The Nabi and The Rusul said:

"If any of you want to be my followers, you must forget about yourself. You must take up your cross and follow me. If you want to save your life, you will destroy it. But if you give up your life for me, you will find it. What will you gain, if your own the whole world but destroy yourself? what would you give back your soul?"

"The Son of Man will soon come in the glory of my Father and with his angels to rewards all people for what they have done. I promise you that some of those standing here will not die before they see the Son of Man coming with his kingdom."

The paradox, the paradox! Just how can it ever be? But in every suffering and death, there is joy, reward and life abounding... new birth, new life, new hope, new grace and everlasting love!

Prayer of Rupert Mayer

Lord, what You will let it be so.
Where You will, there we will go.
What is Your will? Help us to know.

Lord, when You will, the time is right.
In You there's joy in strife.
For Your will I'll give my life.

To ease Your burden brings no pain.
To forego all for You is gain,
as long as I in You remain.

Because You will it, it is best.
Because You will it, we are blest.
Till in Your hands, our hearts find rest,
till in Your hands, our hearts find rest.

too many interesting women

two days ago
that rainy sunday afternoon
over a yellow corn and isaw at sanggumay
dreaming moments with kalai
IIS classmate, friend and fellow inclusivist

trying hard visionaries
for a cause bigger than life
one beyond us for others
the muslim in the south
school, research, historical accounts
grassroots needs based, Sulu, ARMM

together for others!
adobo secrets, too! hahaha...

heard from A of the A land
jilbabs, UNICEF and int'l NGOs
a finnish lady, a belgian lady, a filipina
on da vinci code, jesus mystery, parables
for the A women and families

here comes florence aka flow
over breakfast today
nice and new avatar
business, money, travel agency
rizal and the young patriots
trips to mumbai and delhi

jesi, oh jesi march
on men and relationships
long distance friendship and mentoring
lessons on waiting, longings, love and service
exciting, interesting, hard, grace-filled...

then, there's ida and lorah
mutya and yvette
hanggang sa muli...

ano pa ho ang nais Niyo?

araw-araw ng paglalakbay na patay sa sarili... pagtalikod at pag-iwan ng mga bagay-bagay, pag-uugali, kinagawian, kagustuhan at pangarap na taliwas sa Inyong kagustuhan.

lahat ng iyon ay dahil sa Inyong dakilang awa, kapangyarihan, pagkalinga at gabay... lahat ng iyon ay dahil sa Inyong dakilang kagustuhang ako ay maging kawangis ng Inyong Anak... maging maganda at kaiga-igaya sa Inyong harapan!

what do You still want from me, Lord? i have given everything to You. i have given up all my dreams and desires. i have been in the never-ending path of relinquishing... what else do You want? what else do you demand me stripped of?

all controls... all dreams... all wishes... all desires... You have taken them! all of them!

ano pa ho ang nais Niyo? ano pa ang nais Nyong mangyari sa buhay ko? ano pa, aking Ama?

aking tinalikuran ang daan ng self-sufficiency, ng independence, ng aking sariling kagustuhan, plano at naisin... kaya nga at ako'y nagka-relasyon ng wala sa aking plano. kaya nga't tinanggap ko siya ng buong puso bilang inyong kaloob at naisin para sa akin sa panahon at bahaging ito ng buhay. kaya nga at tinahak ko ng matiwasay at may pagtitiwala ang paglalakbay na ito kasama niya. tanging naisin ko po ay ang sumunod sa Inyo at matutong lalong magtiwala.

aking tinalikuran ang comfort zone ng isang pamilyang naghubog, nagmahal, tumanggap sa akin sa loob ng anim na taon at mahigit... at ngayon ay iyong kinuha pa ang kaisa-isang bagay na magpapaalala sa akin ng mga nabuong pangarap at buhay kasama sila. bakit po? bakit pa?

and as if those are not enough, you are asking me to leave behind my family, my parents, all our plans in the family, my country, my dreams with my people, my own hope for a better life in the future with my own family, all my small dreams of simple joys and comforts, my little desires for the basics in life - food, clothing, shelter, education, decent home, decent job, simple lifestyle...

i know it because You are clearly pointing me to the opposite of all these... why, oh why?

why are You leading me to a homeless existence and future, not just for myself but even for my family? why an indecent job for the sake of a so-called calling? why a complicated potential lifestyle of cross-cultural existence? why leave behind my dream for a life of a scholar? why a simple existence of basic food and clothing? why, indeed?

but, i know that in the end, Kayo pa din ang mananalo... talo pa din ako! Kayo pa din ang masusunod... in the final analysis of things.

how does a 20 year old faith journey looks like?

hayy... i'm really so sad i know that today is my 20th spiritual birthday. but i dont know why it started with such a traumatic experience...

i just remembered that a few days ago, the Lord has been leading me to a striking encounter with matt 11.25-30... where the invitation is to rest in Jesus and learn of his humility and gentleness... where the invitation is to take the yoke that Jesus gave and put it on my shoulders... where the invitation is to bear the yoke that is easy and light... where the invitation is to come and receive the rest that Jesus reserved for those who are weary and tired from carrying heavy burdens...

my heavy burdens are:

loosing just a year old cellphone and having such trauma of being robbed almost every year the past 3-4 years... but this one is the worst - being doubly robbed of the security of a home!

being the one to be blamed for the same looses of my two brothers... one brother loosing his own cellphone, too, and some huge amount for his family's moving on expenses... and another brother loosing another huge amount which is supposedly for my father's cellphone, too...

why, oh why? my lot was set today...

but i am destined for a choice... and i choose the yoke that is light and easy... and i choose the path to rest and well-being...

the Lord is good and His love endures forever... this remains and will remain even after a thousand more 20 years ahead... what a sustaining grace! what a love divine! what a great wonder! what a miracle...

our mabli mayumi

hi yumi, love you yumi

isang maligayang pagdating!
mainit na pagtanggap
malipayong pag-abot
mamuyang pagka-igin

prinsesa ng buhay

ng bahay, ng lahat

mahalagang kapamilya

magandang pagbabago

a prayer

'Grant your daughter and servant, O King!
with wisdom, courage and love so divine
As I pursue your sacred call to nurture
To serve the Filipino student world this time.'

if our sacred call is a gift of grace, then our obedience is never to be taken on or for us!

the bottomline remains, as who is the King and God, and who we are!

though it may be said that our obedience blesses others, it is inevitable that the blessing of the Lord follows. it is simply inevitable!

yet, the bottomline remains...

being a recipient of so much grace, places us in a position of seeing, experiencing and understanding giving in a new and powerful light... one which we cannot afford to ignore and neglect.

it is essence than presence, depth over spread!

word three response

you have once again spoken
your word has been so clear again
and in humility and surrender
i respond and will respond
in obedience and love
i cling to you...

i seek your grace
your mercy
your forgiveness
your love!

now, i stand tall
as you have spoken
in your might and power

now, i stand tall
as the time has come
for trusting and believing

now, i stand tall
as you called me
gave me gifts and insights
and answered our cries

now, it is clear
by faith i stand
by faith i will obey
by faith i come

now, it is clear
you called me to be
like the One and no one else

in humility
in sacrifice
un costly obedience
i should stand

it is not me
i should become less
and less and less
so that the One
becomes more
and more and more

the word is clear
you had spoken
the sparrows need not worry
for you care them and for them

the grass withers
after some few days
but in its season
you garb them beauty and life

as you called me again
as this is what i have been waiting for
i step in faith, trusting and believing
this is where you want me to be...

you changed by heart, indeed!

you are awesome, glorious, beautiful, good!
you are sovereign, mighty, powerful, good!
you know, so i trust!

i come, obey in faith
i will stay...
i will remain...
in the center of your will!

in this sacred call
in this gift of grace
in this obedience
in this faithfulness

amidst the challenges
the waves of 'sanballats'
the call to sacrifice
the call to surrender

the call to humiliation
the call to death
the call to be like him
and no one else!

i worry not
nor should i fear
you are with me
the call is clear!

decisions made
not out of rebellion
nor of hostilities
but out of surrender

out of grace, of love
out of death to self
out of sacrifice
out of obedience

all because of grace
all because of C
who triumphed over
the grave. Amen!

i confess all my sins
my unbelief and sarcasm
my doubts and fears
my cynicism and overly critical mind
my weaknesses and selfish heart

i come to you
for mercy and grace
as i stand tall and
step in and by faith
GET INTO THE BOAT
again...

(acts 14.21-28 from the new ND, his first expo of the word...)

word two response

the Word of God has spoken
as an ecclesiastical body
a community of believers
followers of Isah
this is what we have to wait for!

not and never will it be
the words of this world
the lure of relevance
the call of the lost

this is the bottomline
and will always be...

have we allowed the ways of the world to creep into our midst? can we allow the lure of relevance to seduce our faithless hearts?

or do we need to speak up as prophets of our times, mourning over our own deaths, in sorrow at the death of our call and distinctive as a movement, as an IFES, called to be servants of and to the Cross?

we came and responded to the call of simplicity and utmost surrender, as staffworker, with Isah as our only possession, giving up our rights, everything we have, with Him and the Cross as our only vision.

now, are we going to change that? are we going to replace our vision of the Lord Isah with policies, with the lure of a PhP 15K or PhP 20K (or more) salary just to be at par with the world's standard? are we replacing our call to sacrifice with the seduction of relevance, joining the worldviews of rat race, convenience, with solutions to problems, thus, reducing our call to mere programs and projects?

far be it from us
to heed riches
or man's empty praise
to replace our gaze
with programs and
relevance

after a sleepless night and never a dry eye moment, the Word has clearly spoken, the song has clearly shaken the core of our being... and no matter what others say and will say, we ought to stand tall, to respond, to get loud!

our emotions matter, after all, we are human beings and not human doings! this is what we teach because we affirm our createdness and our Creator! we affirm the tears of the greatest teacher Isah when he lived here once upon a time. he once was a feeling person and will remain to know and understand such feeling as well as ours. he once felt the pain of death, he once mourned over a death of a good friend.

these things have the least of its bearings on me, if i may say...
as i can leave anytime now
after all, i am due for sabbath
i am single, still young
(according to the UN definition of youth)
professionally skilled and experienced
can work or find a job
or if i may wish
find a rich young ruler
who can be a good 'papa.'

but i cannot do that... it is not an option as i see my colleagues in pain and anguish over some stupid policies... i cannot tolerate the option of simply bowing to policies created by the same authorities we ourselves have prayed for and 'chosen' (elected) to be there, entrusted and mandated to be our protector and allies.

now is the time, then, not to sit down as the One has spoken.

now is the time to catch the wave of what the One is saying and doing in our midst. let us speak up. let us get loud! let us affirm, as an ecclesiastical community, if this is where the One is leading us, if this is what he wants us to do. or else, let us altogether refuse to allow this to come to us and let the next generation suffer of our silence (!), of our refusal to speak out, of our fear of what the authorities will say or do to us.

let us speak up, my friends and family!

i do not do this without the readiness, though, for a possibility, maybe a natural consequence, or maybe an affirmation, that it is me who has to go. that maybe the time has come for me to bid goodbye, to move on and seek the next assignment from the one who called, who is calling, and will be calling.

the One true love of my life, the One in my heart, is my only vision... is our only vision! no one and nothing else!

lest we loose the substance, the essence of all these coming and going, these doing and having, these expressions of love, loaylty and service!

(after one powerful privilege speech... after one turbulent shaking... after that fateful BOT releasing of bombshell... and after 1 Corinthians 9)

word one response

the season of trusting and believing
has, indeed, come!

why do you speak out so loud now?
why do you answer my questions?
why are you so involved with me?
why do you care?
why are you concern?

truly, truly!
the season of trusting
the season of believing
the season of listening
the season of grace
has finally come...

should i linger?
must i despise?

i confess...
my unbelief
my unreadiness
my unwillingness
as i hold on the reins
of my heart
of trusting myself
more than i trust you

i surrender
i lay down my life
in all its wickedness
before your throne
of love, of grace!

now...
i rejoice
i embrace
i receive
i celebrate
as i glory in you
alone!

i did not seek you
but you found me
i did not love you
but you loved me
i did not honor you
but you honored me

how great is this love!

so, i go on in life
so, i move on this life

i go with that same love
that same grace
that same memory
that same experience
that same track record
of love, of grace

forgive me, please
have mercy on me
help me to listen to you!

pains from people
pains given and received
suffering...

moving on
unknown
faith

sacrifice
can i ever drink this cup?

(genesis 38, 43, 44, 49; cf. matt. 1)

the reason

just thought and realized now
the reason for this blog's existence
is no other way than both
the dying and birthing

true and equally true
is the sole fact that
only in dying is there
such blissful birthing and life

where both pain and joy
come together in glorious
amalgamation, anticipated
for life, for love, for Him alone

miracle upon miracle
this is it...
the path, the way
its homeward bound

like that train that was
bound for glory!
and thus,
no other way here
than that same glory!

mga pagbabago sa buhay

hmm... kakatuwa nga naman ang buhay. minsan ay masaya, minsan naman ay malungkot. minsan ay kakaiba dahil hindi lamang madilim ang langit kundi ay nagngangalit pa ang unos. ngunit, minsan naman ay sobrang liwanag ng araw at walang anumang pagbabadya.

mga ilang buwan na rin, mula nang matagpuan ko na lamang ang sarili kong kusang sumasabay sa agos ng buhay. ito marahil ay dahil sa sobrang dami ng mga pagbabago... mga bagay-bagay na sapat upang magpawi ng anumang natitira pang lakas para umalpas o makatakas.

hayy... ako na nga ba ito? pagod na sa paglangoy palayo sa agos ng buhay? takot nang lumaban pa? o marahil ito ay panahon lamang ng pag-agos sa mga pagbabagong nararapat piliin at tahakin? patungo sa lugar na nararapat puntahan? patungo sa tahanan ng puso, tahanan ng buhay, tahanan kasama kayo lamang...

pagbabago... pagtahak sa landas ng buhay... wala nang iba... hindi maiiwasan o matatakasan... kailangang magpatuloy ang paglalakbay.

tara na! sabay tayo...

Do I Make You Proud?

By: Taylor Hicks

I never been the one to raise my hand
That was not me
And now that's who I am
Because of you
I am standing tall

And my heart is full
Of endless gratitude
You were the one
The one to guide me through
Now I can see
And I believe
It's only just beginning

This is what we dream about
But the only question with me now
Is do I make you proud?
I'm stronger than I've ever been now
Never been afraid of standing out
Do I make you proud?

Everybody needs to rise up
Everybody needs to be loved
To be loved

This is what we dream about
But the only question with me now
Is do I make you
Do I make you proud?

I'm stronger than I've ever been now
Never been afraid of standing out
Do I make you proud?
Do I make you proud?

mahal kita, aking Ama

dakila po Kayo...
kaya't maraming salamat po

for leading me this far
to and with him...

for the honor of being blessed
with such a bliss

for both the wisdom and romance
of and in this experience

for all intimacy, joy and peace
that only comes from YOU

for love and life
in, with and from YOU

sa Inyo po lamang ako at kami
at ang lahat ng ito!

dakila po Kayo...
at maraming salamat po

for the conspiracy
of the triune You!

(when everything is said and done
in the final analysis of things
only this remains
only this truth...)

one historic moment

Ultimate Goals

1. greater impact/more effective/more strategic roles for God's greatest glory
2. building each other towards Christlikeness

Intermediate Goals

1. to know what God wants us to be and to do together to achieve the ultimate goal number 1
2. to be closer to God, loving Him above all, being more God-centered, and knowing each other deeper in those contexts

Present Realities

1. we have been doing our own roles
2. we know the basics, we have struggles/bad attitudes

Covenant

1. pray
2. update and communicate
3. grow in openness in our feeling and thinking
4. making mistakes is accepted for the sake of being like Christ
5. try to find mentors (including books) for the growing of our relationships
6. to allow our relationship to be a testimony of God's abounding grace and love for others esp in the community of believers
7. finally, to take things in stride, a journey a day at a time, depending fully on the leading of the Spirit and witnessing grace and love unfolding

(defining realities and directions of the relationship... one extremely sacred path of discipleship or spirituality. that historic moment of 04 june 2006, 16oo hours, at baywalk manila, between you and me.)

when nothing happened as I planned

hi dozing and snoozing you,

by now, you may still be flying thousands of miles up there, snoozing and dozing your lethargy, hehehe... while all i can do is trust that all is well with you.

so is this it? the point of no return... no more turning back...

i don't know what to say and how to feel... so many things are slowly coming down my senses, sinking in and hopefully taking deep roots in my heart and soul. things that are true, pure, good, beautiful, lovely... things that are not just to and from the self, but more so, beyond! things that do not only belong to the here and now, nor any temporary timeline, but those that are real endless and timeless.

thank you for that openness and grace as i started to learn to share my emotions to you last night. yeah, this is just getting so real to me, each moment that passes by. no other words to call it except undeserved 'grace' and unexpected 'miracle.'

Let God be God!

it seems that overnight, i'm suddenly a new person, with a new identity, with a changed heart, a new believer! a believer of love, enjoying each experience, embracing its mysteries, confronting the great unknown, taking courage at hand and nothing else... after some time of extreme struggle and long waiting the season of trusting and believing has come, as i join you in this journey, a man of and from God, praying that you will remain to be after His own heart!

all i can say now, is that God is good... He is funny at times, though. But His ways are definitely not ours. hayy, i am still so surprised at the many unfolding of events. nothing happened as i planned. yet, i believe that i did what He alone wanted and i went where He alone led me into... may all these unfold for Him, for His sake, in His time.

below are the things that you requested... you may choose to put a general title to it, hehehe

please behave well and take care... just eat healthy food, hehehe... and study well. make sure you befriend others, too.

~meeh

my baby

you may call me
whatever you want to

just never thought that
this experience would be
such a miracle

even as I realize
where such joy, peace
and love in my heart
come, but from Him
alone!

I am really starting
to miss you a lot
yet, i know that
i will be well
in His hands

thank you
for the honor of this
journey with you
especially for
teaching me
to love Him and you!

(had these thoughts while
praying for you tonight...
simply saying clearly that
this is all about and for
the King!
Ingat ka palagi... paalam!
don't cry, my baby...
we'll see each other again
soon, in His perfect time.
you said it, that this is
good for us, this separation
to strengthen our resolve
our relationship and
our endurance!)

fast car

Tracy Chapman
100 Hit Lyrics. Gürol CANBEK (gcanbek@hotmail.com) , 2000-2001 http://go.to/gurol

You got a fast car; I want a ticket to anywhere
Maybe we make a deal; maybe together we can get somewhere
Anyplace is better; Starting from zero got nothing to lose
Maybe we'll make something, But me myself I got nothing to prove

You got a fast car, and I got a plan to get us out of here
I been working at the convenience store, managed to save just a little bit of money
We won't have to drive too far, Just 'cross the border and into the city
You and I can both get jobs, and finally see what it means to be living

You see my old man's got a problem, He live with the bottle that's the way it is
He says his body's too old for working, I say his body's too young to look like his
My mama went off and left him, She wanted more from life than he could give
I said somebody's got to take care of him, So I quit school and that's what I did

You got a fast car, but is it fast enough so we can fly away
We gotta make a decision; we leave tonight or live and die this way

I remember we were driving driving in your car
The speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
And I had a feeling that I belonged
And I had feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone

You got a fast car, and we go cruising to entertain ourselves
You still ain't got a job, and I work in a market as a checkout girl
I know things will get better, You'll find work and I'll get promoted
We'll move out of the shelter, Buy a big house and live in the suburbs

You got a fast car, and I got a job that pays all our bills
You stay out drinking late at the bar, See more of your friends than you do of your kids
I'd always hoped for better, Thought maybe together you and me would find it
I got no plans I ain't going nowhere, So take your fast car and keep on driving

You got a fast car, but is it fast enough so you can fly away
You gotta make a decision; you leave tonight or live and die this way

ctu n la

ayan, nasa ctu na tayo...

24 stands for the longest 24 hours or day in the life of people looking after the national security of a nation. since limang seasons ito so far, then it means, limang araw pa lang ito as documented by ctu, hehehe...

top 10 na gusto ko sa 24

1. very intellectually stimulating - mahirap mahulaan ang plot and story, pero siguradong magugustuhan mo

2. mas madrama ang life ng mga casts, kaya hindi boring, unlike 'alias'

3. hindi limiting ang ways ni jack, his goals are clear and focused so he delivers, di siya nawawalan ng options to resolve the issues at hand

4. madaming good reflections on leadership styles nina palmer, keeler, logan, buchanan at madami pang iba...

5. palagi akong napapa-reflect sa reality that the real decisions are done when one is under much stressful and critical life-and-death situations, real decisions that are clearly reflecting the self

6. good venue to get to know the outcasts and unpopular as they come in the forms of marginalized or evil terrorists, who are, definitely, not misrepresented

7. mas madami at magkakaiba ang characters na pwedeng magturo ng maraming bagay sa iyo

8. mejo all of life ang pag-reveal at pag-build ng concerns ng mga casts - family dynamics, cultural, political, economics, etc.

9. mabilis ang mga pangyayari

10. madaming kingdom values

mas malawak na reflections later on...

season 5!

bakit kailangang pumasok sa eksena ang mga intsik?

marahil ay dahil naubos na nilang mailantad ang lahat na maaaring maging kaaway ng kanilang kapangyarihan at maging panganib sa pangkalahatang seguridad...

simula sa mga assassins, sa mga muslim na terorista, sa mga komunistang ruso, at maging sa mga kaaway sa loob ng kapangyarihan...

syempre pa, eh dapat me bago. kaya naman, pumasok na sa eksena ang mga intsik ngayong season 6! waahhh...

if you know what i am talking about, then we are friends!

frends at klasmeyts tayo sa klasrum na sikat sa tawag na bente kwarto. o di ba, titsers natin sina chloe, tony, bill, audrey, kim, michelle, nina, chase, david palmer, mike novick, aaron, john keeler, charles logan, curtis at syempre pa si JACK bauer kasama ng mga terorista...

at ang laboratory natin ay ang ctu la, waaahhh!

but seriously, i am into tracing some motiffs of deep leadership characters and vocational calling in this series. for those who are going through some life or mid-life transitions, hmmm, this is something really worth looking into...

itutuloy po...

crucible

*container for melting something
METALLURGY. a heat-resistant container in which ores or metals are melted

*bottom of furnace
METALLURGY. the hollow part at the bottom of a furnace where molten metal collects

*ordeal
a severe trial or ordeal

*testing circumstances
a place or set of circumstances where people or things are subjected to forces that test them and often make them change

a long list

given a chance to account my life, i can say without a bat of an eyelash, that i am one of the world's richest persons.

the honor is so much as to have been given the pleasure of the intangibles such as seeing what is there to see, finding meaning in life.

one clear intangible is the treasure of friends, both male and female, young and old.

if i may start my accounting with this long list of great women in my life...

inay kikay
mama
NCS

joey
reena
reylynne

dahlia
bebe
lorah

mutya
ging
yvet
di

flow
jinglet
lynn

shiela
jules
judith - a certain misis salamat

belen
ayneth
amor

ayet
joy
myrna
djoy

minette
myrna

olive
aking
jenny
loida

aque
nel
ailen
lally

to be continued...

avatar

*an incarnation of a Hindu deity in human or animal form, especially one of the incarnations of Vishnu such as Rama and Krishna

*embodiment of something - somebody who embodies, personifies, or is the manifestation of an idea or concept

*an image of a person in a virtual reality - computing a movable three-dimensional image that can be used to represent somebody in cyberspace, for example, an internet user

(from an english encarta dictionary)

motiff of reversal

tatlong uno
1.25, 1.50, 1.75
tatlong uno
tatlong himala

kahirapan
pighati
decision to quit
to run away

pagtakas
pagtakbo
pagtalikod
pagsuko

sa mundong hindi akin
bawal, di ako tanggap
second class citizen
second rate opinion

mahirap maging dayuhan
mahirap tanggihan ng karapatan
maging kakaiba at di kanais-nais
isang outsider sa mundong ginagalawan

but when all else failed
then you say otherwise
nothing else than
trusting beyond the self

why did i get those marks
undeserved, unworthy
but a real pleasant surprise
a real motiff of reversal

so what is the point
point of reflection
point of reference
than the point of grace

paradox, indeed!
real and true!
sweet surrender
sweet mercy flowing

smile

concealing
the agonies of the soul

misleading
the hoof marks of pain

revealing
the great joys of the heart

uncovering
such peace beyond understanding

paradox!

then there will be
imprints of such joy and peace
amidst all agonies and pains
there is no other way

sheer grace and mercy
mere speck of dust and dew
across a wide horizon
recipient of such amazing love

oh smile, how small and simple
yet, profound and able
to reveal, to conceal
deep mysteries and truths

joey

you came, the One-ordained moment
dinner under star-studded expanse
more than a candle-lit hush-hush
beyond words, across time

love expressed along the tangibles
creatively prepared meals for heart
one great chef for a night of tears
toasts, laughters, goodbyes, memories

birthdays, thirty years and growing
hellos, five years overflowing
but now, time for leave-taking
years and seas across mounting

silent retreats, profound thoughts
connections to the Maker
the One will see us through
these moments of making

Henri Nouwen, Elizabeth Elliot
transformations, social justice
spirituality and solitude
we will remain, bonded

i will... until the end
accountable, partners
i commit, will remain
will always be blessed

will ever be grateful
paalam joey
dear sister and friend
i will never be

never will be
the same again

joey...
intsik na merong
pusong pinoy
kaibigan, kasabwat

mababang kalooban
pusong dakila
bata ngunit matanda
babaeng kakaiba

malalim mag-isip
di pangkaraniwang kaluluwa
dakila ang tumawag sa iyo
tunay ngang dakila!!!

silence, solitude
prayers, tears
listen, heart
hush, my soul

a hundred and one

mukhang marami pa
ang pwedeng magbago
and dapat baguhin

mabubuting bagay
maiinam na asal
katangi-tanging katangian

kabutihan
kagalakan
kapayapaan

pag-ibig
pagpapahalaga
pagbubukas loob

pananampalataya
pagsunod
pagkalinga

paglilingkod
pag-angat ng kapakanan
ng iba kaysa sarili

katarungan
kabanalan
kaluwalhatian

sa Iyo po lamang
higit sa lahat
Siya nawa.

the hundredth time

none other than
a summer getaway
supposedly

but turned into
a real sunny outlook
instead

newness, freshness
happy disposition
liberation

metamorphosis
cheery me
freedom

haircut
get-up
lifestyle

U2 in another landslide at the recent grammies...

beyond the 32nd and time

this is more than what a broken earthen jar can ever ask for and imagine - to be an unfinished work of grace and a recipient of so much love... such gifts been so lavishedly endowed on a poor soul like me... on her 32nd!


the 31st...


there was a time that I was so afraid to ask questions... many questions that are hard and even answerless! but one thing is sure, one thing is certain. i am contented with life and that i can die anytime. the Lord has been good to me the past three decades.

i guess, i know now what it is to have JOY in the work God tasked me to do - to bloom where He planted me. i have lived a full life at 30. Yes, i do!

HE

He came to me with the most wonderful tenderness. He was afraid and I was afraid, but there it was, that openness; he was as delicate and fragile and beautiful as a flower, the blossom trembling in full bloom...
(Victoria Freeman)

He poured so gently and naturally into my life
like a batter into a bowl of batter.
Honey into a jar of honey.
The clearest water sinking into sand.
(Justine Sydney)

it never is

if you ever think that this is but easy for me, it never is!
not at all.

if you ever think that this is fine with me, it never is!
not at all.

this path is elusive to understanding
much more clarity...

this path is never free of fear and trembling
much more uncertainty...

don't ever think that this is alright with me... it never is!

this clear paradox!

('i am not alright'- a cut from sanctus real's album, that is
guess that's quite similar to this cry, to this handle
a mere coincidence? a mere circumstantial connivance?
a conspiracy out of nowhere... a conspiracy from on high...)

the 103rd... as translated by eugene peterson

oh my soul, bless GOD.
from head to toe, i'll bless his holy name!
oh my soul, bless GOD,
don't forget a single blessing!

he forgives your sins - every one.
he heals your diseases - every one.
he redeems you from hell - saves your life!
he crowns you with love and mercy - a paradise crown.
he wraps you in goodness - beauty eternal.
he renews your youth - you're always young in his presence.

itutuloy... ito ang gusto kong basahin sa aking funeral. kung merong pwedeng maglapat ng tunog, mas mainam. kung pwedeng gawin sa filipino, eh mas lalong mabuti...

the visits, the presence, the idealisms

i haven't been to such a great state of perplexity as that of two days ago, after visiting two powerful offices of the land. one is the office of a senator where his former chief of staff spent not less than three precious hours of listening and interacting with our idealism. the second one is a great political party, a first of its kind that we have met. one which gives premium on morality and spirituality which they call 'first things first.'

one full day, one great time of listening and wrestling with their idealisms, one powerful moment of perplexity... i will never be the same again.

changed... is changing... will be changed... again and again!

some reflections...

i will never cease to be an idealist nationalist. this nation is worth living, fighting, and dying for. this is my only home away from home. this is my lot, this is given to me.

talking to the right people helps a lot in gaining the right perspective. being with them for that day was like gaining insights from a crash course of 20 units/credits! what a life transforming experience. a real-life encounter with ideals and realities.

i discover that people of great spirituality are the ones who can lead best and powerfully. lifestyle leadership is the best form of leadership and one which this nation badly needed. a leadership by example, but a rare find. indeed, this nation is in crisis of leadership.

meeting them gives so much hope for the land... and that i can choose to be like them - to stay hopeful while doing something though small for the others and also for myself. and that many things start with the self... a life of example, a rootedness on something bigger than the self... a self-sacrificial stand, a willingness to serve others more than the self, a servant heart, a stewardship... a theology of the cross?

how can i ever remain the same?


(thank you senator nene pimentel and secretary/professor/ex-governor/attorney lutz barbo. thank you attorney nandy pacheco of the kapatiran sa pangkalahatang kabutihan!)

isaiah and zechariah

#49a

listen to me, you islands;
hear this, you distant nations:
before i was born the ONE called me;
from my birth he has made mention of my name.

he made my mouth like a sharpened sword,
in the shadow of his hands he hid me;
he made me into a polished arrow
and concealed me in his quiver.

he said to me, "You are my servant,
ISL, in whom I will display my splendor."

but I said, "I have labored to no purpose;
I have spent my strength in vain and for nothing.
yet what is due me is in the ONE's hand,
and my reward is with my God."

and now the ONE says -
he who formed me in the womb to be his servant
to bring JCB back to him
and gather ISL to himself,
for I am honored in the eyes of the ONE
and my G has been my strength -

he says:
"It is too small a thing for you to be my servant
to restore the tribes of JCB
and bring back those of ISL I have kept.
I will also make you a light for the GNLs,
that you may bring my salvation to the ends of the earth."

this is what the ONE says -
the Redeemer and Holy One of ISL -
to him who was despised and abhorred by the nation,
to the servant of rulers:

"Kings will see you and rise up,
princes will see and bow down,
because of the ONE, who is faithful,
the Holy One of ISL, who has chosen you."


#10

ask the ONE for rain in the springtime;
it is the ONE who makes the storm clouds.
he gives showers of rain to men,
and plants of the field to everyone.

the idols speak deceit,
diviners see visions that lie;
they tell dreams that are false,
they give comfort in vain.

therefore the people wander like sheep
oppressed for lack of a shepherd.

"My anger burst against the shepherds,
and I will punish the leaders;
for the ONE Great will care
for his flock, the house of JDH,
and make them like a proud horse in battle.

from JDH will come the cornerstone,
from him the tent peg,
from him the battle bow,
from him every ruler.

together they will be like mighty men
trampling the muddy streets in battle.
because the ONE is with them,
they will fight and overthrow the horsemen.

i will strengthen the house of JDH
and save the house of JSF.
i will restore them
because i have compassion on them.

they will be as though
i had not rejected them,
for i am the ONE their G
and i will answer them.

the EPH will become like mighty men,
and their hearts will be glad as with wine.
their children will see it and be joyful;
their hearts will rejoice in the ONE.

i will signal them and gather them in.
surely i will redeem them;
they will be as numerous as before.
though i scatter them among the peoples,
yet in distant lands they will remember me.
they and their children will survive,
and they will return.

i will bring them back from EGT
and gather them from ASSR.
i will bring them to GIL and LBN,
and there will not be room enough for them.

they will pass through the sea of trouble;
the surging sea will be subdued
and all the depths of the NLE will dry up.
ASSR's pride will be brought down
and EGT's scepter will pass away.

i will strengthen them in the ONE
and in his name they will walk,"
declares the ONE.

(meaningful interactions with the ONE... the former in seeking for direction and the confirmation on moving on. revealed on a recent retreat last january in baguio city. the latter in seeking answers as to why is there an awareness on the crisis of the land esp. that of political leadership. esp so after visiting one senator and one political party two days ago. the first experience led to clarity while the latter to perplexity...)

surprises, smiles, graces

once again, just like those many sacred moments of being, the heavens opened. showers of graces trickled down, smiles poured forth, mysteries unfolded.

once again, he touched the core which he alone can get through. it was a surprise, a most welcome inspiration.

the day was hard and stressful. too many things needed to be done. deadlines are in their deadliest. papers piled up. finish the work is the call of the time.

grace of all graces, the major deadline was met. it was done and off to production it kicked off. a diner treat at the fave vegetarian likha-diwa was most welcome. full, satisfied, yet tired and quite lonely, home awaited. only to be met by this inconspicuous unexpected moment.

he is a simple person, serving others untiringly, inspiring them with his witty observations and appreciation of life while bringing them safely home. he noticed life, talked about it, and surprise of all surprises, serves wholeheartedly generous! he did not let me pay for his service. it was for free, it was gladly given, it was a gift from the heart! and i cannot take it for granted. i should not even think of neglecting it.

what an honor, what a privilege, what an undeserved favor. may the One who holds all things to him and himself honor such great and powerful intention. may it remain pure and beautiful in the sight of the One who makes all things new and good!

how can i ever thank you, manong!? for the smile, for the honor of receiving such love, for the inspiration, for the grace unfolding, for the doors of heavens which opened wide enough for me to notice. i am most grateful and joyful! i am one soul greatly honored and deeply touched.

('di ko siya kilala, ngunit kanyang naarok ang aking puso at damdamin. paano mangyayari na ako ay kanyang napansin? maari kaya iyon? isang maliit na 'act of kindness' ngunit habang buhay na hindi makakaligtaan. sino ang pwedeng makalimot? sa oras ng matinding kapaguran at pangangailangan ay dumating ang isang inspirasyon. isang anghel kaya siya? hulog ng langit, iyan ay sigurado. how can it ever happen? angels in disguise of a tricycle driver... help me to notice him, them.)

connecting with culture: my way

What piece of music will be played at your funeral? Hopefully, you’ll have plenty of time to think about it. But songs can movingly reflect and express the kind of person we are (or were). According to one survey recently, the most popular piece of ‘contemporary’ music (as opposed to classical or religious) to be played as we face the final curtain is Frank Sinatra’s ‘My Way’. Ol’ Blue Eyes is certainly still a draw; the advance ticket sales for ‘Sinatra at the Palladium’, which opened this month, were over £3m. And ‘My Way’ itself has all-age appeal as a classic hymn to our uniqueness and individual swagger. ‘Through it all, when there was doubt, I ate it up and spat it out,’ it boasts. ‘I faced it all and I stood tall and did it my way.’ Christians, surely, can learn from Sinatra’s verve. After all, according to Psalm 139, we are ‘fearfully and wonderfully made’; we each have a unique iris and a unique way of seeing the world. Too often, we stand back when we have something to contribute that no one else on earth could do in quite the same way. Yet we also face a point of departure from the song when Sinatra hits his final crescendo: ‘For what is a man? What has he got? If not himself – then he has naught. To say the things he truly feels And not the words of one who kneels…’ The sentiment contrasts with U2’s recent hit ‘Vertigo’, a mesmerising song written by Bono warning of the temptations and sickening dizziness of climbing the ladder. ‘Your love is teaching me how to kneel,’ he concludes. That’s not to let us off the challenge to do what we can and to do it well. The ‘parable of the talents’ offers a frank warning to the person who won’t take risks with what they’ve personally been given to work with; Eugene Petersen, in the Message, describes them as a ‘play-it-safe who won’t go out on a limb’. But it is, once we’ve identified our own strengths, to play to them hard for the sake of the upside-down world of the kingdom. To say (and do) the things we feel - as the words of one who kneels. And that, I hope, in the end, will have been my way. Brian Draper		the most popular song to be played at funerals is Frank Sinatra’s ‘My Way’
		Christians, surely, can learn from Sinatra’s verve

CLICK HERE - www.licc.org.uk/culture/my-way - FOR MORE INFO AND TO HAVE YOUR SAY

the ninetieth

metanoia, n.

a spiritual conversion or awakening
fundamental change of character

etymology
Gk. 'change one's mind, repent'

P A G H U H U N O S - D I L I ?

paghuhunos kagaya ng pagpapalit ng balat ng isang sawa
likas na dapat at bahagi ng buhay
kailangan, di maiiwasan
pagbabago

pagdidili-dili, pagbubulay-bulay
pag-iisip-isip, kung anong nararapat
para di magkamali
pagbabago man din

confessions... freedom

coming out
revelations
confrontations
metanoia

to lay the cards down
to bare the heart out
to seek that which is real
to open up and speak the truth

honesty
is still the best policy
the truth
which will always prevail

to be set free!
once and for all!

the long awaited face and violin

WHAT SUFFERING is... as experienced by Paul

... and now i am happy
about my sufferings for you,
for by means of my physical sufferings
i help complete what still remains
of the Son's sufferings on behalf of his body,
which is the church

... and i have been made a servant
of the church by the Father,
who gave me this task to perform
for your good

it is the task of fully proclaiming his message
which is the secret he hid through all past ages
from all mankind,
but has now revealed to his people

for this is the Father's plan:
to make known his secret to his people,
this rich and glorious secret
which he has for all peoples

and the secret is this:
the Son is in you,
which means that you will share
the glory of the Father

so we preach the Son to all men
we warn and teach everyone,
with all possible wisdom,
in order to bring each one
into the Father's presence
as a mature individual
in union with the Son

to get this done
i toil and struggle,
using the mighty strength
the the Son supplies,
which is at work in me.

WHO HE IS... as revealed to paul

his person and work...

he is the visible likeness of the invisible Being
he is the first-born Son,
superior to all created things

for by him the Father created
everything in heaven and on earth,
the seen and the unseen things,
including spiritual powers,
lords, rulers, and authorities

the Father created the whole universe
through him and for him
he existed before all things,
and in union with him
all things have their proper place

he is the head of his body, the church;
he is the source of the body's life;
he is the first-born Son
who was raised from death,
in order that he alone might have
the first place in all things

for it was by the Father's own decision
that the Son has in himself
the full nature of the God

through the Son, then,
the Father decided to bring
the whole universe back
to himself

the Father made peace
through his Son's death on the cross,
and so brought back to himself all things,
both on earth and in heaven

at one time you were far away from the Father
and made yourselves his enemies
by the evil things you did and thought

but now,
by means of the physical death of his Son,
the Father made you his friends,
in order to bring you,
holy and pure and innocent,
into his presence

you must, of course, continue faithful
on a firm and sure foundation,
and not allow yourselves to be shaken
from the hope you gained
when you heard the love story

it is of this love story that I,
Paul, became a servant -
this love story which has been proclaimed
to everyone in the world!

a journey of faith

... is not the eradication of poverty and suffering
nor a change of social status from poor to middle class
it is not an accumulation of properties and doodads
nor a hoarding of degrees and titles

but, a place of the truest riches and purest wealth

where one grows to see the beauty of life
that bright side of the world
where butterflies and moths fly
where the grasses and flowers thrive

where people matters the most
where relationships grow and linger
where trust and hope and love pervade
where the heart of the matter is the heart!

where joy and peace find permanent residence
where one finds home in the bossom of love
the love eternal, enduring, perfect
the hope in grace, trust in mercy

where faith is the real wealth
seeing much even in darkness and nothingness
where ordinary men and women
make extraordinary bold steps in life

where seeing the unseen is reality
where knowing the unknown is ordinary
where one discerns that only with
the invisible eye can the essentials be seen

for it is only with the heart
that one can
see rightly
hear clearly
love deeply
trust fully

journey in faith
growing in love
in peace and hope
in trust and belief

for what the heart sees and feels
only the heart understands
and what really matters
as long as being endures

in His time
in His ways
in His call
in His heart!

to Him who holds all things
to whom everything belongs
and find their being
to whom everything will go...

random life

Erwin Raphael McManus wrote: "I am convinced the great tragedy is not the sins that we commit, but the life we fail to live."

Andrea Bocelli: "You will not have greatness until you understand that the strongest muscle is the heart. To me that's the soul of the Olympic Games."

Anonymous: "The face can speak of a thousand emotions but it can easily mask what the heart truly feels. Don't be fooled for the happiest face may be masking the most hurting heart."

ang uod

Isang araw, ako’y ginulat ng isang maliit na maya nang ito’y dumapo sa halaman malapit sa kinatatayuan ko. Tila baga sumisid ang ibon sa kanyang pagdapo. Isang malaking berdeng uod pala ang kanyang pakay. At sa bigat marahil sa kanyang tuka ay ito’y nalaglag sa aking harapan.

“Hmm, ano kaya ang kanyang gagawin?” tanong ko sa sarili. Walang takot na dinampot ng ibon ang uod. Pakiwari ko ay sinabi niya sa aking, “Huwag mong agawin ang aking hapunan!” Kapagdaka, ito ay dumapo sa isang sanga at lumingon na tila nagpapasalamat..

At hinding-hindi ko makakalimutan ang mga titig na yaon!

For a very short while, I felt a recognition of and a connection to that tiny life. I experienced the warm breath of precious life. Para bang nagsasabing “ako’y isang buhay at nilalang na dapat mong maramdaman.” And for a long moment, I gazed, as a sacred window of life opened!

There, is the Creator and there, are the wonderful images and reflections of Him!

O, anong ganda at dakila, anong hiwaga ng biyaya ng buhay!
Lalo na at ito ay tigib ng pag-asa at pananalig!

Ang KC ay ganito marahil sa marami sa atin – isang pagkakataon na masilayang muli ang kagandahan at kadakilaan ng Puong Maykapal at arukin ang Kanyang mga talinhaga sa iba’t-ibang kaparaanan – sa pamamagitan kaya ng kalikasan, o kaya’y ng mga pinagtagni-tagning kwento ng buhay, pakikibahagi, pagsasama-sama, at pakikibaka.

Sa ilan, ito marahil ay panahon ng matimtimang pakikinig kagaya nang pag-upo ni Maria sa paanan ng dakilang Guro. O kaya’y panahon ng masidhing pagtatanong kagaya nang nakagawian ng labin-dalawang alagad. O dili kaya’y pagkakataon para buong pagmamahal na hugasan ng luha, punasan ng buhok at pahiran ng pabango ang mga paa ng Guro. Isang pagtugon sa tawag ng pagpapatawad at pananalig. Isang paghuhunos-dili o pagbabagong-buhay!

But for many of us, this can be a Gethsemane where, like Him, we will need to face life’s final crossroad and confront its ultimate call! That is, the call for obedience (and faithfulness) in all areas of life, however, costly it may be. After all, His was never a cheap grace! His was a love divine!

His was a life surrendered, never his own!
A life to honor the King of kings and the LORD of the universe!
Come! Let us, altogether landmark and celebrate this kind of life in KC!

Isang mapagpala at mapalayang pagbati at pagtanggap sa bagong kabuuan ng mga tinawag – mga kapwa ko kabataan, mga anak ng Hari, mga tagasunod ng Guro, kapwa ko Filipino!

TULOY PO KAYO!

(attempts to welcome the new batch of kc delegates! hmmm, living proof of a journeying father even in the midst of deep insecurities and great uncertainties... amidst all the struggles and abounding fears... inside a crucible under the hottest furnace!)

it's full circle

two years!
no!
it's three.

write
some more

reflect
contemplate

landmark
articulate

capture
engage

healing conversations

Sacred moments of coming together can bring healing conversations. That's what happened to gartogcel (supposedly a kuya) and me last weekend. On my way to my brother's house, I passed by their porch and there they are - husband and wife - sitting on the stairs, our fave spot. Since it was a weekend, joining them for a short chit-chat is surely not a crime, so I thought. But, alas! The short chit-chat was turned to a long unexpected healing conversation! Speaking of surprises!

We talked of many miracles, counting and recounting countless grace moments, many of them concealed in crucibles - teh fiery furnace of purifying, purging, the push and pull of the One and the human. There was the provisions of exact needs for vacationa airfares, the exact nine thousands for the whole family, the constant wrestling mode of the wicked human soul on the One's mysterious and never likeable ways, the pushing of what we thought to be the best for us and our capacities, the pride of life, the discontentment and questionings, the strong controlling grip on things, events, and even spirituality, itself... All of man's limitations and mistakes! All of the One's patient coaching and guiding, selfless and enduring love!

Confessions upon confessions, questions upon questions, realizations and reflections, all sacred, all divine, all mysterious, all beautiful. The taming, the molding, all the pains, all the tears. Yet, all the beauty emerging - pure, true, lovely, admirable, praiseworthy, good!

Motiffs of relinguishing, surrender, losing all forms of control, going out of the box!

Acceptance, trusting, loving...
Faith, hope, love!
Peace and joy!
LIFE...

Never-ending quest for His path, His direction, His truth!

How come we never learn? How come He never gives up on us?

reminiscin'

events unfolding, countless
days leave-taking, so quickly
stories recounting, abundant
oh my, how fast time flies!

three years ago, exactly
when blogspot shajarah started
a kernel of wheat falling to the ground
dying to be birthed, live and grow

twenty years ago, exactly
when freedom and democracy was restored
now they are being taken away again
for the rule of military and men in uniform

state of national emergency declared
in memory of a new birth from a military rule

baguio escapade

yeah, yeah, it's baguio again. november, january, february... then, a few more visits some time later, maybe.

but this third visit is a much more meaningful one. first, it is one big whole family affair for the first time after our home had become an empty nest. second, it is a surprise special celebration for our father's 60th birthday, which makes it is more meaningful. and thirdly, it is on the time that baguio is at its best (its lowest temperature level in the year and in time for the flower festival - exactly what baguio is really known for around the world).

but, i guess, one huge unuttered impact this experience had been to us, was its deep sense of being a favor and grace granted. it was more than an imagined and wished surprise. it goes on smoothly as if natural and unnoticed, yet, so loud as an undeserved favor. indeed, a gift!

so they say, life is full of surprises. life is also like a gift wrapped in many beautiful colors and shapes. and what a great way to celebrate it but with being grateful, and excited. to receive the gifts with such immensity, with such a zest for life and bliss, for delight and gratitude! celebrating the gift to its fullest while honoring the giver to its utmost!

TA NGATA?

ta ngata uman
ta pabago-bago ana isip
arog kana pabago-bagong panahom

ta ngata kaya
ta ana puso nagbabago
nalilingaw, nag-gugurang
ana mga tawo

ta ngata iba na
ana kaisipan saka mga plano
diri nagtutunong
sa kakaisip, kakabago

mala ng pagal
hanggang kuno migaka-agko
katapusan ana kapagalan

ta ngata ta
natatapos ana gab-i
pag nag-abot ana aldow

ta ngata na sira
nagbabago, nabubuhay
nagpapa ingalo, nabubuhay
pa nanggad

ararom na rarupon
ana salog na ararom
arog kana buhay
malang rarom, malang sakit

nang matapilok at mapaso ang dila

(isang pagbabalik tanaw sa isang kwento ng pag-ibig...)

unashamed love

You're calling me to lay aside
Worries of my day
To quiet down my busy mind
And find a hiding place
To sing worthy
You're so worthy

Open up my heart and
Let my spirit worship You
Open up my mouth and
Let a song of praise come forth
Worthy, You are worthy!

Have a child-like faith
Have my honest praise
Have my unashamed love
Have a holy life
Have my sacrifice
Have my unashamed love

Worthy, we cry worthy!!!

(the carrier single of james cotterell's album. been so in love with this song ever since it reached my ears, which was just last christmas. its unique melody which is very much like a host of angels' hallelujah chorus gripped my heart intensely. and i keep praying for this kind of love and faith!)

Angels Wish

(We know things that the angels ‘long to look into’.)

Was God smiling
When He spoke the words
That made the world
And did He cry about the flood
What does God’s voice sound like
When He sings, when He’s angry
These are just a few things
That the angels have on me

Well / Still, I can’t fly
At least not yet
I’ve got no halo on my head
And I can’t even start to picture Heaven’s beauty
But I’ve been shown the Savior’s love
The grace of God has raised me up
To show me things the angels long to look into
And I know things
The angels only wish they knew

I have seen the dark and desperate place
Where sin will take you
I’ve felt loneliness and shame
And I have watched the blinding light of grace
Come breaking through with a sweetness
Only tasted by the forgiven and redeemed

And someday I’ll sit down with my angel friends
Up in Heaven
They’ll tell me about creation
And I’ll tell them a story of grace

(sinulat at kinanta ni Steven Curtis Chapman, isang bagong paborito ko ngayon at mainstay ng aking mp3 player, hehehe... wait until you hear its great melody and unique na interpretation, not to mention its insightful truth. i think it had a powerful impact, too, when i used it as part of my expository preaching of Zechariah 1-6. yeah, it is one to six!)

Crossing the Bridge When There Is One

Dear Hassan,

So is this it after some time… is this it?!

Is this the bridge worth crossing now? Is this what is meant by a test of time? That something which grows stronger at the test of time?

Is this the miracle of God? Is this what they call ‘leap of faith’? Is this what they call ‘courage’? Is this what they call ‘love’?

How can it be that understanding and reasons are elusive? How can I ever realize that I have loved you without knowing clearly why and how? How can life be this different and hard? Yet, be joyful and exciting as well.

There is neither assurance nor tangibles between us even as I write now. There is not even a hint of what is in your heart and mind. But I pursue this leap of faith, this grasp of courage, and this miracle of love and living!

I pray for wisdom and neither confusion nor fear…

~Hadassah ;-)


Impressions

That you have a clear mandate from the Lord and you know it well. And there are also specific ones. May you be able to clarify and obey them.

That part of the mandate is God’s clear guidance on your future family. May the gracious God grant you the best wife, one who will be your match and soulmate, one whom you will serve the Lord with, one who will be the best mother of your children.

That you have to take courage and continue to take that leap of faith. Take courage to open your heart and receive His miracle of love.

(ika-sampung araw ng unang buwan ng taong ito po ito naisulat... kasama ang buwan sa kanyang paglabas. ito'y isang mayamang pagpapahayag ng saloobin sa naising maging makatotohanan at may katapatan sa sarili lamang.)

watch out!

for the coming out of the long-awaited 'the face and the violin' of this blogger ;-)
coming soon, i hope really soon!!!

the path of the rainbow...

Okay, LORD!

I'm ready to face this life that I have now for good. I'm ready now (as I always dream of), to be single for life! Just don't allow to grow in me the heart of an old maid ;-)... what i meant by that, you already know!

Instead, I pray that you would fill me with that great and overflowing joy, overflowing from Your Throne of grace... that humility, too, as well as the servanthood of Jesus... the boldness, too, from the Holy Spirit... coupled with Your wisdom and grace!

So, it's exactly a year now when you took him away from me. With the only desire to obey and honor You, I let go of him despite all the pains. It was never an easy path... well, so narrow, the one less travelled and never familiar. that path of brokenness, groaning, and giving away... to the point of death!

But, it's that same path towards healing and restoration, as well. that same path where the rainbow used to appear right after a great storm. that path towards life and towards Him, who is more and bigger than life itself.

(01 december 2K5, 1845 hrs, at frio mixx ali mall, phils)

SAIL ON

leaves falling
eastern wind blowing
seasons changing
the coming and going

love divine
grace moments
WALANG HANGGAN
abide, stay

newness, freshness
shedding off the old skin
pruning, purging
behold, the NEW has come!

changes
move on
rest and linger
TRUST!

i'll never be the same again

since this day
the 10th of the first month of this new year
this God-given time and space

since this day
when the staffcon culminated
with these profession of faith

i'll never be the same again

faith
declaration
trust

i'll never be the same again

since this day
when i finally met him
after almost two years

hope
redemption
rejoicing

i'll never be the same again

because of
LOVE!

masiram na pagbalik tan-aw sa nakaagi (what homecoming really means)

sa wakas, nakauli man nanggad ako... salamat sa alawig na bakasyon kin iisipon, pero sa kamatoran sana la palan kaatlukot. matood lang na nag-iiba ana pananaw pag nasa baloy mo ika. agko kakaibang pagmate, buko sanang pananaw. agko naiibang karanasan, buko sanang kamatean.

dipisil ispilingon ana mga bagay-bagay pag arog kadi ana kamutangan. agko naiibang karanasan, kamatean, saka pananaw. amo adi nagiginibo kana baloy. baloy, usad na lugar na nagtatao sa ibang paglaom, ibang kakusugan, ibang kaogmahan.

(amo di so juan carlos, usad na dahilan kin ngata ako dapat na makauli... iya ana regalo kana Diyos sadto pinsan ko saka sa agon niya. siya ana itinaong kaogmahan sa mga kagurangan, kahubenan, saka mga kaiginan kana pamilya niya... siyempre, gwapo yan ta inaanak ko baya, hehehe...)