disturbances

they are the unwelcome... unwanted... undesirable spicies of living.
at times, it is not just healthy to have them, but more so, really good and necessary.
to face them, to confront them head on, with an unwavering heart. indeed, why not?

my friends at global village seven years ago, used to urge me to be spontaneous and enjoy life's many surprises. neil would always tease me to get rid of my planning-freak lifestyle then. he would always just pop up around with the gang and drag me and the rest of the prim and proper planning office girls to either the highest of the heights or the lowest of the low. the former can either be in the names of the 'tops' or that famed 'mr. a's'... the latter can be any seaside that is open until the wee hours of the morning. sometimes, we tried just joy riding around the two island cities of the south connected by two great bridges. sometimes, it is fun just moping under one of those bridges at 12 midnight. and sometimes, we just content ourselves with bar hopings, from one hotel here to another there, and the many mushrooming latest craze in town. what i would like the most would be those times at the bo's or that one at 'pitcher plant' and that one somewhere near the capitol where anyone can just hang around to sing, drink, and be merry.

these were some disturbances to me as, well, i'm never a party animal. they simply aren't my turf. i am but a content home buddy. i grew up a minimalist. i grew up full with simple lifestyle. but never simplistic. i can't stand fast, complex, and complicated situations and lifestyle. i easily get tired and confused with many choices. so, the simpler and minimal the scenarios are, the better and happier!

one recent disturbance is when gartogcel (one of the bosses in our management team), in his normal demeanor and attitude of 'pakikialam', just pop up my small space (short for 'in front of a pc') in the office today and threw some innocent but disturbing questions. well, in this normal mood of mine, i told him that he really has a way of disturbing people, that it is his greatest gift, hehehe...

it was but one simple question. why am I leaving the movement?
from that comes many small connected frames of thoughts - how sure am i that this is it? that this is my time to go and resign? how sure am i that this is my call at this time? that i am not just running away from something or someone? that i am not just escaping from difficulties and challenges? that i am not just doing what i want to do, maybe, whimsically and vocationally?

indeed, why? how sure am i?