pleasant surprises

it is only here
here and now
that i am lavished
with so much

so much love
too many blessings
prayers unuttered
all were answered

lolo dave gave
some real dimes
for my new cellphone
a great polyphonic

a simple replacement
of one that was taken
a neighbor coveted
for mine only three-week old

which was also another gift
a seventy five bucks
christmas gift of sofia
and her group in CA

another pleasant surprise
a USB flash drive
another prayer answered
prayer that was never uttered

she thought of giving me on
as an early christmas gift
she thought just at the right time
when my heart was secretly asking our Dad

what a perfect timing
His timing, as usual
always perfect
never a coincidence

finally, there is this
one heart wish
a real one for a poor girl
one i can never afford at this time

not so much a need though
but just a request for a treat
a treat in one great love of my life
a company filled with music and life

yet, He lavished it to me
in moment i never expected
one that is a real treat
in the middle of a crisis

a crisis that speaks of incapacity
a state of vulnerability
one that leads to ultimate surrender
no other way but utter dependence

KD and his dear wife
gave this real treat
another christmas gift at the offing
an mp3 player, what a treat!

a deep sense of lavish love surging
from His heart to His people's
so much love, so much favor
unworthy, undeserving, i am humbled

but never in my ways
never without so much agony
so much curving of my will and heart
so as to capture His and no other

long days, weeks and months
even years in the offing
so long time of waiting
long and agonizing nights

enduring hope
surrendered will
captured heart
none other than His

to be His forever...

the inevitables...

too many goodbyes
too many letting go
too many pains
too many scars

relinguishing again and again
loosing all forms of control
why would this motiff need to be
so constant and true in my life

are they really inevitables
as precious as gasping for breath
every millisecond of unending
timeline and life span

my unfinished story...

wishing for a future

band
team
and
performance

the family

what do you do?

what do you do when you terribly do miss someone or something? ;-)
what do you do when all forms of justification ceases to make sense?
what do you do when everything fails to satisfy such deep longing...
such deep longing and yearning which are larger than life, beyond yourself?

i often hear a dear old friend and good ate
who openly expresses her lingering sense of unhappiness
her yearning for that something bigger than herself
her longing for something she can never understand

where would these things come from?
why would He allow this constant visitation?
who would dare confront its reality?
how would one care to hope and cope?

hard questions
costly errors
harsh realities
deep scars

if only these would remain a clear reminder
if only these would keep yelling my humanity
if only these would lead me to a deep acceptance
if only these would tell me who i really am

then, so be it
let it be that
my only life
be an offering

an offering in the making
a sacrifice in the offing
have Your way in me
be in unto me...

according to Your word
according to Your standard
according to Your holiness
according to Your justice
according to Your love

i am secure
i am alright
as it is well
with my sould
indeed!

yearning, as a constant reminder
of ultimate surrender
of utter dependence
there is no other way

longing, in deep remembrance
of the many weaknesses
of the countless failures
this is simply humanity

acceptance
my humanity
all those mistakes
all those scars

deep in my heart
cut along my face
hidden in my soul
lingering, deeply etched

forever

hush
my soul
hush
my heart

pour out
peace
relinguish
love

all graces
all wisdom
all joys
all hope

be still
listen
in His presence
linger

wait...
keep watch
be silent
He is near

to others
portions are given
well-cut
paths well-trodden

yet, for some
cups are full
with sorrow
gifts withheld

to others are given
to some are taken away
only so that in all its beauty
all bests are known

for your sake
for my sake
for His name's sake
for His own glory

how about this one?

for a first violin
for the first lessons
in music
in life

what a privilege
what an honor
such a great gift
luxurious, costly!

introducing... my new legolas!

Huwag Na Wag Mong Sasabihin

Ni Kitchie Nadal

May gusto ka bang sabihin
Ba’t di mapakali, ni hindi makatingin
Sana’y ‘wag mo na itong palipasin
At subukang lutasin
Sana’y sinabi mo na

Refrain:
Iba’ng nararapat sa akin
Na tunay kong mamahalin

Chorus:
Oh, huwag na wag mong sasabihin
Na hindi mo nadama itong
Pag-ibig kong handang
Ibigay kahit pa kalayaan mo

Ano man ang iyong akala
Na ako’y isang bituin na walang sasambahin
‘Di ko man ito ipakita
Abot-langit ang daing
Sana’y sinabi mo na

At sa gabi, sinong duduyan sayo
At sa umaga, ang hangin ang hahaplos sayo

favorite collection

Sacred Journey
(Written by Marry McCall, David Batteau & Darrell Brown; First Call Album )
This song is dedicated to Frederick Buechner as thanks for the encouragement he has brought to many of us as we stumble down the path

Wide awake at three a. m.
When I hear the whistle blow
Watchin’ all the cars go by
Where does everybody go

Every road, every stream
Every prayer, every dream
You are there my Lord
Heavens mystery
How you are here with me
On this sacred journey

Chorus
Open the gates to your heart
(on this sacred journey)
Let the light into the dark
(on this sacred journey)
He’ll meet you right where you are

Spillin’ thoughts across the page
Morning sun is sneakin’ in
Say a little prayer for me
As another day begins

Strength to strength, life goes on
Room to room, dark till dawn
You are there my Lord
Heavens mystery
How you are here with me
On this sacred journey



Evidence of Love
(Written by Lowell Alexander & Bonnie Keen)
”Whoever is wise, let him heed these things and consider the great love of the Lord.” – Psalms 107.4)

It is written in the colors
Of a thousand autumn twilights
Painted in the eyes of a child
Spoken as forgiveness
By an honest open hand
It’s the friend who will walk the extra mile
It’s the giving when there is not enough
There is everywhere the evidence of love

Open your eyes and look upon
The handiwork of God
Open your soul and feel
The breath of glory all around
For everywhere there’s evidence of love

It’s living in the rich earth
Waving in the wind
It’s music that moves us to believe
And dying in a small town
Knowing where true love begins
It’s hope beyond what we can see

It’s the mercy when tears are not enough
There is everywhere the evidence of love

Chorus
Open your eyes and look upon
The handiwork of God
Open your soul and feel
The breath of glory all around
For everywhere there’s evidence of love

A simple crucifix hanging on the wall
Everywhere there’s evidence of love

more ravens... in the making ;-)

finally!
me sweldo na kami
kahit partial ng partial
iba pa rin
kasi meron talaga

maliban pa yan
sa malusog na pangangatawan
at di maubos-ubos
na 'fats' sa kung saan-saang
bahagi, o 'di ba?

at syempre pa
di pwedeng ipagkaila
ang katakot-takot
na sense of sufficiency
of every need

dahil sa mga taong
nagmamahal,
kumakalinga,
sumusuporta
sa maraming kaparaanan!

salamat sa Diyos
sa kanilang kabutihang-loob
at sa maraming bagay
na nagpapalakas
ng kalooban

many times nga
eh feeling ko
di ako nauubusan ng pera
dahil sa mga bigay dito
at bigay doon...

simulan kaya natin
kahit mahigpit ang biling
ito ay confidential
talaga naman
eh, di mapigilan ang puso

nagdiriwang,
nagpapasalamat,
kailangang kumilala at
tumanaw ng utang na loob?
o simpleng pagkilala

sa kabutihan ng Diyos
sa pamamagitan nila
kaya wag ipagsabi
please...
tayong dalawa lang dapat
ang nakakaalam

sikreto
malalim na lihim
mahigpit na ipinagbabawal
ikwento sa kahit na kanino
pakiusap lamang

siya, eto na sila...
ginoong lolo dave
isang maginoong mama
mula sa wales
ni princess diana

kapitbahay daw sila
ni catherine zeta jones
kaya naman matinding giver
very generous at maawain
salamat po ng marami

sa inyong buhay
sa inyong bahay
sa inyong pamilya
na walang sawang i-shi-nare
sa amin

at ngayon
pati cell phone at load ko
pati na sweldo namin for several weeks
ay inyong ipinagkaloob
pinag-ipunan at ni-raise for us

di limang isang daan
o kaya'y isang libo
kundi't maraming libo
libu-libong nakakagulat
nakakapalambot ng puso

nakakalaglag luha
nakakagulat ng todo
you should have seen
my eyes, my face
my great surprise
my heart in great tears

iba ang sorpresa ng Diyos
totoo at malalim
kakaibang talaga
beyond all our expectations
we can never fathom or understand

lagi tayong below His ways
below His expectations
kasi tao lamang po
at higit na naiintindihan
ng dakilang Maykapal

andyan din si ate libay
na nagbigay ng isang libong
pagmamahal at pagkain
para sa mga gutom na Anislagers
ngunit matatabang dalaga pa rin

salamat ng marami
isang dakilang nanay
kahit kayo ay malayo
kami ay sobrang malapit
sa inyong pusong dakila

andyan din sina ate pearl
at talaga naman pati si ate elsie
na nagbigay ng pera na naman
just enough para sa mga butas na bulsa
bulsa para sa mga pamasahe

pamasahe sa pang araw-araw
na pagbisita sa mga bata
paroo't parito
mga trabaho at pinagkakaabalahan
ng mga istafworker

unfinished... si nika, at millie, hannah, and many more...

ravens

been thinking a lot
about taking some time
to capture the sacredness
of this journey in crisis

why would it be necessary
why are there so many needs
why are there wants as well
why, oh, why, indeed

but one thing is clearer now
one thing keeps coming back
crisis brings in a perspective
that only it could bring

such a fresh perspective
on so many things in life
those things that truly matter
those things that are unseen

the young prince, then, is true
that what is essential is
indeed, invisible
invisible to the naked eyes

such invisible thing
as the thought of a deep gratitude
such a deep appreciation
for the timely ravens from heaven

those tiny and obscure ravens
just like that of the old
those that brought provisions
to a man once called elijah

those tiny and obscure ravens
which brought forth provisions
blessings upon blessings
to the many hungry souls

those tiny and obscure ravens
who, with their obedience
has brought in so clearly
the merciful heart of heaven

ravens from above
you just don't know how much
you have made heavens here on earth
in the hearts of those in dire need

needs that were precious
needs that made them vulnerable
needs that were so humbling
making them closer to the Maker

ravens upon ravens
oh, too many of them!
oh, how precious they are
oh, how grateful we are!

if only i could name them
if only He would call them by name
if only He would reward them
one by one, on our behalf!

amazing, oh how amazing
as the Maker released those ravens
just so in time, in His time
just so in time, for His time

(happy birthday rhoda! welkam to the world of the thirtyish, hehehe... thanks ate's libay, pearlie, ces, julie... kuya dave, and many more... like the manila leaders council, the many students... for being our dear ravens for this time! mabuhay kayo...)

baguio confession

it was another first
baguio city adventure
of another kind
another level

it was my very first
to gaze upon the famed
city of pines
and its beautiful people

unfinished...

re-freshing

(this is the exact image of my recent baguio experience together with the NCR staff team where i currently belong as a staffworker. i have experienced re-freshing in varied forms, colors, and shapes. i have been re-freshed physically, emotionally, vocationally, intellectually, spiritually, psychologically... and the list can go on... and on... salamat sa Diyos!)

light of the world

Light of the world
You stepped down into darkness
Opened my eyes let me see

Beauty that made
This heart adore You
Hope of a life spent with You

Chorus:
Here I am to worship
Here I am to bow down
Here I am to say that
You're my God
You're altogether lovely
Altogether worthy
Altogether wonderful to me

King of all days
Oh, so highly exalted
Glorious in heaven above
Humbly You came
To the earth You created
All for love's sake
Became poor

Bridge:
I never know how much it costs
To see my sin upon the Cross
(repeat)

(i first learned this from the young christian students of ifes central asia - kazakhstan last july 2003... thanks to shane and the kids. btw, this is a famous worship song now in our country - seems like everybody's favorite. hmmm... but i wonder who takes the credit here ;-) have to check the composer-lyricist-arranger and producer... anyone who knows?)

the power of TWO

the heart of the matter is the 'heart'

amidst wonderment
amidst confusions
amidst chaos and all
uncertainties

one thing remains
one thing matters
one thing will linger
one thing stays forever

wonderment

why, oh why?
so gartogcel asked
why leave? why resign?
how sure are you?

how sure am i?
that this is the time to go
that the signal has been finally set off
to move on and sail away

'i only want to rest'
that's my initial feeling
and for that answer
gartogcel is content

finally, he was content
and bid away saying
'good! good! very good!'
i wonder then, oh, well!

`coz deep within my heart's recesses
lies some deep uncovered feelings
that of saying my final goodbye
that the end has finally come

for me to be here in this place
that a new place is now being readied
as i tarried to obey
for the next instructions

somehow i also feel
that i needed not just recharging
but refocusing and re-hearing
a new identity, a new dream

a fresh vision, a fresh call
am i still needed here?
is this still my right place under the sun?
am i still obeying or just comfortably lurking?

it's not that i needed meaning
nor that i feel unneeded
it's just that i need clear reasons
why do i do what i do?

it's never enough that i go against the flow
for any sake
or that i go with the flow
for status quo

there simply must be a reason
reason enough to keep me going
reason afresh to recharge me
but never nothingness nor senselessness

can it be that i am tired
so as to loose that call
can it be that i am workaholic
so as to loose that ultimate focus

why do i do what i do?
is there a new cause, a fresh prodding
something that will revive
the sleepy and tired spirit in me

this spirit need to soar high and low again
i want to sing new songs
dream new dreams
weave stories upon stories

just where is the fire?
was it quenched
was it drained?
was it gone?

i cannot live this way
or else i simply will die
die out and die low
i want to live again

to live again to ideals
to empowerment
to life, to love
to Him, for Him

if even that is seemingly lost
what is there to live for
what is there to live out
what is there left for me?

disturbances

they are the unwelcome... unwanted... undesirable spicies of living.
at times, it is not just healthy to have them, but more so, really good and necessary.
to face them, to confront them head on, with an unwavering heart. indeed, why not?

my friends at global village seven years ago, used to urge me to be spontaneous and enjoy life's many surprises. neil would always tease me to get rid of my planning-freak lifestyle then. he would always just pop up around with the gang and drag me and the rest of the prim and proper planning office girls to either the highest of the heights or the lowest of the low. the former can either be in the names of the 'tops' or that famed 'mr. a's'... the latter can be any seaside that is open until the wee hours of the morning. sometimes, we tried just joy riding around the two island cities of the south connected by two great bridges. sometimes, it is fun just moping under one of those bridges at 12 midnight. and sometimes, we just content ourselves with bar hopings, from one hotel here to another there, and the many mushrooming latest craze in town. what i would like the most would be those times at the bo's or that one at 'pitcher plant' and that one somewhere near the capitol where anyone can just hang around to sing, drink, and be merry.

these were some disturbances to me as, well, i'm never a party animal. they simply aren't my turf. i am but a content home buddy. i grew up a minimalist. i grew up full with simple lifestyle. but never simplistic. i can't stand fast, complex, and complicated situations and lifestyle. i easily get tired and confused with many choices. so, the simpler and minimal the scenarios are, the better and happier!

one recent disturbance is when gartogcel (one of the bosses in our management team), in his normal demeanor and attitude of 'pakikialam', just pop up my small space (short for 'in front of a pc') in the office today and threw some innocent but disturbing questions. well, in this normal mood of mine, i told him that he really has a way of disturbing people, that it is his greatest gift, hehehe...

it was but one simple question. why am I leaving the movement?
from that comes many small connected frames of thoughts - how sure am i that this is it? that this is my time to go and resign? how sure am i that this is my call at this time? that i am not just running away from something or someone? that i am not just escaping from difficulties and challenges? that i am not just doing what i want to do, maybe, whimsically and vocationally?

indeed, why? how sure am i?

reflection 101: called to obey

So they are aware… in fact, they are hurting… they are crying!
Pleading to God for mercy, for forgiveness, for healing, for restoration… of justice and righteousness in the land. Among and for the Filipinos and their children’s children.

This was the scenario of the first praise and prayer morning of the six-day leadership-discipleship camp here in metro manila. More than 135 college students and young professionals from all over metro manila, cavite, laguna, Batangas, and Mindoro were kneeling down and crying out to God for mercy and healing for our land and people. For not more than 30 minutes, not one eye was dry, not one mouth was shut up, not one heart was crushed. Everyone was praying, body-soul-spirit, in utter brokenness before the throne of grace. Not one heart was unaffected. Not one person was uninvolved and unconcerned.

I was proven wrong. I so thought that the youth of this land simply do not care for they are either unaffected or busy doing their own thing. I thought that they are protected by their own concerns and created worldly cares. I thought that they are covered by their easy-go-lucky posture and loose pluralistic worldviews these days. But, I was proven wrong.

Our youth are affected. They are aware of what’s happening around them. And they are hurting. They are concern and they want change. They want to take part in the process and make a difference. They are, just like the rest of the world, tired of the status quo, the injustice they are suffering in all forms, colors, and shapes. They are crying and begging God for mercy, healing and restoration.

If there is one huge concern that they are crying for, it is the crisis of leadership. And I am filled with hope and joy seeing that they want to be movers of hope and change. And that is to start change within them. If our problem is a crisis in the good leadership and governance of the country when our leaders would loose face and integrity, our hope now lies in the hands of these young men and women, who are not afraid to allow change to begin from among and within themselves.

There is hope. We declare hope. For as long as we have the life of hopeful change from among the ideals of the youth, we will never fall. We will never loose faith. We will never be put to shame. We can declare that we shall see the sun rise again for the Filipino people, and their children’s children. We declare the day when justice and righteousness will shine like a noonday sun again in our land.

Gat. Jose Rizal is after all still calling… that the youth of this land will remain our hope. For they are aware, in fact, they are hurting and crying for change… which is within their hands. Change that is happening as it begins among and within themselves.

As they pray, the answer is coming… their hearts are changed… they become the answers to their own prayers! That is the power of prayer! Prayer changes hearts and people. After all, the heart of the matter, in fact, all these things that matter to us, is simply the ‘heart’ of the man! One changed heart towards God’s holiness, is one changed nation. One hopeful future for the land.

And that was only the first morning. So imagine the prayers still poured out during meal times, the sessions on rekindling the love for the country, the missions nights, and the rest of the other morning prayer times.

And that was only this years LCDC… How about the other five more I had witnessed the past six years of my staff life? And the other five more when I was still a student? This land has and will always have a future, as long as the youth of this land are aware, concern, and desire to be the hope and future of this land. As long as the change or transformation of the heart starts from among and within themselves. So long as God does the overhauling of the heart of the matter which is simply our hearts.

~Hadassah Leung