broken. extreme brokenness. this captures well my current state of being.
restless. sleepless. are just but a few of its symptoms.
it's almost wake up time for many who dared tread the path well traveled at night. as they laid their heads and consciousness still and at rest. unlike them, i'm still up, up and about. restless. sleepless. nothing to awaken, only to sober. nothing to dust in my eye, only to stop. to stop the flowing river of unwanted tears.
why do tears linger? why do mourning stay? why are nights too long?
two theories. two possibilities. there is hope.
can be still a part of that enduring state of painful letting go. or can be a growing sense of a new life, an anticipation. a birthing after a death.
just like a seed which can never give birth to many more seeds if it does not die. a death that must happen before it can even live on its own. a death that is hard, harsh and cruel.
deadly pains.
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