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Thursday, September 27, 2007
nothing to hope for, except this...
17 "Behold, I will create
new heavens and a new earth.
The former things will not be remembered,
nor will they come to mind.
18 But be glad and rejoice forever
in what I will create,
for I will create Jerusalem to be a delight
and its people a joy.
19 I will rejoice over Jerusalem
and take delight in my people;
the sound of weeping and of crying
will be heard in it no more.
20 "Never again will there be in it
an infant who lives but a few days,
or an old man who does not live out his years;
he who dies at a hundred
will be thought a mere youth;
he who fails to reach [a] a hundred
will be considered accursed.
21 They will build houses and dwell in them;
they will plant vineyards and eat their fruit.
22 No longer will they build houses and others live in them,
or plant and others eat.
For as the days of a tree,
so will be the days of my people;
my chosen ones will long enjoy
the works of their hands.
23 They will not toil in vain
or bear children doomed to misfortune;
for they will be a people blessed by the LORD,
they and their descendants with them.
24 Before they call I will answer;
while they are still speaking I will hear.
25 The wolf and the lamb will feed together,
and the lion will eat straw like the ox,
but dust will be the serpent's food.
They will neither harm nor destroy
on all my holy mountain,"
says the LORD.
New Heavens and a New Earth
Isaiah 65
new heavens and a new earth.
The former things will not be remembered,
nor will they come to mind.
18 But be glad and rejoice forever
in what I will create,
for I will create Jerusalem to be a delight
and its people a joy.
19 I will rejoice over Jerusalem
and take delight in my people;
the sound of weeping and of crying
will be heard in it no more.
20 "Never again will there be in it
an infant who lives but a few days,
or an old man who does not live out his years;
he who dies at a hundred
will be thought a mere youth;
he who fails to reach [a] a hundred
will be considered accursed.
21 They will build houses and dwell in them;
they will plant vineyards and eat their fruit.
22 No longer will they build houses and others live in them,
or plant and others eat.
For as the days of a tree,
so will be the days of my people;
my chosen ones will long enjoy
the works of their hands.
23 They will not toil in vain
or bear children doomed to misfortune;
for they will be a people blessed by the LORD,
they and their descendants with them.
24 Before they call I will answer;
while they are still speaking I will hear.
25 The wolf and the lamb will feed together,
and the lion will eat straw like the ox,
but dust will be the serpent's food.
They will neither harm nor destroy
on all my holy mountain,"
says the LORD.
New Heavens and a New Earth
Isaiah 65
Sunday, February 18, 2007
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new life
today is papa's birthday. praise God for new life each day! most of all, for HIS love! looking forward to starting therapy next week and leaving the hospital soon. also for provision for the soaring hospital bills.
(15 february 2007)
HIS love endures forever!
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this is all we want to say: "the LORD is good and His love endures forever!"
glory to God in the highest... as He alone deserves all our praise and adoration.
papa's very close encounter with death and life has brought precious times of reflection about what really matters most in and about this life we doubly received in and through Christ and for Christ! Papa's deep love for and knowledge of (which biblically means 'intimacy' as john piper would say) GOD has been his most important legacy to us his children, family and friends. that's why i believe that whether in his life and in his death, the LORD will be glorified again and again! to quote from Paul, "I honestly expect and hope that i will never do anything to be ashamed of. whether I live or die, i always want to be as brave as i am now and bring honor to Christ. If i live, it will be for Christ, and if i die, I will gain even more..." amen.
early in the morning last friday, 9 feb 2007, mama and papa left the bible college (where they serve as teachers and senior staff) and went to visit the pioneering work in a predominantly catholic area, two hours away. this place has been that most resistant to the gospel in bicol region, yet, last summer's evangelistic campaign that papa and mama actively joined, this had the most number of baptized people (including many young professionals and students). so papa assumed another pioneering church work, as senior pastor of a 7-year old church in balatan (sunday morning) and this one in nabua (sunday afternoon). i am quite amazed how come my father never stops doing pioneering evangelistic work despite his age.
from around 1pm, papa, mama and my brother nono went house to house visitation for the newly baptized believers of nabua. i remember this is also how these three people started the work in balatan years ago - praying for the sick and doing bible studies.
it was a physically challenging and very humid day for them. around 830pm as they were preparing to go home, papa started to mumble and cant walk properly anymore. when they gave him water, he wasnt able to take it anymore. he refused to be brought to the hospital but some 10 minutes later, his left body was not functioning well anymore as he can't get out of the car on his own. and the symptom was for a stroke or a "brain attack" when blood flow to the brain stops because it is blocked by a clot. the brain cells in the immediate area begin to die because they stop getting the oxygen and nutrients they need to function. stroke damage in the brain can affect the entire body - resulting in mild to severe disabilities. these include paralysis, problems with thinking, problems with speaking, and emotional problems.
there are two kinds of stroke. the most common kind of stroke, called ischemic stroke, is caused by a blood clot that blocks or plugs a blood vessel in the brain. the other kind of stroke, called hemorrhagic stroke, is caused by a blood vessel that breaks and bleeds into the brain.
papa's case is called a hemorrhagic stroke, the worst of this 2 kinds of stroke. he had a hematoma at the upper right brain of not smaller than my fist. this means that 1/3 of his right brain was covered with blood. if it didnt stop, he can be fully paralyzed, be in coma and eventually grow weak.
in God's sovereign love and grace, nothing of the worst scenario happened. instead, God showed His being our Creator and ultimate source of life. He gives and He takes away. He did both to papa... gave him new life and took away the fear of death. after seven days, rejoice with us for his stabilizing condition and fast recovery. doc justin novela (an ivcf grad) said that he can be discharged after another week and that we can start therapy for his paralyzed left body. hmm... alleluia, indeed!!!
papa can hear well, recognize people, speaks and jokes a lot esp to the doctors, can write still, and of course talks a lot about his work... he still remembers all his schedule and duties for each day and asks a lot what we are doing about his work. he also tells about his many other plans the coming weeks. still thinking about the work for the LORD even in this time of suffering.
as some of you know, we share papa to many communities as a father-pastor. so somehow, we have countless extended families and adopted siblings. there was even a day in the hospital that not less than 50 people came in droves. so just imagine how the past seven days looked like. that's why on the 4th day we have to post a doctor's advice that visitors can only stay for not less than 30 minutes as we are not in a family reunion festivities but in the hospital
another highlight is papa's craving for food as he celebrates life so much in this state of feasting always! he had a hard time adjusting then sa naso-gastric tube (NGT) way of having his 'liquified' food. but he would never cease asking kung me gulay ba or fruits sa food nya as he loves gulay at fruits.
thank you so much for journeying with us this special time for our family. we are so honored to be co-witnesses with you God's new ways of revealing who HE is to us! that His love never fails; that He is sovereign; that He alone is the giver, sustainer and ultimate end of our life and being!
to GOD be all the glory forever... even as we still ask for on-going strength (physically, emotionally, spiritually) for papa and the family (esp to mama who is also hypertensive and is maintaining meds now). we are getting weak day after day from the many challenges. may the Holy Spirit's constant joy and peace grow in us. also for the financial provision as our parents do not have health insurance or any other governmental benefits. they have always been and will always be 'living by faith" as workers. our needs are in the forms of medicine for both our parents and the hospital bills.
praise God for the pouring of many encouragement... to mention a few, thank God for Dr. Justin Novela who serves as my parents' doctors for free. thank God, too, for Dr. Raymond Gacias, the only neurologist in our city, Iriga City, who is patiently caring for papa. thank God for all of you who visited, prayed and gave monetary support and food. may the Lord bless you all on our behalf! may the Lord's love be upon you day after day.
on a personal note... i believe that the LORD is challenging us as a family to live more focused on Him alone and get out of our comfort zones. this experience led me to seriously live out a recent commitment i made in serving the LORD through my Islamic studies with its implications... part of that can be facing my reluctance to getting married soon for the sake of the LORD's ways... and also, the value of life lived to the fullest for the Master and King, our Father and Savior...
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Shukran, Shukran... Ibn GWYY
Dear 'Kuya',
filipinos concept of sin is 'shame' that's why when you call a person 'no-shame' that would be the worst situation one can ever be, synonymous maybe to an 'end of the world' condition. it can be the equivalent of japanese or chinese's concepts of honor.
because of this, when we are grateful, we coin it with this. so, i would like to say, i am so full of shame in my inability to thank you enough for everything... but thank God, we also have this concept of 'utang na loob' which, literally translated as 'debt from inside' with the word 'inside' relating to the deeper being of the 'heart'. however, 'utang na loob' really means the 'debt of gratitude' which, because of the 'goodness' of shame, it puts one in such a deep obligation to be indebted or thankful for a lifetime.
so, i will not be stuck in shame anymore as i have the chance to be indebted to you in this lifetime. but of course, the Lord repays and rewards on behalf of those who are unable... i pray that the Lord remember you with favor on our behalf, on my behalf... as Nehemiah prayed for God's favor.
having said this, i praise God for the sense of 'life' that Dr. WYH's words has brought to my spirit. i am deeply humbled, honored, enriched and encouraged! thank you to you both for this honor and journey.
hope to hear from you again as you deem it necessary to get in touch with me po. i will also take it as my privilege and obligation to keep in touch with you as needed for the sake of building God's kingdom!
best regards to your family and the family and friends in the movement...
shukran!
~shajarah
filipinos concept of sin is 'shame' that's why when you call a person 'no-shame' that would be the worst situation one can ever be, synonymous maybe to an 'end of the world' condition. it can be the equivalent of japanese or chinese's concepts of honor.
because of this, when we are grateful, we coin it with this. so, i would like to say, i am so full of shame in my inability to thank you enough for everything... but thank God, we also have this concept of 'utang na loob' which, literally translated as 'debt from inside' with the word 'inside' relating to the deeper being of the 'heart'. however, 'utang na loob' really means the 'debt of gratitude' which, because of the 'goodness' of shame, it puts one in such a deep obligation to be indebted or thankful for a lifetime.
so, i will not be stuck in shame anymore as i have the chance to be indebted to you in this lifetime. but of course, the Lord repays and rewards on behalf of those who are unable... i pray that the Lord remember you with favor on our behalf, on my behalf... as Nehemiah prayed for God's favor.
having said this, i praise God for the sense of 'life' that Dr. WYH's words has brought to my spirit. i am deeply humbled, honored, enriched and encouraged! thank you to you both for this honor and journey.
hope to hear from you again as you deem it necessary to get in touch with me po. i will also take it as my privilege and obligation to keep in touch with you as needed for the sake of building God's kingdom!
best regards to your family and the family and friends in the movement...
shukran!
~shajarah
Taken, Broken, Given Away
Brokenness 101
I'm not mad, dear. Just feel a bit tired. Can you stop complaining for yourself? You can rebuke and scold me if it is for God, but not for you, please. Thanks.
Please memorize Colossians 1.16. Everything is created by God and for God. I am created by God and for God, not for you. Same thing with you, and the other people as well. Thanks.
Ravens 101
How can one be so ungrateful and hopeless? When everything around points to favor and gracious?
people in the dorm
love and belonging
community life
acceptance and joy
dormitory privileges
a home here and now
temporary abode
haven of rest and restoration
tipid, tipid, tipid
walking-walking
reflection-prayer
exercise, veganism
free $30 reader
from ruby and robert
encountering the world
my world of islam
lunch 101 today
a lady in shining armour
18 pesos salvation from shame
free lunch, pay it forward
thank you, beth
God bless your soul!
daming free ngayon
in-in and carla
prayer mountain bonding
free everything plus, plus
food, food, ride
stories, stories, plans
pizza, friulli, pizza
time, presence, love
sino pa? at ano pa?
ate pearly and her constant
presence and reminder
for my own future
health card and benefits
payments here and there
scholarships and support
ano pa nga ba? salamat talaga!
ate libay, ate elsie
dakilang mga kaguruan
ibn gwyy, dr. hwy
dakilang mga geya
syempre si iva, si sheena
si rhea, si chris at si kalai
dami-dami naman pala
la pa nga si sheila at reena
syempre pinakamahalaga ngayon
si yonan at mga nanay at tatay
salamat sa pag-ibig at pagtanggap
mabuhay kayo, purihin si yhwh
mga bagong kakilala sa pasay
abdullah at jj at em at ric
salamat, salamat po
hanggang sa muling pagkikita
dami naman nito, ah
wala ng pakawala pa
eto na sila sa frontiers
mimi, roen, buddy, joy
kailangang mag-take stock
magbilang at magpasalamat palagi
pagpapakumbaba at pagsunod
focus, focus: SOLI DEO GLORIA!
I'm not mad, dear. Just feel a bit tired. Can you stop complaining for yourself? You can rebuke and scold me if it is for God, but not for you, please. Thanks.
Please memorize Colossians 1.16. Everything is created by God and for God. I am created by God and for God, not for you. Same thing with you, and the other people as well. Thanks.
Ravens 101
How can one be so ungrateful and hopeless? When everything around points to favor and gracious?
people in the dorm
love and belonging
community life
acceptance and joy
dormitory privileges
a home here and now
temporary abode
haven of rest and restoration
tipid, tipid, tipid
walking-walking
reflection-prayer
exercise, veganism
free $30 reader
from ruby and robert
encountering the world
my world of islam
lunch 101 today
a lady in shining armour
18 pesos salvation from shame
free lunch, pay it forward
thank you, beth
God bless your soul!
daming free ngayon
in-in and carla
prayer mountain bonding
free everything plus, plus
food, food, ride
stories, stories, plans
pizza, friulli, pizza
time, presence, love
sino pa? at ano pa?
ate pearly and her constant
presence and reminder
for my own future
health card and benefits
payments here and there
scholarships and support
ano pa nga ba? salamat talaga!
ate libay, ate elsie
dakilang mga kaguruan
ibn gwyy, dr. hwy
dakilang mga geya
syempre si iva, si sheena
si rhea, si chris at si kalai
dami-dami naman pala
la pa nga si sheila at reena
syempre pinakamahalaga ngayon
si yonan at mga nanay at tatay
salamat sa pag-ibig at pagtanggap
mabuhay kayo, purihin si yhwh
mga bagong kakilala sa pasay
abdullah at jj at em at ric
salamat, salamat po
hanggang sa muling pagkikita
dami naman nito, ah
wala ng pakawala pa
eto na sila sa frontiers
mimi, roen, buddy, joy
kailangang mag-take stock
magbilang at magpasalamat palagi
pagpapakumbaba at pagsunod
focus, focus: SOLI DEO GLORIA!
my shajarah, oh, shajarah...
how have you been?
how was the journey?
how is your heart?
are you really back home?
my shajarah, oh, shajarah
welcome home...
is it really home?
will it ever be the same again?
six months
a hundred and eighty four
days, to be exact
long nights and days
emotional whirlwind
onerous movements
coming to and fro
restless, volatile
arbitrary
fleeting
transitory
momentary
shipwrecked
ecstatic
push and pull
unfamiliar
nothing certain
all taken away
east and west
highs and lows
two things i asked
two things granted
simplicity and poverty
brokenness and suffering
yet never was gone
gnawing peace and endurance
such majesty of calmness
always extensive, long-lasting
where have you been?
where are you going?
are you really back?
are you really home?
is it really home?
is it still the same?
will you ever be?
home and home again?
changes
brokenness
growth
suffering
home
is it true
will it ever be
such a reality
never will your heart be
home again
never will there be
the same home again
arbitrary
fleeting
transitory
momentary
so how is your heart?
will it ever be
a welcome home again...
oh shajarah!
how was the journey?
how is your heart?
are you really back home?
my shajarah, oh, shajarah
welcome home...
is it really home?
will it ever be the same again?
six months
a hundred and eighty four
days, to be exact
long nights and days
emotional whirlwind
onerous movements
coming to and fro
restless, volatile
arbitrary
fleeting
transitory
momentary
shipwrecked
ecstatic
push and pull
unfamiliar
nothing certain
all taken away
east and west
highs and lows
two things i asked
two things granted
simplicity and poverty
brokenness and suffering
yet never was gone
gnawing peace and endurance
such majesty of calmness
always extensive, long-lasting
where have you been?
where are you going?
are you really back?
are you really home?
is it really home?
is it still the same?
will you ever be?
home and home again?
changes
brokenness
growth
suffering
home
is it true
will it ever be
such a reality
never will your heart be
home again
never will there be
the same home again
arbitrary
fleeting
transitory
momentary
so how is your heart?
will it ever be
a welcome home again...
oh shajarah!
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Homecoming Entry
Dear Lord, your apostle Thomas wanted to see you and touch your wounds. He was not satisfied with the enthusiastic words of his friends. He wanted to experience your presence with his own senses.
How I can understand that desire! Haven't I been praying to you often and fervently to let me see you and touch you? And what do you say? "Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe."
Are you asking me to stay in the darkness of faith and surrender to you that feverish and impatient desire for a direct, sensible experience? Are you inviting me to live my life in simple faith, obedient to the witnesses who saw you after your death and who based their teaching on the fact that they indeed saw you alive?
O Lord, I believe; help my unbelief. Amen.
(A Cry For Mercy: Prayers From Genesee, Henri J. M. Nouwen, 2002)
How I can understand that desire! Haven't I been praying to you often and fervently to let me see you and touch you? And what do you say? "Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe."
Are you asking me to stay in the darkness of faith and surrender to you that feverish and impatient desire for a direct, sensible experience? Are you inviting me to live my life in simple faith, obedient to the witnesses who saw you after your death and who based their teaching on the fact that they indeed saw you alive?
O Lord, I believe; help my unbelief. Amen.
(A Cry For Mercy: Prayers From Genesee, Henri J. M. Nouwen, 2002)
Sunday, July 23, 2006
The Nabi and The Rusul said:
"If any of you want to be my followers, you must forget about yourself. You must take up your cross and follow me. If you want to save your life, you will destroy it. But if you give up your life for me, you will find it. What will you gain, if your own the whole world but destroy yourself? what would you give back your soul?"
"The Son of Man will soon come in the glory of my Father and with his angels to rewards all people for what they have done. I promise you that some of those standing here will not die before they see the Son of Man coming with his kingdom."
The paradox, the paradox! Just how can it ever be? But in every suffering and death, there is joy, reward and life abounding... new birth, new life, new hope, new grace and everlasting love!
"The Son of Man will soon come in the glory of my Father and with his angels to rewards all people for what they have done. I promise you that some of those standing here will not die before they see the Son of Man coming with his kingdom."
The paradox, the paradox! Just how can it ever be? But in every suffering and death, there is joy, reward and life abounding... new birth, new life, new hope, new grace and everlasting love!
Prayer of Rupert Mayer
Lord, what You will let it be so.
Where You will, there we will go.
What is Your will? Help us to know.
Lord, when You will, the time is right.
In You there's joy in strife.
For Your will I'll give my life.
To ease Your burden brings no pain.
To forego all for You is gain,
as long as I in You remain.
Because You will it, it is best.
Because You will it, we are blest.
Till in Your hands, our hearts find rest,
till in Your hands, our hearts find rest.
Where You will, there we will go.
What is Your will? Help us to know.
Lord, when You will, the time is right.
In You there's joy in strife.
For Your will I'll give my life.
To ease Your burden brings no pain.
To forego all for You is gain,
as long as I in You remain.
Because You will it, it is best.
Because You will it, we are blest.
Till in Your hands, our hearts find rest,
till in Your hands, our hearts find rest.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
too many interesting women
two days ago
that rainy sunday afternoon
over a yellow corn and isaw at sanggumay
dreaming moments with kalai
IIS classmate, friend and fellow inclusivist
trying hard visionaries
for a cause bigger than life
one beyond us for others
the muslim in the south
school, research, historical accounts
grassroots needs based, Sulu, ARMM
together for others!
adobo secrets, too! hahaha...
heard from A of the A land
jilbabs, UNICEF and int'l NGOs
a finnish lady, a belgian lady, a filipina
on da vinci code, jesus mystery, parables
for the A women and families
here comes florence aka flow
over breakfast today
nice and new avatar
business, money, travel agency
rizal and the young patriots
trips to mumbai and delhi
jesi, oh jesi march
on men and relationships
long distance friendship and mentoring
lessons on waiting, longings, love and service
exciting, interesting, hard, grace-filled...
then, there's ida and lorah
mutya and yvette
hanggang sa muli...
that rainy sunday afternoon
over a yellow corn and isaw at sanggumay
dreaming moments with kalai
IIS classmate, friend and fellow inclusivist
trying hard visionaries
for a cause bigger than life
one beyond us for others
the muslim in the south
school, research, historical accounts
grassroots needs based, Sulu, ARMM
together for others!
adobo secrets, too! hahaha...
heard from A of the A land
jilbabs, UNICEF and int'l NGOs
a finnish lady, a belgian lady, a filipina
on da vinci code, jesus mystery, parables
for the A women and families
here comes florence aka flow
over breakfast today
nice and new avatar
business, money, travel agency
rizal and the young patriots
trips to mumbai and delhi
jesi, oh jesi march
on men and relationships
long distance friendship and mentoring
lessons on waiting, longings, love and service
exciting, interesting, hard, grace-filled...
then, there's ida and lorah
mutya and yvette
hanggang sa muli...
Monday, July 10, 2006
ano pa ho ang nais Niyo?
araw-araw ng paglalakbay na patay sa sarili... pagtalikod at pag-iwan ng mga bagay-bagay, pag-uugali, kinagawian, kagustuhan at pangarap na taliwas sa Inyong kagustuhan.
lahat ng iyon ay dahil sa Inyong dakilang awa, kapangyarihan, pagkalinga at gabay... lahat ng iyon ay dahil sa Inyong dakilang kagustuhang ako ay maging kawangis ng Inyong Anak... maging maganda at kaiga-igaya sa Inyong harapan!
what do You still want from me, Lord? i have given everything to You. i have given up all my dreams and desires. i have been in the never-ending path of relinquishing... what else do You want? what else do you demand me stripped of?
all controls... all dreams... all wishes... all desires... You have taken them! all of them!
ano pa ho ang nais Niyo? ano pa ang nais Nyong mangyari sa buhay ko? ano pa, aking Ama?
aking tinalikuran ang daan ng self-sufficiency, ng independence, ng aking sariling kagustuhan, plano at naisin... kaya nga at ako'y nagka-relasyon ng wala sa aking plano. kaya nga't tinanggap ko siya ng buong puso bilang inyong kaloob at naisin para sa akin sa panahon at bahaging ito ng buhay. kaya nga at tinahak ko ng matiwasay at may pagtitiwala ang paglalakbay na ito kasama niya. tanging naisin ko po ay ang sumunod sa Inyo at matutong lalong magtiwala.
aking tinalikuran ang comfort zone ng isang pamilyang naghubog, nagmahal, tumanggap sa akin sa loob ng anim na taon at mahigit... at ngayon ay iyong kinuha pa ang kaisa-isang bagay na magpapaalala sa akin ng mga nabuong pangarap at buhay kasama sila. bakit po? bakit pa?
and as if those are not enough, you are asking me to leave behind my family, my parents, all our plans in the family, my country, my dreams with my people, my own hope for a better life in the future with my own family, all my small dreams of simple joys and comforts, my little desires for the basics in life - food, clothing, shelter, education, decent home, decent job, simple lifestyle...
i know it because You are clearly pointing me to the opposite of all these... why, oh why?
why are You leading me to a homeless existence and future, not just for myself but even for my family? why an indecent job for the sake of a so-called calling? why a complicated potential lifestyle of cross-cultural existence? why leave behind my dream for a life of a scholar? why a simple existence of basic food and clothing? why, indeed?
but, i know that in the end, Kayo pa din ang mananalo... talo pa din ako! Kayo pa din ang masusunod... in the final analysis of things.
lahat ng iyon ay dahil sa Inyong dakilang awa, kapangyarihan, pagkalinga at gabay... lahat ng iyon ay dahil sa Inyong dakilang kagustuhang ako ay maging kawangis ng Inyong Anak... maging maganda at kaiga-igaya sa Inyong harapan!
what do You still want from me, Lord? i have given everything to You. i have given up all my dreams and desires. i have been in the never-ending path of relinquishing... what else do You want? what else do you demand me stripped of?
all controls... all dreams... all wishes... all desires... You have taken them! all of them!
ano pa ho ang nais Niyo? ano pa ang nais Nyong mangyari sa buhay ko? ano pa, aking Ama?
aking tinalikuran ang daan ng self-sufficiency, ng independence, ng aking sariling kagustuhan, plano at naisin... kaya nga at ako'y nagka-relasyon ng wala sa aking plano. kaya nga't tinanggap ko siya ng buong puso bilang inyong kaloob at naisin para sa akin sa panahon at bahaging ito ng buhay. kaya nga at tinahak ko ng matiwasay at may pagtitiwala ang paglalakbay na ito kasama niya. tanging naisin ko po ay ang sumunod sa Inyo at matutong lalong magtiwala.
aking tinalikuran ang comfort zone ng isang pamilyang naghubog, nagmahal, tumanggap sa akin sa loob ng anim na taon at mahigit... at ngayon ay iyong kinuha pa ang kaisa-isang bagay na magpapaalala sa akin ng mga nabuong pangarap at buhay kasama sila. bakit po? bakit pa?
and as if those are not enough, you are asking me to leave behind my family, my parents, all our plans in the family, my country, my dreams with my people, my own hope for a better life in the future with my own family, all my small dreams of simple joys and comforts, my little desires for the basics in life - food, clothing, shelter, education, decent home, decent job, simple lifestyle...
i know it because You are clearly pointing me to the opposite of all these... why, oh why?
why are You leading me to a homeless existence and future, not just for myself but even for my family? why an indecent job for the sake of a so-called calling? why a complicated potential lifestyle of cross-cultural existence? why leave behind my dream for a life of a scholar? why a simple existence of basic food and clothing? why, indeed?
but, i know that in the end, Kayo pa din ang mananalo... talo pa din ako! Kayo pa din ang masusunod... in the final analysis of things.
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