there is this place...

there is this place
where i always tend to go to
both in times of brokenness
and that of refreshing

when times are hard and low
and also those filled with graces
when things are clear and well
also when times are tough

there is this place
where i always tend to go to
when times are uncertain
as well as those moments of joy

when things are unwell
too many intersections
when crossing is always hard
when decisions need to be done

this place is given
this place i go to
this place directs me to Him
this place i call HOME.

there is this place
i call HOME
this place when i am on my knees
in utter dependence on Him alone

this place of goodness
where gratefulness abounds
where He is always there
never quiet, never far...

a passionate letter

Dear Boss,

Greetings. Thank you for sharing some important details about the csd. They will surely be very helpful for us. Thank you so much.

I will be leaving in a few hours for bcd. As a response to your request, I am writing my intention of going there, which is, to see for myself the potential of the place for the needed change in the way we do things or camp for that matter. I do not believe that this gift that the new campsite has been and is becoming to us, is but an accident. I believe that as we had been praying for change and potential growth for each year's camp, the One is responding in ways beyond ourselves and those that we have asked for. I just do not want to miss seeing for myself what this campsite will be for us as a movement, as a team of staffworkers for the coming KC, and as an ordinary follower of Isah. There are and will be crucial decisions that we will be doing the coming days and we do not want to miss anything that the One can do in and through us with this new gift to us. It is different to see this gift with eyes that look beyond what is seen and felt. It is different to see this gift with eyes that look both at the risk and the potentials of growth and change! It is different to see this gift with eyes that look forward to faith and grace-filled encounter with the One.

That we do not want to miss! For that, I will come, I will see, I will hear, I will feel, I will taste, I will smell, what the One has prepared for us! and for that, i risked and will continue to risk for the sake of the One who called me. After all, He never failed us and He will never fail us, no matter what! even if we fail so many times... and despite all our weaknesses.

Sincerely,
~ Shajarah

(this came about after a stressful encounter and argument with my boss whom i thought to be on my side, whom i expected to be my 'defender' and one of my strong support this time of dire need for upliftment and strength. after all, magdi-direct lang naman ako ng isang national leadership training ng mga filipinong estudyante sa loob ng isang buwan sa susunod sa summer, sa isang malayong bundok ng visayas. whew! when the unexpected comes, expect nothing but the coming out of what's best in you and for others. servanthood test drive ba ito? running to the ultimate source and the bottomline of everything, when all else failed! hehehe... what an experience! what an encounter! what a change! i love changes pa naman!)

haggai reflections

general information...

he is a nabi (messenger)
his name means, 'my feast'
his oracles are the most precisely dated ones in the entire Book
his book is the second smallest in the Old Book (Obadiah being the smallest), and consists of but thirty-eighth verses only


some personal thoughts about his oracles...

his oracles came clearly from the One who spoke and all of them were fulfilled. there was a clear authority and integrity of his Source, that Source of all he has spoken of. "I am the One who has spoken..."

finding myself always in the lack of the essentials... or of everything... 'as you have been gathering your harvest and keeping them in bags full of holes...' am i gathering my stuff in pockets with holes? where is my motive of doing things coming from? where is it going to? what is the full measure and reasons of all these? why am i doing what i'm doing?

am i being defiled by my own self-centeredness and own reasons and measurements of life and living? am i being misled by my own reflections?

why are things not enough? my clothes do not keep me warm, my wages are slipping over the holes of my bags, my food and water are not enough... 'all your hard work will be for nothing!'

what is the Temple that i missed and still missing? that once glorious Temple? what's the main point? the bulls eye? am i terribly missing the mark or simply hitting the wrong mark, the outside mark?

return to the King... so that, 'from now on, things will get better... Today you have completed the foundation for my Temple, so listen to what your future will be like. although you have not yet harvested any grain, grapes, figs, pomegranates, or olives, i will richly bless you in the days ahead.'

'but tell my servant Zerubbabel of J that i am going to shake the heavens and the earth and wipe out kings and their kingdoms. i will overturn war chariots, and then cavalry troops will start slaughtering each other. but tell my servant Zerubbabel that I, the LORD All-Powerful, have chosen him, and he will rule in my name.' what a final declaration of the One chosen!


book study for december

worldviews

I HOPE GOD THINKS LIKE THAT

There is a dog I sometimes take for a walk
and turn loose in a field,

when I can't give her that freedom
I feel in debt.

I hope God thinks like that and

is keeping track of all
the bliss He
owes
me.

(worldview 1: from alfathi, a classmate in islamic studies)

so this is a worldview, their worldview... which continue to break my heart. i am deeply crushed each time i would read this. and i remember one class discussion we had wherein i finally decided to speak my heart out. after listening to a series of my classmates and professor's thoughts on God's unfairness, i finally broke my silence. i simply lost my resolve to remain a silent observer as an obvious outsider. and guess what, after breaking my silence with that burning thought in my heart, i never expected that everyone will fall silent... such deafening silence!!! esp that of our professor's. normally, whenever i speak, i try to see their context and reply with an affirmation of the Book in their context, as they have too many worldviews that are really Book-supporting and related. as obviously, their own books are believed to be derived from the Book. but, not this time... how can God owe us? how can He owe us a lot? the Book says, God owes no one anything... not even to that one man who went through so much pain and suffering. this man cannot in any way find God in debt of him. and his name is Job. all he can say is, 'blessed be His name!'

i pray that His creation will continue to see, feel, hear, taste, smell, and experience His great love and mercy... His abounding patience and grace, His unfailing kindness and goodness, His unending faithfulness.



GOOD THING, MY GOD THINKS THIS WAY

'All people have disobeyed God,
and that's why He treats them as prisoners.

But He does this,
so that He can have mercy on all of them.

Who can measure the wealth and wisdom
and knowledge of God?

Who can understand His decisions
or explain what He does?

Has anyone known
the thoughts of the Lord
or given Him advice?

Has anyone loaned something
to the Lord that must be repaid?

Everything comes from the Lord.

All things were made because of Him
and will return to Him.

Praise the Lord forever!

Amen.'

inspiring thoughts for today

"We are not saved for nothing, for it is the fullness of God's grace in our lives that would stir up divine discontent in others."
(a nice quote i saw at the gencross egroup...)

"There are three stages in every great work of God. First it is impossible, then it is difficult, then it is done."
(by James Hudson Taylor)

"... a deep longing to be heard, like someone close to dying, a lonely heart's painful sighing." ;-)
(from the famed KD)

"That day, when you sent me out so boldly to change the world, don't you think there wouldn't be any cost?"
(by Martin Luther, 1521 in Worms Germany)

"Watch out, wait, and be utterly amazed!"
(Habakkuk)

"We must be the change we wish to see in the world."
(Mahatma Gandhi)

"The smallest good deed is better than the grandest intention."
(anonymous, from a big frame in bcd)

pleasant surprises

it is only here
here and now
that i am lavished
with so much

so much love
too many blessings
prayers unuttered
all were answered

lolo dave gave
some real dimes
for my new cellphone
a great polyphonic

a simple replacement
of one that was taken
a neighbor coveted
for mine only three-week old

which was also another gift
a seventy five bucks
christmas gift of sofia
and her group in CA

another pleasant surprise
a USB flash drive
another prayer answered
prayer that was never uttered

she thought of giving me on
as an early christmas gift
she thought just at the right time
when my heart was secretly asking our Dad

what a perfect timing
His timing, as usual
always perfect
never a coincidence

finally, there is this
one heart wish
a real one for a poor girl
one i can never afford at this time

not so much a need though
but just a request for a treat
a treat in one great love of my life
a company filled with music and life

yet, He lavished it to me
in moment i never expected
one that is a real treat
in the middle of a crisis

a crisis that speaks of incapacity
a state of vulnerability
one that leads to ultimate surrender
no other way but utter dependence

KD and his dear wife
gave this real treat
another christmas gift at the offing
an mp3 player, what a treat!

a deep sense of lavish love surging
from His heart to His people's
so much love, so much favor
unworthy, undeserving, i am humbled

but never in my ways
never without so much agony
so much curving of my will and heart
so as to capture His and no other

long days, weeks and months
even years in the offing
so long time of waiting
long and agonizing nights

enduring hope
surrendered will
captured heart
none other than His

to be His forever...

the inevitables...

too many goodbyes
too many letting go
too many pains
too many scars

relinguishing again and again
loosing all forms of control
why would this motiff need to be
so constant and true in my life

are they really inevitables
as precious as gasping for breath
every millisecond of unending
timeline and life span

my unfinished story...

wishing for a future

band
team
and
performance

the family

what do you do?

what do you do when you terribly do miss someone or something? ;-)
what do you do when all forms of justification ceases to make sense?
what do you do when everything fails to satisfy such deep longing...
such deep longing and yearning which are larger than life, beyond yourself?

i often hear a dear old friend and good ate
who openly expresses her lingering sense of unhappiness
her yearning for that something bigger than herself
her longing for something she can never understand

where would these things come from?
why would He allow this constant visitation?
who would dare confront its reality?
how would one care to hope and cope?

hard questions
costly errors
harsh realities
deep scars

if only these would remain a clear reminder
if only these would keep yelling my humanity
if only these would lead me to a deep acceptance
if only these would tell me who i really am

then, so be it
let it be that
my only life
be an offering

an offering in the making
a sacrifice in the offing
have Your way in me
be in unto me...

according to Your word
according to Your standard
according to Your holiness
according to Your justice
according to Your love

i am secure
i am alright
as it is well
with my sould
indeed!

yearning, as a constant reminder
of ultimate surrender
of utter dependence
there is no other way

longing, in deep remembrance
of the many weaknesses
of the countless failures
this is simply humanity

acceptance
my humanity
all those mistakes
all those scars

deep in my heart
cut along my face
hidden in my soul
lingering, deeply etched

forever

hush
my soul
hush
my heart

pour out
peace
relinguish
love

all graces
all wisdom
all joys
all hope

be still
listen
in His presence
linger

wait...
keep watch
be silent
He is near

to others
portions are given
well-cut
paths well-trodden

yet, for some
cups are full
with sorrow
gifts withheld

to others are given
to some are taken away
only so that in all its beauty
all bests are known

for your sake
for my sake
for His name's sake
for His own glory

how about this one?

for a first violin
for the first lessons
in music
in life

what a privilege
what an honor
such a great gift
luxurious, costly!

introducing... my new legolas!

Huwag Na Wag Mong Sasabihin

Ni Kitchie Nadal

May gusto ka bang sabihin
Ba’t di mapakali, ni hindi makatingin
Sana’y ‘wag mo na itong palipasin
At subukang lutasin
Sana’y sinabi mo na

Refrain:
Iba’ng nararapat sa akin
Na tunay kong mamahalin

Chorus:
Oh, huwag na wag mong sasabihin
Na hindi mo nadama itong
Pag-ibig kong handang
Ibigay kahit pa kalayaan mo

Ano man ang iyong akala
Na ako’y isang bituin na walang sasambahin
‘Di ko man ito ipakita
Abot-langit ang daing
Sana’y sinabi mo na

At sa gabi, sinong duduyan sayo
At sa umaga, ang hangin ang hahaplos sayo

favorite collection

Sacred Journey
(Written by Marry McCall, David Batteau & Darrell Brown; First Call Album )
This song is dedicated to Frederick Buechner as thanks for the encouragement he has brought to many of us as we stumble down the path

Wide awake at three a. m.
When I hear the whistle blow
Watchin’ all the cars go by
Where does everybody go

Every road, every stream
Every prayer, every dream
You are there my Lord
Heavens mystery
How you are here with me
On this sacred journey

Chorus
Open the gates to your heart
(on this sacred journey)
Let the light into the dark
(on this sacred journey)
He’ll meet you right where you are

Spillin’ thoughts across the page
Morning sun is sneakin’ in
Say a little prayer for me
As another day begins

Strength to strength, life goes on
Room to room, dark till dawn
You are there my Lord
Heavens mystery
How you are here with me
On this sacred journey



Evidence of Love
(Written by Lowell Alexander & Bonnie Keen)
”Whoever is wise, let him heed these things and consider the great love of the Lord.” – Psalms 107.4)

It is written in the colors
Of a thousand autumn twilights
Painted in the eyes of a child
Spoken as forgiveness
By an honest open hand
It’s the friend who will walk the extra mile
It’s the giving when there is not enough
There is everywhere the evidence of love

Open your eyes and look upon
The handiwork of God
Open your soul and feel
The breath of glory all around
For everywhere there’s evidence of love

It’s living in the rich earth
Waving in the wind
It’s music that moves us to believe
And dying in a small town
Knowing where true love begins
It’s hope beyond what we can see

It’s the mercy when tears are not enough
There is everywhere the evidence of love

Chorus
Open your eyes and look upon
The handiwork of God
Open your soul and feel
The breath of glory all around
For everywhere there’s evidence of love

A simple crucifix hanging on the wall
Everywhere there’s evidence of love

more ravens... in the making ;-)

finally!
me sweldo na kami
kahit partial ng partial
iba pa rin
kasi meron talaga

maliban pa yan
sa malusog na pangangatawan
at di maubos-ubos
na 'fats' sa kung saan-saang
bahagi, o 'di ba?

at syempre pa
di pwedeng ipagkaila
ang katakot-takot
na sense of sufficiency
of every need

dahil sa mga taong
nagmamahal,
kumakalinga,
sumusuporta
sa maraming kaparaanan!

salamat sa Diyos
sa kanilang kabutihang-loob
at sa maraming bagay
na nagpapalakas
ng kalooban

many times nga
eh feeling ko
di ako nauubusan ng pera
dahil sa mga bigay dito
at bigay doon...

simulan kaya natin
kahit mahigpit ang biling
ito ay confidential
talaga naman
eh, di mapigilan ang puso

nagdiriwang,
nagpapasalamat,
kailangang kumilala at
tumanaw ng utang na loob?
o simpleng pagkilala

sa kabutihan ng Diyos
sa pamamagitan nila
kaya wag ipagsabi
please...
tayong dalawa lang dapat
ang nakakaalam

sikreto
malalim na lihim
mahigpit na ipinagbabawal
ikwento sa kahit na kanino
pakiusap lamang

siya, eto na sila...
ginoong lolo dave
isang maginoong mama
mula sa wales
ni princess diana

kapitbahay daw sila
ni catherine zeta jones
kaya naman matinding giver
very generous at maawain
salamat po ng marami

sa inyong buhay
sa inyong bahay
sa inyong pamilya
na walang sawang i-shi-nare
sa amin

at ngayon
pati cell phone at load ko
pati na sweldo namin for several weeks
ay inyong ipinagkaloob
pinag-ipunan at ni-raise for us

di limang isang daan
o kaya'y isang libo
kundi't maraming libo
libu-libong nakakagulat
nakakapalambot ng puso

nakakalaglag luha
nakakagulat ng todo
you should have seen
my eyes, my face
my great surprise
my heart in great tears

iba ang sorpresa ng Diyos
totoo at malalim
kakaibang talaga
beyond all our expectations
we can never fathom or understand

lagi tayong below His ways
below His expectations
kasi tao lamang po
at higit na naiintindihan
ng dakilang Maykapal

andyan din si ate libay
na nagbigay ng isang libong
pagmamahal at pagkain
para sa mga gutom na Anislagers
ngunit matatabang dalaga pa rin

salamat ng marami
isang dakilang nanay
kahit kayo ay malayo
kami ay sobrang malapit
sa inyong pusong dakila

andyan din sina ate pearl
at talaga naman pati si ate elsie
na nagbigay ng pera na naman
just enough para sa mga butas na bulsa
bulsa para sa mga pamasahe

pamasahe sa pang araw-araw
na pagbisita sa mga bata
paroo't parito
mga trabaho at pinagkakaabalahan
ng mga istafworker

unfinished... si nika, at millie, hannah, and many more...

ravens

been thinking a lot
about taking some time
to capture the sacredness
of this journey in crisis

why would it be necessary
why are there so many needs
why are there wants as well
why, oh, why, indeed

but one thing is clearer now
one thing keeps coming back
crisis brings in a perspective
that only it could bring

such a fresh perspective
on so many things in life
those things that truly matter
those things that are unseen

the young prince, then, is true
that what is essential is
indeed, invisible
invisible to the naked eyes

such invisible thing
as the thought of a deep gratitude
such a deep appreciation
for the timely ravens from heaven

those tiny and obscure ravens
just like that of the old
those that brought provisions
to a man once called elijah

those tiny and obscure ravens
which brought forth provisions
blessings upon blessings
to the many hungry souls

those tiny and obscure ravens
who, with their obedience
has brought in so clearly
the merciful heart of heaven

ravens from above
you just don't know how much
you have made heavens here on earth
in the hearts of those in dire need

needs that were precious
needs that made them vulnerable
needs that were so humbling
making them closer to the Maker

ravens upon ravens
oh, too many of them!
oh, how precious they are
oh, how grateful we are!

if only i could name them
if only He would call them by name
if only He would reward them
one by one, on our behalf!

amazing, oh how amazing
as the Maker released those ravens
just so in time, in His time
just so in time, for His time

(happy birthday rhoda! welkam to the world of the thirtyish, hehehe... thanks ate's libay, pearlie, ces, julie... kuya dave, and many more... like the manila leaders council, the many students... for being our dear ravens for this time! mabuhay kayo...)

baguio confession

it was another first
baguio city adventure
of another kind
another level

it was my very first
to gaze upon the famed
city of pines
and its beautiful people

unfinished...

re-freshing

(this is the exact image of my recent baguio experience together with the NCR staff team where i currently belong as a staffworker. i have experienced re-freshing in varied forms, colors, and shapes. i have been re-freshed physically, emotionally, vocationally, intellectually, spiritually, psychologically... and the list can go on... and on... salamat sa Diyos!)

light of the world

Light of the world
You stepped down into darkness
Opened my eyes let me see

Beauty that made
This heart adore You
Hope of a life spent with You

Chorus:
Here I am to worship
Here I am to bow down
Here I am to say that
You're my God
You're altogether lovely
Altogether worthy
Altogether wonderful to me

King of all days
Oh, so highly exalted
Glorious in heaven above
Humbly You came
To the earth You created
All for love's sake
Became poor

Bridge:
I never know how much it costs
To see my sin upon the Cross
(repeat)

(i first learned this from the young christian students of ifes central asia - kazakhstan last july 2003... thanks to shane and the kids. btw, this is a famous worship song now in our country - seems like everybody's favorite. hmmm... but i wonder who takes the credit here ;-) have to check the composer-lyricist-arranger and producer... anyone who knows?)

the power of TWO