reminiscin'

events unfolding, countless
days leave-taking, so quickly
stories recounting, abundant
oh my, how fast time flies!

three years ago, exactly
when blogspot shajarah started
a kernel of wheat falling to the ground
dying to be birthed, live and grow

twenty years ago, exactly
when freedom and democracy was restored
now they are being taken away again
for the rule of military and men in uniform

state of national emergency declared
in memory of a new birth from a military rule

baguio escapade

yeah, yeah, it's baguio again. november, january, february... then, a few more visits some time later, maybe.

but this third visit is a much more meaningful one. first, it is one big whole family affair for the first time after our home had become an empty nest. second, it is a surprise special celebration for our father's 60th birthday, which makes it is more meaningful. and thirdly, it is on the time that baguio is at its best (its lowest temperature level in the year and in time for the flower festival - exactly what baguio is really known for around the world).

but, i guess, one huge unuttered impact this experience had been to us, was its deep sense of being a favor and grace granted. it was more than an imagined and wished surprise. it goes on smoothly as if natural and unnoticed, yet, so loud as an undeserved favor. indeed, a gift!

so they say, life is full of surprises. life is also like a gift wrapped in many beautiful colors and shapes. and what a great way to celebrate it but with being grateful, and excited. to receive the gifts with such immensity, with such a zest for life and bliss, for delight and gratitude! celebrating the gift to its fullest while honoring the giver to its utmost!

TA NGATA?

ta ngata uman
ta pabago-bago ana isip
arog kana pabago-bagong panahom

ta ngata kaya
ta ana puso nagbabago
nalilingaw, nag-gugurang
ana mga tawo

ta ngata iba na
ana kaisipan saka mga plano
diri nagtutunong
sa kakaisip, kakabago

mala ng pagal
hanggang kuno migaka-agko
katapusan ana kapagalan

ta ngata ta
natatapos ana gab-i
pag nag-abot ana aldow

ta ngata na sira
nagbabago, nabubuhay
nagpapa ingalo, nabubuhay
pa nanggad

ararom na rarupon
ana salog na ararom
arog kana buhay
malang rarom, malang sakit

nang matapilok at mapaso ang dila

(isang pagbabalik tanaw sa isang kwento ng pag-ibig...)

unashamed love

You're calling me to lay aside
Worries of my day
To quiet down my busy mind
And find a hiding place
To sing worthy
You're so worthy

Open up my heart and
Let my spirit worship You
Open up my mouth and
Let a song of praise come forth
Worthy, You are worthy!

Have a child-like faith
Have my honest praise
Have my unashamed love
Have a holy life
Have my sacrifice
Have my unashamed love

Worthy, we cry worthy!!!

(the carrier single of james cotterell's album. been so in love with this song ever since it reached my ears, which was just last christmas. its unique melody which is very much like a host of angels' hallelujah chorus gripped my heart intensely. and i keep praying for this kind of love and faith!)

Angels Wish

(We know things that the angels ‘long to look into’.)

Was God smiling
When He spoke the words
That made the world
And did He cry about the flood
What does God’s voice sound like
When He sings, when He’s angry
These are just a few things
That the angels have on me

Well / Still, I can’t fly
At least not yet
I’ve got no halo on my head
And I can’t even start to picture Heaven’s beauty
But I’ve been shown the Savior’s love
The grace of God has raised me up
To show me things the angels long to look into
And I know things
The angels only wish they knew

I have seen the dark and desperate place
Where sin will take you
I’ve felt loneliness and shame
And I have watched the blinding light of grace
Come breaking through with a sweetness
Only tasted by the forgiven and redeemed

And someday I’ll sit down with my angel friends
Up in Heaven
They’ll tell me about creation
And I’ll tell them a story of grace

(sinulat at kinanta ni Steven Curtis Chapman, isang bagong paborito ko ngayon at mainstay ng aking mp3 player, hehehe... wait until you hear its great melody and unique na interpretation, not to mention its insightful truth. i think it had a powerful impact, too, when i used it as part of my expository preaching of Zechariah 1-6. yeah, it is one to six!)

Crossing the Bridge When There Is One

Dear Hassan,

So is this it after some time… is this it?!

Is this the bridge worth crossing now? Is this what is meant by a test of time? That something which grows stronger at the test of time?

Is this the miracle of God? Is this what they call ‘leap of faith’? Is this what they call ‘courage’? Is this what they call ‘love’?

How can it be that understanding and reasons are elusive? How can I ever realize that I have loved you without knowing clearly why and how? How can life be this different and hard? Yet, be joyful and exciting as well.

There is neither assurance nor tangibles between us even as I write now. There is not even a hint of what is in your heart and mind. But I pursue this leap of faith, this grasp of courage, and this miracle of love and living!

I pray for wisdom and neither confusion nor fear…

~Hadassah ;-)


Impressions

That you have a clear mandate from the Lord and you know it well. And there are also specific ones. May you be able to clarify and obey them.

That part of the mandate is God’s clear guidance on your future family. May the gracious God grant you the best wife, one who will be your match and soulmate, one whom you will serve the Lord with, one who will be the best mother of your children.

That you have to take courage and continue to take that leap of faith. Take courage to open your heart and receive His miracle of love.

(ika-sampung araw ng unang buwan ng taong ito po ito naisulat... kasama ang buwan sa kanyang paglabas. ito'y isang mayamang pagpapahayag ng saloobin sa naising maging makatotohanan at may katapatan sa sarili lamang.)

watch out!

for the coming out of the long-awaited 'the face and the violin' of this blogger ;-)
coming soon, i hope really soon!!!

the path of the rainbow...

Okay, LORD!

I'm ready to face this life that I have now for good. I'm ready now (as I always dream of), to be single for life! Just don't allow to grow in me the heart of an old maid ;-)... what i meant by that, you already know!

Instead, I pray that you would fill me with that great and overflowing joy, overflowing from Your Throne of grace... that humility, too, as well as the servanthood of Jesus... the boldness, too, from the Holy Spirit... coupled with Your wisdom and grace!

So, it's exactly a year now when you took him away from me. With the only desire to obey and honor You, I let go of him despite all the pains. It was never an easy path... well, so narrow, the one less travelled and never familiar. that path of brokenness, groaning, and giving away... to the point of death!

But, it's that same path towards healing and restoration, as well. that same path where the rainbow used to appear right after a great storm. that path towards life and towards Him, who is more and bigger than life itself.

(01 december 2K5, 1845 hrs, at frio mixx ali mall, phils)

SAIL ON

leaves falling
eastern wind blowing
seasons changing
the coming and going

love divine
grace moments
WALANG HANGGAN
abide, stay

newness, freshness
shedding off the old skin
pruning, purging
behold, the NEW has come!

changes
move on
rest and linger
TRUST!

i'll never be the same again

since this day
the 10th of the first month of this new year
this God-given time and space

since this day
when the staffcon culminated
with these profession of faith

i'll never be the same again

faith
declaration
trust

i'll never be the same again

since this day
when i finally met him
after almost two years

hope
redemption
rejoicing

i'll never be the same again

because of
LOVE!

masiram na pagbalik tan-aw sa nakaagi (what homecoming really means)

sa wakas, nakauli man nanggad ako... salamat sa alawig na bakasyon kin iisipon, pero sa kamatoran sana la palan kaatlukot. matood lang na nag-iiba ana pananaw pag nasa baloy mo ika. agko kakaibang pagmate, buko sanang pananaw. agko naiibang karanasan, buko sanang kamatean.

dipisil ispilingon ana mga bagay-bagay pag arog kadi ana kamutangan. agko naiibang karanasan, kamatean, saka pananaw. amo adi nagiginibo kana baloy. baloy, usad na lugar na nagtatao sa ibang paglaom, ibang kakusugan, ibang kaogmahan.

(amo di so juan carlos, usad na dahilan kin ngata ako dapat na makauli... iya ana regalo kana Diyos sadto pinsan ko saka sa agon niya. siya ana itinaong kaogmahan sa mga kagurangan, kahubenan, saka mga kaiginan kana pamilya niya... siyempre, gwapo yan ta inaanak ko baya, hehehe...)

there is this place...

there is this place
where i always tend to go to
both in times of brokenness
and that of refreshing

when times are hard and low
and also those filled with graces
when things are clear and well
also when times are tough

there is this place
where i always tend to go to
when times are uncertain
as well as those moments of joy

when things are unwell
too many intersections
when crossing is always hard
when decisions need to be done

this place is given
this place i go to
this place directs me to Him
this place i call HOME.

there is this place
i call HOME
this place when i am on my knees
in utter dependence on Him alone

this place of goodness
where gratefulness abounds
where He is always there
never quiet, never far...

a passionate letter

Dear Boss,

Greetings. Thank you for sharing some important details about the csd. They will surely be very helpful for us. Thank you so much.

I will be leaving in a few hours for bcd. As a response to your request, I am writing my intention of going there, which is, to see for myself the potential of the place for the needed change in the way we do things or camp for that matter. I do not believe that this gift that the new campsite has been and is becoming to us, is but an accident. I believe that as we had been praying for change and potential growth for each year's camp, the One is responding in ways beyond ourselves and those that we have asked for. I just do not want to miss seeing for myself what this campsite will be for us as a movement, as a team of staffworkers for the coming KC, and as an ordinary follower of Isah. There are and will be crucial decisions that we will be doing the coming days and we do not want to miss anything that the One can do in and through us with this new gift to us. It is different to see this gift with eyes that look beyond what is seen and felt. It is different to see this gift with eyes that look both at the risk and the potentials of growth and change! It is different to see this gift with eyes that look forward to faith and grace-filled encounter with the One.

That we do not want to miss! For that, I will come, I will see, I will hear, I will feel, I will taste, I will smell, what the One has prepared for us! and for that, i risked and will continue to risk for the sake of the One who called me. After all, He never failed us and He will never fail us, no matter what! even if we fail so many times... and despite all our weaknesses.

Sincerely,
~ Shajarah

(this came about after a stressful encounter and argument with my boss whom i thought to be on my side, whom i expected to be my 'defender' and one of my strong support this time of dire need for upliftment and strength. after all, magdi-direct lang naman ako ng isang national leadership training ng mga filipinong estudyante sa loob ng isang buwan sa susunod sa summer, sa isang malayong bundok ng visayas. whew! when the unexpected comes, expect nothing but the coming out of what's best in you and for others. servanthood test drive ba ito? running to the ultimate source and the bottomline of everything, when all else failed! hehehe... what an experience! what an encounter! what a change! i love changes pa naman!)

haggai reflections

general information...

he is a nabi (messenger)
his name means, 'my feast'
his oracles are the most precisely dated ones in the entire Book
his book is the second smallest in the Old Book (Obadiah being the smallest), and consists of but thirty-eighth verses only


some personal thoughts about his oracles...

his oracles came clearly from the One who spoke and all of them were fulfilled. there was a clear authority and integrity of his Source, that Source of all he has spoken of. "I am the One who has spoken..."

finding myself always in the lack of the essentials... or of everything... 'as you have been gathering your harvest and keeping them in bags full of holes...' am i gathering my stuff in pockets with holes? where is my motive of doing things coming from? where is it going to? what is the full measure and reasons of all these? why am i doing what i'm doing?

am i being defiled by my own self-centeredness and own reasons and measurements of life and living? am i being misled by my own reflections?

why are things not enough? my clothes do not keep me warm, my wages are slipping over the holes of my bags, my food and water are not enough... 'all your hard work will be for nothing!'

what is the Temple that i missed and still missing? that once glorious Temple? what's the main point? the bulls eye? am i terribly missing the mark or simply hitting the wrong mark, the outside mark?

return to the King... so that, 'from now on, things will get better... Today you have completed the foundation for my Temple, so listen to what your future will be like. although you have not yet harvested any grain, grapes, figs, pomegranates, or olives, i will richly bless you in the days ahead.'

'but tell my servant Zerubbabel of J that i am going to shake the heavens and the earth and wipe out kings and their kingdoms. i will overturn war chariots, and then cavalry troops will start slaughtering each other. but tell my servant Zerubbabel that I, the LORD All-Powerful, have chosen him, and he will rule in my name.' what a final declaration of the One chosen!


book study for december

worldviews

I HOPE GOD THINKS LIKE THAT

There is a dog I sometimes take for a walk
and turn loose in a field,

when I can't give her that freedom
I feel in debt.

I hope God thinks like that and

is keeping track of all
the bliss He
owes
me.

(worldview 1: from alfathi, a classmate in islamic studies)

so this is a worldview, their worldview... which continue to break my heart. i am deeply crushed each time i would read this. and i remember one class discussion we had wherein i finally decided to speak my heart out. after listening to a series of my classmates and professor's thoughts on God's unfairness, i finally broke my silence. i simply lost my resolve to remain a silent observer as an obvious outsider. and guess what, after breaking my silence with that burning thought in my heart, i never expected that everyone will fall silent... such deafening silence!!! esp that of our professor's. normally, whenever i speak, i try to see their context and reply with an affirmation of the Book in their context, as they have too many worldviews that are really Book-supporting and related. as obviously, their own books are believed to be derived from the Book. but, not this time... how can God owe us? how can He owe us a lot? the Book says, God owes no one anything... not even to that one man who went through so much pain and suffering. this man cannot in any way find God in debt of him. and his name is Job. all he can say is, 'blessed be His name!'

i pray that His creation will continue to see, feel, hear, taste, smell, and experience His great love and mercy... His abounding patience and grace, His unfailing kindness and goodness, His unending faithfulness.



GOOD THING, MY GOD THINKS THIS WAY

'All people have disobeyed God,
and that's why He treats them as prisoners.

But He does this,
so that He can have mercy on all of them.

Who can measure the wealth and wisdom
and knowledge of God?

Who can understand His decisions
or explain what He does?

Has anyone known
the thoughts of the Lord
or given Him advice?

Has anyone loaned something
to the Lord that must be repaid?

Everything comes from the Lord.

All things were made because of Him
and will return to Him.

Praise the Lord forever!

Amen.'

inspiring thoughts for today

"We are not saved for nothing, for it is the fullness of God's grace in our lives that would stir up divine discontent in others."
(a nice quote i saw at the gencross egroup...)

"There are three stages in every great work of God. First it is impossible, then it is difficult, then it is done."
(by James Hudson Taylor)

"... a deep longing to be heard, like someone close to dying, a lonely heart's painful sighing." ;-)
(from the famed KD)

"That day, when you sent me out so boldly to change the world, don't you think there wouldn't be any cost?"
(by Martin Luther, 1521 in Worms Germany)

"Watch out, wait, and be utterly amazed!"
(Habakkuk)

"We must be the change we wish to see in the world."
(Mahatma Gandhi)

"The smallest good deed is better than the grandest intention."
(anonymous, from a big frame in bcd)