broken earthen jar

yumi (kulot) and tita (ganda)

2007-09-27T17:01:00.000+08:00

nothing to hope for, except this...

2007-09-27T11:00:00.001+08:00

17 "Behold, I will create
new heavens and a new earth.
The former things will not be remembered,
nor will they come to mind.

18 But be glad and rejoice forever
in what I will create,
for I will create Jerusalem to be a delight
and its people a joy.

19 I will rejoice over Jerusalem
and take delight in my people;
the sound of weeping and of crying
will be heard in it no more.

20 "Never again will there be in it
an infant who lives but a few days,
or an old man who does not live out his years;
he who dies at a hundred
will be thought a mere youth;
he who fails to reach [a] a hundred
will be considered accursed.

21 They will build houses and dwell in them;
they will plant vineyards and eat their fruit.

22 No longer will they build houses and others live in them,
or plant and others eat.
For as the days of a tree,
so will be the days of my people;
my chosen ones will long enjoy
the works of their hands.

23 They will not toil in vain
or bear children doomed to misfortune;
for they will be a people blessed by the LORD,
they and their descendants with them.

24 Before they call I will answer;
while they are still speaking I will hear.

25 The wolf and the lamb will feed together,
and the lion will eat straw like the ox,
but dust will be the serpent's food.
They will neither harm nor destroy
on all my holy mountain,"
says the LORD.

New Heavens and a New Earth
Isaiah 65

papa, mama & yumi

2007-02-18T00:54:00.000+08:00

new life

2007-02-18T00:49:00.000+08:00

today is papa's birthday. praise God for new life each day! most of all, for HIS love! looking forward to starting therapy next week and leaving the hospital soon. also for provision for the soaring hospital bills.

(15 february 2007)

HIS love endures forever!

2007-02-18T00:44:00.000+08:00

this is all we want to say: "the LORD is good and His love endures forever!"

glory to God in the highest... as He alone deserves all our praise and adoration.

papa's very close encounter with death and life has brought precious times of reflection about what really matters most in and about this life we doubly received in and through Christ and for Christ! Papa's deep love for and knowledge of (which biblically means 'intimacy' as john piper would say) GOD has been his most important legacy to us his children, family and friends. that's why i believe that whether in his life and in his death, the LORD will be glorified again and again! to quote from Paul, "I honestly expect and hope that i will never do anything to be ashamed of. whether I live or die, i always want to be as brave as i am now and bring honor to Christ. If i live, it will be for Christ, and if i die, I will gain even more..." amen.

early in the morning last friday, 9 feb 2007, mama and papa left the bible college (where they serve as teachers and senior staff) and went to visit the pioneering work in a predominantly catholic area, two hours away. this place has been that most resistant to the gospel in bicol region, yet, last summer's evangelistic campaign that papa and mama actively joined, this had the most number of baptized people (including many young professionals and students). so papa assumed another pioneering church work, as senior pastor of a 7-year old church in balatan (sunday morning) and this one in nabua (sunday afternoon). i am quite amazed how come my father never stops doing pioneering evangelistic work despite his age.

from around 1pm, papa, mama and my brother nono went house to house visitation for the newly baptized believers of nabua. i remember this is also how these three people started the work in balatan years ago - praying for the sick and doing bible studies.

it was a physically challenging and very humid day for them. around 830pm as they were preparing to go home, papa started to mumble and cant walk properly anymore. when they gave him water, he wasnt able to take it anymore. he refused to be brought to the hospital but some 10 minutes later, his left body was not functioning well anymore as he can't get out of the car on his own. and the symptom was for a stroke or a "brain attack" when blood flow to the brain stops because it is blocked by a clot. the brain cells in the immediate area begin to die because they stop getting the oxygen and nutrients they need to function. stroke damage in the brain can affect the entire body - resulting in mild to severe disabilities. these include paralysis, problems with thinking, problems with speaking, and emotional problems.

there are two kinds of stroke. the most common kind of stroke, called ischemic stroke, is caused by a blood clot that blocks or plugs a blood vessel in the brain. the other kind of stroke, called hemorrhagic stroke, is caused by a blood vessel that breaks and bleeds into the brain.

papa's case is called a hemorrhagic stroke, the worst of this 2 kinds of stroke. he had a hematoma at the upper right brain of not smaller than my fist. this means that 1/3 of his right brain was covered with blood. if it didnt stop, he can be fully paralyzed, be in coma and eventually grow weak.

in God's sovereign love and grace, nothing of the worst scenario happened. instead, God showed His being our Creator and ultimate source of life. He gives and He takes away. He did both to papa... gave him new life and took away the fear of death. after seven days, rejoice with us for his stabilizing condition and fast recovery. doc justin novela (an ivcf grad) said that he can be discharged after another week and that we can start therapy for his paralyzed left body. hmm... alleluia, indeed!!!

papa can hear well, recognize people, speaks and jokes a lot esp to the doctors, can write still, and of course talks a lot about his work... he still remembers all his schedule and duties for each day and asks a lot what we are doing about his work. he also tells about his many other plans the coming weeks. still thinking about the work for the LORD even in this time of suffering.

as some of you know, we share papa to many communities as a father-pastor. so somehow, we have countless extended families and adopted siblings. there was even a day in the hospital that not less than 50 people came in droves. so just imagine how the past seven days looked like. that's why on the 4th day we have to post a doctor's advice that visitors can only stay for not less than 30 minutes as we are not in a family reunion festivities but in the hospital

another highlight is papa's craving for food as he celebrates life so much in this state of feasting always! he had a hard time adjusting then sa naso-gastric tube (NGT) way of having his 'liquified' food. but he would never cease asking kung me gulay ba or fruits sa food nya as he loves gulay at fruits.

thank you so much for journeying with us this special time for our family. we are so honored to be co-witnesses with you God's new ways of revealing who HE is to us! that His love never fails; that He is sovereign; that He alone is the giver, sustainer and ultimate end of our life and being!

to GOD be all the glory forever... even as we still ask for on-going strength (physically, emotionally, spiritually) for papa and the family (esp to mama who is also hypertensive and is maintaining meds now). we are getting weak day after day from the many challenges. may the Holy Spirit's constant joy and peace grow in us. also for the financial provision as our parents do not have health insurance or any other governmental benefits. they have always been and will always be 'living by faith" as workers. our needs are in the forms of medicine for both our parents and the hospital bills.

praise God for the pouring of many encouragement... to mention a few, thank God for Dr. Justin Novela who serves as my parents' doctors for free. thank God, too, for Dr. Raymond Gacias, the only neurologist in our city, Iriga City, who is patiently caring for papa. thank God for all of you who visited, prayed and gave monetary support and food. may the Lord bless you all on our behalf! may the Lord's love be upon you day after day.

on a personal note... i believe that the LORD is challenging us as a family to live more focused on Him alone and get out of our comfort zones. this experience led me to seriously live out a recent commitment i made in serving the LORD through my Islamic studies with its implications... part of that can be facing my reluctance to getting married soon for the sake of the LORD's ways... and also, the value of life lived to the fullest for the Master and King, our Father and Savior...

Shukran, Shukran... Ibn GWYY

2007-01-31T15:45:00.000+08:00

Dear 'Kuya',

filipinos concept of sin is 'shame' that's why when you call a person 'no-shame' that would be the worst situation one can ever be, synonymous maybe to an 'end of the world' condition. it can be the equivalent of japanese or chinese's concepts of honor.

because of this, when we are grateful, we coin it with this. so, i would like to say, i am so full of shame in my inability to thank you enough for everything... but thank God, we also have this concept of 'utang na loob' which, literally translated as 'debt from inside' with the word 'inside' relating to the deeper being of the 'heart'. however, 'utang na loob' really means the 'debt of gratitude' which, because of the 'goodness' of shame, it puts one in such a deep obligation to be indebted or thankful for a lifetime.

so, i will not be stuck in shame anymore as i have the chance to be indebted to you in this lifetime. but of course, the Lord repays and rewards on behalf of those who are unable... i pray that the Lord remember you with favor on our behalf, on my behalf... as Nehemiah prayed for God's favor.

having said this, i praise God for the sense of 'life' that Dr. WYH's words has brought to my spirit. i am deeply humbled, honored, enriched and encouraged! thank you to you both for this honor and journey.

hope to hear from you again as you deem it necessary to get in touch with me po. i will also take it as my privilege and obligation to keep in touch with you as needed for the sake of building God's kingdom!

best regards to your family and the family and friends in the movement...

shukran!
~shajarah

Taken, Broken, Given Away

2007-01-31T15:37:00.000+08:00

Brokenness 101

I'm not mad, dear. Just feel a bit tired. Can you stop complaining for yourself? You can rebuke and scold me if it is for God, but not for you, please. Thanks.

Please memorize Colossians 1.16. Everything is created by God and for God. I am created by God and for God, not for you. Same thing with you, and the other people as well. Thanks.

Ravens 101

How can one be so ungrateful and hopeless? When everything around points to favor and gracious?

people in the dorm
love and belonging
community life
acceptance and joy

dormitory privileges
a home here and now
temporary abode
haven of rest and restoration

tipid, tipid, tipid
walking-walking
reflection-prayer
exercise, veganism

free $30 reader
from ruby and robert
encountering the world
my world of islam

lunch 101 today
a lady in shining armour
18 pesos salvation from shame
free lunch, pay it forward

thank you, beth
God bless your soul!

daming free ngayon
in-in and carla
prayer mountain bonding
free everything plus, plus

food, food, ride
stories, stories, plans
pizza, friulli, pizza
time, presence, love

sino pa? at ano pa?
ate pearly and her constant
presence and reminder
for my own future

health card and benefits
payments here and there
scholarships and support
ano pa nga ba? salamat talaga!

ate libay, ate elsie
dakilang mga kaguruan
ibn gwyy, dr. hwy
dakilang mga geya

syempre si iva, si sheena
si rhea, si chris at si kalai
dami-dami naman pala
la pa nga si sheila at reena

syempre pinakamahalaga ngayon
si yonan at mga nanay at tatay
salamat sa pag-ibig at pagtanggap
mabuhay kayo, purihin si yhwh

mga bagong kakilala sa pasay
abdullah at jj at em at ric
salamat, salamat po
hanggang sa muling pagkikita

dami naman nito, ah
wala ng pakawala pa
eto na sila sa frontiers
mimi, roen, buddy, joy

kailangang mag-take stock
magbilang at magpasalamat palagi
pagpapakumbaba at pagsunod
focus, focus: SOLI DEO GLORIA!

my shajarah, oh, shajarah...

2007-01-31T00:51:00.000+08:00

how have you been?
how was the journey?
how is your heart?
are you really back home?

my shajarah, oh, shajarah
welcome home...
is it really home?
will it ever be the same again?

six months
a hundred and eighty four
days, to be exact
long nights and days

emotional whirlwind
onerous movements
coming to and fro
restless, volatile

arbitrary
fleeting
transitory
momentary

shipwrecked
ecstatic
push and pull
unfamiliar

nothing certain
all taken away
east and west
highs and lows

two things i asked
two things granted
simplicity and poverty
brokenness and suffering

yet never was gone
gnawing peace and endurance
such majesty of calmness
always extensive, long-lasting

where have you been?
where are you going?
are you really back?
are you really home?

is it really home?
is it still the same?
will you ever be?
home and home again?

changes
brokenness
growth
suffering

home
is it true
will it ever be
such a reality

never will your heart be
home again
never will there be
the same home again

arbitrary
fleeting
transitory
momentary

so how is your heart?
will it ever be
a welcome home again...
oh shajarah!

Homecoming Entry

2007-01-30T20:18:00.000+08:00

Dear Lord, your apostle Thomas wanted to see you and touch your wounds. He was not satisfied with the enthusiastic words of his friends. He wanted to experience your presence with his own senses.

How I can understand that desire! Haven't I been praying to you often and fervently to let me see you and touch you? And what do you say? "Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe."

Are you asking me to stay in the darkness of faith and surrender to you that feverish and impatient desire for a direct, sensible experience? Are you inviting me to live my life in simple faith, obedient to the witnesses who saw you after your death and who based their teaching on the fact that they indeed saw you alive?

O Lord, I believe; help my unbelief. Amen.

(A Cry For Mercy: Prayers From Genesee, Henri J. M. Nouwen, 2002)

The Nabi and The Rusul said:

2006-07-23T11:49:00.000+08:00

"If any of you want to be my followers, you must forget about yourself. You must take up your cross and follow me. If you want to save your life, you will destroy it. But if you give up your life for me, you will find it. What will you gain, if your own the whole world but destroy yourself? what would you give back your soul?"

"The Son of Man will soon come in the glory of my Father and with his angels to rewards all people for what they have done. I promise you that some of those standing here will not die before they see the Son of Man coming with his kingdom."

The paradox, the paradox! Just how can it ever be? But in every suffering and death, there is joy, reward and life abounding... new birth, new life, new hope, new grace and everlasting love!

Prayer of Rupert Mayer

2006-07-23T11:45:00.000+08:00

Lord, what You will let it be so.
Where You will, there we will go.
What is Your will? Help us to know.

Lord, when You will, the time is right.
In You there's joy in strife.
For Your will I'll give my life.

To ease Your burden brings no pain.
To forego all for You is gain,
as long as I in You remain.

Because You will it, it is best.
Because You will it, we are blest.
Till in Your hands, our hearts find rest,
till in Your hands, our hearts find rest.

too many interesting women

2006-07-18T14:31:00.000+08:00

two days ago
that rainy sunday afternoon
over a yellow corn and isaw at sanggumay
dreaming moments with kalai
IIS classmate, friend and fellow inclusivist

trying hard visionaries
for a cause bigger than life
one beyond us for others
the muslim in the south
school, research, historical accounts
grassroots needs based, Sulu, ARMM

together for others!
adobo secrets, too! hahaha...

heard from A of the A land
jilbabs, UNICEF and int'l NGOs
a finnish lady, a belgian lady, a filipina
on da vinci code, jesus mystery, parables
for the A women and families

here comes florence aka flow
over breakfast today
nice and new avatar
business, money, travel agency
rizal and the young patriots
trips to mumbai and delhi

jesi, oh jesi march
on men and relationships
long distance friendship and mentoring
lessons on waiting, longings, love and service
exciting, interesting, hard, grace-filled...

then, there's ida and lorah
mutya and yvette
hanggang sa muli...

ano pa ho ang nais Niyo?

2006-07-10T13:14:00.000+08:00

araw-araw ng paglalakbay na patay sa sarili... pagtalikod at pag-iwan ng mga bagay-bagay, pag-uugali, kinagawian, kagustuhan at pangarap na taliwas sa Inyong kagustuhan.

lahat ng iyon ay dahil sa Inyong dakilang awa, kapangyarihan, pagkalinga at gabay... lahat ng iyon ay dahil sa Inyong dakilang kagustuhang ako ay maging kawangis ng Inyong Anak... maging maganda at kaiga-igaya sa Inyong harapan!

what do You still want from me, Lord? i have given everything to You. i have given up all my dreams and desires. i have been in the never-ending path of relinquishing... what else do You want? what else do you demand me stripped of?

all controls... all dreams... all wishes... all desires... You have taken them! all of them!

ano pa ho ang nais Niyo? ano pa ang nais Nyong mangyari sa buhay ko? ano pa, aking Ama?

aking tinalikuran ang daan ng self-sufficiency, ng independence, ng aking sariling kagustuhan, plano at naisin... kaya nga at ako'y nagka-relasyon ng wala sa aking plano. kaya nga't tinanggap ko siya ng buong puso bilang inyong kaloob at naisin para sa akin sa panahon at bahaging ito ng buhay. kaya nga at tinahak ko ng matiwasay at may pagtitiwala ang paglalakbay na ito kasama niya. tanging naisin ko po ay ang sumunod sa Inyo at matutong lalong magtiwala.

aking tinalikuran ang comfort zone ng isang pamilyang naghubog, nagmahal, tumanggap sa akin sa loob ng anim na taon at mahigit... at ngayon ay iyong kinuha pa ang kaisa-isang bagay na magpapaalala sa akin ng mga nabuong pangarap at buhay kasama sila. bakit po? bakit pa?

and as if those are not enough, you are asking me to leave behind my family, my parents, all our plans in the family, my country, my dreams with my people, my own hope for a better life in the future with my own family, all my small dreams of simple joys and comforts, my little desires for the basics in life - food, clothing, shelter, education, decent home, decent job, simple lifestyle...

i know it because You are clearly pointing me to the opposite of all these... why, oh why?

why are You leading me to a homeless existence and future, not just for myself but even for my family? why an indecent job for the sake of a so-called calling? why a complicated potential lifestyle of cross-cultural existence? why leave behind my dream for a life of a scholar? why a simple existence of basic food and clothing? why, indeed?

but, i know that in the end, Kayo pa din ang mananalo... talo pa din ako! Kayo pa din ang masusunod... in the final analysis of things.

how does a 20 year old faith journey looks like?

2006-07-08T23:56:00.000+08:00

hayy... i'm really so sad i know that today is my 20th spiritual birthday. but i dont know why it started with such a traumatic experience...

i just remembered that a few days ago, the Lord has been leading me to a striking encounter with matt 11.25-30... where the invitation is to rest in Jesus and learn of his humility and gentleness... where the invitation is to take the yoke that Jesus gave and put it on my shoulders... where the invitation is to bear the yoke that is easy and light... where the invitation is to come and receive the rest that Jesus reserved for those who are weary and tired from carrying heavy burdens...

my heavy burdens are:

loosing just a year old cellphone and having such trauma of being robbed almost every year the past 3-4 years... but this one is the worst - being doubly robbed of the security of a home!

being the one to be blamed for the same looses of my two brothers... one brother loosing his own cellphone, too, and some huge amount for his family's moving on expenses... and another brother loosing another huge amount which is supposedly for my father's cellphone, too...

why, oh why? my lot was set today...

but i am destined for a choice... and i choose the yoke that is light and easy... and i choose the path to rest and well-being...

the Lord is good and His love endures forever... this remains and will remain even after a thousand more 20 years ahead... what a sustaining grace! what a love divine! what a great wonder! what a miracle...

our mabli mayumi

2006-06-26T14:22:00.000+08:00

hi yumi, love you yumi

isang maligayang pagdating!
mainit na pagtanggap
malipayong pag-abot
mamuyang pagka-igin

prinsesa ng buhay

ng bahay, ng lahat

mahalagang kapamilya

magandang pagbabago

a prayer

2006-06-22T16:51:00.000+08:00

'Grant your daughter and servant, O King!
with wisdom, courage and love so divine
As I pursue your sacred call to nurture
To serve the Filipino student world this time.'

if our sacred call is a gift of grace, then our obedience is never to be taken on or for us!

the bottomline remains, as who is the King and God, and who we are!

though it may be said that our obedience blesses others, it is inevitable that the blessing of the Lord follows. it is simply inevitable!

yet, the bottomline remains...

being a recipient of so much grace, places us in a position of seeing, experiencing and understanding giving in a new and powerful light... one which we cannot afford to ignore and neglect.

it is essence than presence, depth over spread!

word three response

2006-06-21T23:27:00.000+08:00

you have once again spoken
your word has been so clear again
and in humility and surrender
i respond and will respond
in obedience and love
i cling to you...

i seek your grace
your mercy
your forgiveness
your love!

now, i stand tall
as you have spoken
in your might and power

now, i stand tall
as the time has come
for trusting and believing

now, i stand tall
as you called me
gave me gifts and insights
and answered our cries

now, it is clear
by faith i stand
by faith i will obey
by faith i come

now, it is clear
you called me to be
like the One and no one else

in humility
in sacrifice
un costly obedience
i should stand

it is not me
i should become less
and less and less
so that the One
becomes more
and more and more

the word is clear
you had spoken
the sparrows need not worry
for you care them and for them

the grass withers
after some few days
but in its season
you garb them beauty and life

as you called me again
as this is what i have been waiting for
i step in faith, trusting and believing
this is where you want me to be...

you changed by heart, indeed!

you are awesome, glorious, beautiful, good!
you are sovereign, mighty, powerful, good!
you know, so i trust!

i come, obey in faith
i will stay...
i will remain...
in the center of your will!

in this sacred call
in this gift of grace
in this obedience
in this faithfulness

amidst the challenges
the waves of 'sanballats'
the call to sacrifice
the call to surrender

the call to humiliation
the call to death
the call to be like him
and no one else!

i worry not
nor should i fear
you are with me
the call is clear!

decisions made
not out of rebellion
nor of hostilities
but out of surrender

out of grace, of love
out of death to self
out of sacrifice
out of obedience

all because of grace
all because of C
who triumphed over
the grave. Amen!

i confess all my sins
my unbelief and sarcasm
my doubts and fears
my cynicism and overly critical mind
my weaknesses and selfish heart

i come to you
for mercy and grace
as i stand tall and
step in and by faith
GET INTO THE BOAT
again...

(acts 14.21-28 from the new ND, his first expo of the word...)

word two response

2006-06-21T22:41:00.000+08:00

the Word of God has spoken
as an ecclesiastical body
a community of believers
followers of Isah
this is what we have to wait for!

not and never will it be
the words of this world
the lure of relevance
the call of the lost

this is the bottomline
and will always be...

have we allowed the ways of the world to creep into our midst? can we allow the lure of relevance to seduce our faithless hearts?

or do we need to speak up as prophets of our times, mourning over our own deaths, in sorrow at the death of our call and distinctive as a movement, as an IFES, called to be servants of and to the Cross?

we came and responded to the call of simplicity and utmost surrender, as staffworker, with Isah as our only possession, giving up our rights, everything we have, with Him and the Cross as our only vision.

now, are we going to change that? are we going to replace our vision of the Lord Isah with policies, with the lure of a PhP 15K or PhP 20K (or more) salary just to be at par with the world's standard? are we replacing our call to sacrifice with the seduction of relevance, joining the worldviews of rat race, convenience, with solutions to problems, thus, reducing our call to mere programs and projects?

far be it from us
to heed riches
or man's empty praise
to replace our gaze
with programs and
relevance

after a sleepless night and never a dry eye moment, the Word has clearly spoken, the song has clearly shaken the core of our being... and no matter what others say and will say, we ought to stand tall, to respond, to get loud!

our emotions matter, after all, we are human beings and not human doings! this is what we teach because we affirm our createdness and our Creator! we affirm the tears of the greatest teacher Isah when he lived here once upon a time. he once was a feeling person and will remain to know and understand such feeling as well as ours. he once felt the pain of death, he once mourned over a death of a good friend.

these things have the least of its bearings on me, if i may say...
as i can leave anytime now
after all, i am due for sabbath
i am single, still young
(according to the UN definition of youth)
professionally skilled and experienced
can work or find a job
or if i may wish
find a rich young ruler
who can be a good 'papa.'

but i cannot do that... it is not an option as i see my colleagues in pain and anguish over some stupid policies... i cannot tolerate the option of simply bowing to policies created by the same authorities we ourselves have prayed for and 'chosen' (elected) to be there, entrusted and mandated to be our protector and allies.

now is the time, then, not to sit down as the One has spoken.

now is the time to catch the wave of what the One is saying and doing in our midst. let us speak up. let us get loud! let us affirm, as an ecclesiastical community, if this is where the One is leading us, if this is what he wants us to do. or else, let us altogether refuse to allow this to come to us and let the next generation suffer of our silence (!), of our refusal to speak out, of our fear of what the authorities will say or do to us.

let us speak up, my friends and family!

i do not do this without the readiness, though, for a possibility, maybe a natural consequence, or maybe an affirmation, that it is me who has to go. that maybe the time has come for me to bid goodbye, to move on and seek the next assignment from the one who called, who is calling, and will be calling.

the One true love of my life, the One in my heart, is my only vision... is our only vision! no one and nothing else!

lest we loose the substance, the essence of all these coming and going, these doing and having, these expressions of love, loaylty and service!

(after one powerful privilege speech... after one turbulent shaking... after that fateful BOT releasing of bombshell... and after 1 Corinthians 9)

word one response

2006-06-21T22:04:00.000+08:00

the season of trusting and believing
has, indeed, come!

why do you speak out so loud now?
why do you answer my questions?
why are you so involved with me?
why do you care?
why are you concern?

truly, truly!
the season of trusting
the season of believing
the season of listening
the season of grace
has finally come...

should i linger?
must i despise?

i confess...
my unbelief
my unreadiness
my unwillingness
as i hold on the reins
of my heart
of trusting myself
more than i trust you

i surrender
i lay down my life
in all its wickedness
before your throne
of love, of grace!

now...
i rejoice
i embrace
i receive
i celebrate
as i glory in you
alone!

i did not seek you
but you found me
i did not love you
but you loved me
i did not honor you
but you honored me

how great is this love!

so, i go on in life
so, i move on this life

i go with that same love
that same grace
that same memory
that same experience
that same track record
of love, of grace

forgive me, please
have mercy on me
help me to listen to you!

pains from people
pains given and received
suffering...

moving on
unknown
faith

sacrifice
can i ever drink this cup?

(genesis 38, 43, 44, 49; cf. matt. 1)

the reason

2006-06-15T01:20:00.000+08:00

just thought and realized now
the reason for this blog's existence
is no other way than both
the dying and birthing

true and equally true
is the sole fact that
only in dying is there
such blissful birthing and life

where both pain and joy
come together in glorious
amalgamation, anticipated
for life, for love, for Him alone

miracle upon miracle
this is it...
the path, the way
its homeward bound

like that train that was
bound for glory!
and thus,
no other way here
than that same glory!

mga pagbabago sa buhay

2006-06-13T15:08:00.000+08:00

hmm... kakatuwa nga naman ang buhay. minsan ay masaya, minsan naman ay malungkot. minsan ay kakaiba dahil hindi lamang madilim ang langit kundi ay nagngangalit pa ang unos. ngunit, minsan naman ay sobrang liwanag ng araw at walang anumang pagbabadya.

mga ilang buwan na rin, mula nang matagpuan ko na lamang ang sarili kong kusang sumasabay sa agos ng buhay. ito marahil ay dahil sa sobrang dami ng mga pagbabago... mga bagay-bagay na sapat upang magpawi ng anumang natitira pang lakas para umalpas o makatakas.

hayy... ako na nga ba ito? pagod na sa paglangoy palayo sa agos ng buhay? takot nang lumaban pa? o marahil ito ay panahon lamang ng pag-agos sa mga pagbabagong nararapat piliin at tahakin? patungo sa lugar na nararapat puntahan? patungo sa tahanan ng puso, tahanan ng buhay, tahanan kasama kayo lamang...

pagbabago... pagtahak sa landas ng buhay... wala nang iba... hindi maiiwasan o matatakasan... kailangang magpatuloy ang paglalakbay.

tara na! sabay tayo...

Do I Make You Proud?

2006-06-13T13:50:00.000+08:00

By: Taylor Hicks

I never been the one to raise my hand
That was not me
And now that's who I am
Because of you
I am standing tall

And my heart is full
Of endless gratitude
You were the one
The one to guide me through
Now I can see
And I believe
It's only just beginning

This is what we dream about
But the only question with me now
Is do I make you proud?
I'm stronger than I've ever been now
Never been afraid of standing out
Do I make you proud?

Everybody needs to rise up
Everybody needs to be loved
To be loved

This is what we dream about
But the only question with me now
Is do I make you
Do I make you proud?

I'm stronger than I've ever been now
Never been afraid of standing out
Do I make you proud?
Do I make you proud?

mahal kita, aking Ama

2006-06-12T06:03:00.000+08:00

dakila po Kayo...
kaya't maraming salamat po

for leading me this far
to and with him...

for the honor of being blessed
with such a bliss

for both the wisdom and romance
of and in this experience

for all intimacy, joy and peace
that only comes from YOU

for love and life
in, with and from YOU

sa Inyo po lamang ako at kami
at ang lahat ng ito!

dakila po Kayo...
at maraming salamat po

for the conspiracy
of the triune You!

(when everything is said and done
in the final analysis of things
only this remains
only this truth...)

one historic moment

2006-06-08T18:47:00.000+08:00

Ultimate Goals

1. greater impact/more effective/more strategic roles for God's greatest glory
2. building each other towards Christlikeness

Intermediate Goals

1. to know what God wants us to be and to do together to achieve the ultimate goal number 1
2. to be closer to God, loving Him above all, being more God-centered, and knowing each other deeper in those contexts

Present Realities

1. we have been doing our own roles
2. we know the basics, we have struggles/bad attitudes

Covenant

1. pray
2. update and communicate
3. grow in openness in our feeling and thinking
4. making mistakes is accepted for the sake of being like Christ
5. try to find mentors (including books) for the growing of our relationships
6. to allow our relationship to be a testimony of God's abounding grace and love for others esp in the community of believers
7. finally, to take things in stride, a journey a day at a time, depending fully on the leading of the Spirit and witnessing grace and love unfolding

(defining realities and directions of the relationship... one extremely sacred path of discipleship or spirituality. that historic moment of 04 june 2006, 16oo hours, at baywalk manila, between you and me.)

when nothing happened as I planned

2006-06-08T18:38:00.000+08:00

hi dozing and snoozing you,

by now, you may still be flying thousands of miles up there, snoozing and dozing your lethargy, hehehe... while all i can do is trust that all is well with you.

so is this it? the point of no return... no more turning back...

i don't know what to say and how to feel... so many things are slowly coming down my senses, sinking in and hopefully taking deep roots in my heart and soul. things that are true, pure, good, beautiful, lovely... things that are not just to and from the self, but more so, beyond! things that do not only belong to the here and now, nor any temporary timeline, but those that are real endless and timeless.

thank you for that openness and grace as i started to learn to share my emotions to you last night. yeah, this is just getting so real to me, each moment that passes by. no other words to call it except undeserved 'grace' and unexpected 'miracle.'

Let God be God!

it seems that overnight, i'm suddenly a new person, with a new identity, with a changed heart, a new believer! a believer of love, enjoying each experience, embracing its mysteries, confronting the great unknown, taking courage at hand and nothing else... after some time of extreme struggle and long waiting the season of trusting and believing has come, as i join you in this journey, a man of and from God, praying that you will remain to be after His own heart!

all i can say now, is that God is good... He is funny at times, though. But His ways are definitely not ours. hayy, i am still so surprised at the many unfolding of events. nothing happened as i planned. yet, i believe that i did what He alone wanted and i went where He alone led me into... may all these unfold for Him, for His sake, in His time.

below are the things that you requested... you may choose to put a general title to it, hehehe

please behave well and take care... just eat healthy food, hehehe... and study well. make sure you befriend others, too.

~meeh

my baby

2006-06-06T17:03:00.000+08:00

you may call me
whatever you want to

just never thought that
this experience would be
such a miracle

even as I realize
where such joy, peace
and love in my heart
come, but from Him
alone!

I am really starting
to miss you a lot
yet, i know that
i will be well
in His hands

thank you
for the honor of this
journey with you
especially for
teaching me
to love Him and you!

(had these thoughts while
praying for you tonight...
simply saying clearly that
this is all about and for
the King!
Ingat ka palagi... paalam!
don't cry, my baby...
we'll see each other again
soon, in His perfect time.
you said it, that this is
good for us, this separation
to strengthen our resolve
our relationship and
our endurance!)

fast car

2006-06-06T16:59:00.000+08:00

Tracy Chapman
100 Hit Lyrics. Gürol CANBEK (gcanbek@hotmail.com) , 2000-2001 http://go.to/gurol

You got a fast car; I want a ticket to anywhere
Maybe we make a deal; maybe together we can get somewhere
Anyplace is better; Starting from zero got nothing to lose
Maybe we'll make something, But me myself I got nothing to prove

You got a fast car, and I got a plan to get us out of here
I been working at the convenience store, managed to save just a little bit of money
We won't have to drive too far, Just 'cross the border and into the city
You and I can both get jobs, and finally see what it means to be living

You see my old man's got a problem, He live with the bottle that's the way it is
He says his body's too old for working, I say his body's too young to look like his
My mama went off and left him, She wanted more from life than he could give
I said somebody's got to take care of him, So I quit school and that's what I did

You got a fast car, but is it fast enough so we can fly away
We gotta make a decision; we leave tonight or live and die this way

I remember we were driving driving in your car
The speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
And I had a feeling that I belonged
And I had feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone

You got a fast car, and we go cruising to entertain ourselves
You still ain't got a job, and I work in a market as a checkout girl
I know things will get better, You'll find work and I'll get promoted
We'll move out of the shelter, Buy a big house and live in the suburbs

You got a fast car, and I got a job that pays all our bills
You stay out drinking late at the bar, See more of your friends than you do of your kids
I'd always hoped for better, Thought maybe together you and me would find it
I got no plans I ain't going nowhere, So take your fast car and keep on driving

You got a fast car, but is it fast enough so you can fly away
You gotta make a decision; you leave tonight or live and die this way

ctu n la

2006-05-31T15:23:00.000+08:00

ayan, nasa ctu na tayo...

24 stands for the longest 24 hours or day in the life of people looking after the national security of a nation. since limang seasons ito so far, then it means, limang araw pa lang ito as documented by ctu, hehehe...

top 10 na gusto ko sa 24

1. very intellectually stimulating - mahirap mahulaan ang plot and story, pero siguradong magugustuhan mo

2. mas madrama ang life ng mga casts, kaya hindi boring, unlike 'alias'

3. hindi limiting ang ways ni jack, his goals are clear and focused so he delivers, di siya nawawalan ng options to resolve the issues at hand

4. madaming good reflections on leadership styles nina palmer, keeler, logan, buchanan at madami pang iba...

5. palagi akong napapa-reflect sa reality that the real decisions are done when one is under much stressful and critical life-and-death situations, real decisions that are clearly reflecting the self

6. good venue to get to know the outcasts and unpopular as they come in the forms of marginalized or evil terrorists, who are, definitely, not misrepresented

7. mas madami at magkakaiba ang characters na pwedeng magturo ng maraming bagay sa iyo

8. mejo all of life ang pag-reveal at pag-build ng concerns ng mga casts - family dynamics, cultural, political, economics, etc.

9. mabilis ang mga pangyayari

10. madaming kingdom values

mas malawak na reflections later on...

season 5!

2006-05-31T15:00:00.000+08:00

bakit kailangang pumasok sa eksena ang mga intsik?

marahil ay dahil naubos na nilang mailantad ang lahat na maaaring maging kaaway ng kanilang kapangyarihan at maging panganib sa pangkalahatang seguridad...

simula sa mga assassins, sa mga muslim na terorista, sa mga komunistang ruso, at maging sa mga kaaway sa loob ng kapangyarihan...

syempre pa, eh dapat me bago. kaya naman, pumasok na sa eksena ang mga intsik ngayong season 6! waahhh...

if you know what i am talking about, then we are friends!

frends at klasmeyts tayo sa klasrum na sikat sa tawag na bente kwarto. o di ba, titsers natin sina chloe, tony, bill, audrey, kim, michelle, nina, chase, david palmer, mike novick, aaron, john keeler, charles logan, curtis at syempre pa si JACK bauer kasama ng mga terorista...

at ang laboratory natin ay ang ctu la, waaahhh!

but seriously, i am into tracing some motiffs of deep leadership characters and vocational calling in this series. for those who are going through some life or mid-life transitions, hmmm, this is something really worth looking into...

itutuloy po...

crucible

2006-05-31T14:38:00.000+08:00

*container for melting something
METALLURGY. a heat-resistant container in which ores or metals are melted

*bottom of furnace
METALLURGY. the hollow part at the bottom of a furnace where molten metal collects

*ordeal
a severe trial or ordeal

*testing circumstances
a place or set of circumstances where people or things are subjected to forces that test them and often make them change

a long list

2006-05-29T17:52:00.000+08:00

given a chance to account my life, i can say without a bat of an eyelash, that i am one of the world's richest persons.

the honor is so much as to have been given the pleasure of the intangibles such as seeing what is there to see, finding meaning in life.

one clear intangible is the treasure of friends, both male and female, young and old.

if i may start my accounting with this long list of great women in my life...

inay kikay
mama
NCS

joey
reena
reylynne

dahlia
bebe
lorah

mutya
ging
yvet
di

flow
jinglet
lynn

shiela
jules
judith - a certain misis salamat

belen
ayneth
amor

ayet
joy
myrna
djoy

minette
myrna

olive
aking
jenny
loida

aque
nel
ailen
lally

to be continued...

avatar

2006-05-29T17:47:00.000+08:00

*an incarnation of a Hindu deity in human or animal form, especially one of the incarnations of Vishnu such as Rama and Krishna

*embodiment of something - somebody who embodies, personifies, or is the manifestation of an idea or concept

*an image of a person in a virtual reality - computing a movable three-dimensional image that can be used to represent somebody in cyberspace, for example, an internet user

(from an english encarta dictionary)

motiff of reversal

2006-05-20T03:13:00.000+08:00

tatlong uno
1.25, 1.50, 1.75
tatlong uno
tatlong himala

kahirapan
pighati
decision to quit
to run away

pagtakas
pagtakbo
pagtalikod
pagsuko

sa mundong hindi akin
bawal, di ako tanggap
second class citizen
second rate opinion

mahirap maging dayuhan
mahirap tanggihan ng karapatan
maging kakaiba at di kanais-nais
isang outsider sa mundong ginagalawan

but when all else failed
then you say otherwise
nothing else than
trusting beyond the self

why did i get those marks
undeserved, unworthy
but a real pleasant surprise
a real motiff of reversal

so what is the point
point of reflection
point of reference
than the point of grace

paradox, indeed!
real and true!
sweet surrender
sweet mercy flowing

smile

2006-05-19T23:54:00.000+08:00

concealing
the agonies of the soul

misleading
the hoof marks of pain

revealing
the great joys of the heart

uncovering
such peace beyond understanding

paradox!

then there will be
imprints of such joy and peace
amidst all agonies and pains
there is no other way

sheer grace and mercy
mere speck of dust and dew
across a wide horizon
recipient of such amazing love

oh smile, how small and simple
yet, profound and able
to reveal, to conceal
deep mysteries and truths

joey

2006-05-19T23:13:00.000+08:00

you came, the One-ordained moment
dinner under star-studded expanse
more than a candle-lit hush-hush
beyond words, across time

love expressed along the tangibles
creatively prepared meals for heart
one great chef for a night of tears
toasts, laughters, goodbyes, memories

birthdays, thirty years and growing
hellos, five years overflowing
but now, time for leave-taking
years and seas across mounting

silent retreats, profound thoughts
connections to the Maker
the One will see us through
these moments of making

Henri Nouwen, Elizabeth Elliot
transformations, social justice
spirituality and solitude
we will remain, bonded

i will... until the end
accountable, partners
i commit, will remain
will always be blessed

will ever be grateful
paalam joey
dear sister and friend
i will never be

never will be
the same again

joey...
intsik na merong
pusong pinoy
kaibigan, kasabwat

mababang kalooban
pusong dakila
bata ngunit matanda
babaeng kakaiba

malalim mag-isip
di pangkaraniwang kaluluwa
dakila ang tumawag sa iyo
tunay ngang dakila!!!

silence, solitude
prayers, tears
listen, heart
hush, my soul

a hundred and one

2006-05-19T18:54:00.000+08:00

mukhang marami pa
ang pwedeng magbago
and dapat baguhin

mabubuting bagay
maiinam na asal
katangi-tanging katangian

kabutihan
kagalakan
kapayapaan

pag-ibig
pagpapahalaga
pagbubukas loob

pananampalataya
pagsunod
pagkalinga

paglilingkod
pag-angat ng kapakanan
ng iba kaysa sarili

katarungan
kabanalan
kaluwalhatian

sa Iyo po lamang
higit sa lahat
Siya nawa.

the hundredth time

2006-05-14T14:41:00.000+08:00

none other than
a summer getaway
supposedly

but turned into
a real sunny outlook
instead

newness, freshness
happy disposition
liberation

metamorphosis
cheery me
freedom

haircut
get-up
lifestyle

U2 in another landslide at the recent grammies...

2006-05-13T00:14:00.001+08:00

beyond the 32nd and time

2006-05-12T16:47:00.000+08:00

this is more than what a broken earthen jar can ever ask for and imagine - to be an unfinished work of grace and a recipient of so much love... such gifts been so lavishedly endowed on a poor soul like me... on her 32nd!

the 31st...

there was a time that I was so afraid to ask questions... many questions that are hard and even answerless! but one thing is sure, one thing is certain. i am contented with life and that i can die anytime. the Lord has been good to me the past three decades.

i guess, i know now what it is to have JOY in the work God tasked me to do - to bloom where He planted me. i have lived a full life at 30. Yes, i do!

HE

2006-05-12T16:43:00.000+08:00

He came to me with the most wonderful tenderness. He was afraid and I was afraid, but there it was, that openness; he was as delicate and fragile and beautiful as a flower, the blossom trembling in full bloom...
(Victoria Freeman)

He poured so gently and naturally into my life
like a batter into a bowl of batter.
Honey into a jar of honey.
The clearest water sinking into sand.
(Justine Sydney)

it never is

2006-05-12T16:35:00.000+08:00

if you ever think that this is but easy for me, it never is!
not at all.

if you ever think that this is fine with me, it never is!
not at all.

this path is elusive to understanding
much more clarity...

this path is never free of fear and trembling
much more uncertainty...

don't ever think that this is alright with me... it never is!

this clear paradox!

('i am not alright'- a cut from sanctus real's album, that is
guess that's quite similar to this cry, to this handle
a mere coincidence? a mere circumstantial connivance?
a conspiracy out of nowhere... a conspiracy from on high...)

the 103rd... as translated by eugene peterson

2006-03-26T00:14:00.000+08:00

oh my soul, bless GOD.
from head to toe, i'll bless his holy name!
oh my soul, bless GOD,
don't forget a single blessing!

he forgives your sins - every one.
he heals your diseases - every one.
he redeems you from hell - saves your life!
he crowns you with love and mercy - a paradise crown.
he wraps you in goodness - beauty eternal.
he renews your youth - you're always young in his presence.

itutuloy... ito ang gusto kong basahin sa aking funeral. kung merong pwedeng maglapat ng tunog, mas mainam. kung pwedeng gawin sa filipino, eh mas lalong mabuti...

the visits, the presence, the idealisms

2006-03-25T23:42:00.000+08:00

i haven't been to such a great state of perplexity as that of two days ago, after visiting two powerful offices of the land. one is the office of a senator where his former chief of staff spent not less than three precious hours of listening and interacting with our idealism. the second one is a great political party, a first of its kind that we have met. one which gives premium on morality and spirituality which they call 'first things first.'

one full day, one great time of listening and wrestling with their idealisms, one powerful moment of perplexity... i will never be the same again.

changed... is changing... will be changed... again and again!

some reflections...

i will never cease to be an idealist nationalist. this nation is worth living, fighting, and dying for. this is my only home away from home. this is my lot, this is given to me.

talking to the right people helps a lot in gaining the right perspective. being with them for that day was like gaining insights from a crash course of 20 units/credits! what a life transforming experience. a real-life encounter with ideals and realities.

i discover that people of great spirituality are the ones who can lead best and powerfully. lifestyle leadership is the best form of leadership and one which this nation badly needed. a leadership by example, but a rare find. indeed, this nation is in crisis of leadership.

meeting them gives so much hope for the land... and that i can choose to be like them - to stay hopeful while doing something though small for the others and also for myself. and that many things start with the self... a life of example, a rootedness on something bigger than the self... a self-sacrificial stand, a willingness to serve others more than the self, a servant heart, a stewardship... a theology of the cross?

how can i ever remain the same?

(thank you senator nene pimentel and secretary/professor/ex-governor/attorney lutz barbo. thank you attorney nandy pacheco of the kapatiran sa pangkalahatang kabutihan!)

isaiah and zechariah

2006-03-25T22:50:00.000+08:00

#49a

listen to me, you islands;
hear this, you distant nations:
before i was born the ONE called me;
from my birth he has made mention of my name.

he made my mouth like a sharpened sword,
in the shadow of his hands he hid me;
he made me into a polished arrow
and concealed me in his quiver.

he said to me, "You are my servant,
ISL, in whom I will display my splendor."

but I said, "I have labored to no purpose;
I have spent my strength in vain and for nothing.
yet what is due me is in the ONE's hand,
and my reward is with my God."

and now the ONE says -
he who formed me in the womb to be his servant
to bring JCB back to him
and gather ISL to himself,
for I am honored in the eyes of the ONE
and my G has been my strength -

he says:
"It is too small a thing for you to be my servant
to restore the tribes of JCB
and bring back those of ISL I have kept.
I will also make you a light for the GNLs,
that you may bring my salvation to the ends of the earth."

this is what the ONE says -
the Redeemer and Holy One of ISL -
to him who was despised and abhorred by the nation,
to the servant of rulers:

"Kings will see you and rise up,
princes will see and bow down,
because of the ONE, who is faithful,
the Holy One of ISL, who has chosen you."

#10

ask the ONE for rain in the springtime;
it is the ONE who makes the storm clouds.
he gives showers of rain to men,
and plants of the field to everyone.

the idols speak deceit,
diviners see visions that lie;
they tell dreams that are false,
they give comfort in vain.

therefore the people wander like sheep
oppressed for lack of a shepherd.

"My anger burst against the shepherds,
and I will punish the leaders;
for the ONE Great will care
for his flock, the house of JDH,
and make them like a proud horse in battle.

from JDH will come the cornerstone,
from him the tent peg,
from him the battle bow,
from him every ruler.

together they will be like mighty men
trampling the muddy streets in battle.
because the ONE is with them,
they will fight and overthrow the horsemen.

i will strengthen the house of JDH
and save the house of JSF.
i will restore them
because i have compassion on them.

they will be as though
i had not rejected them,
for i am the ONE their G
and i will answer them.

the EPH will become like mighty men,
and their hearts will be glad as with wine.
their children will see it and be joyful;
their hearts will rejoice in the ONE.

i will signal them and gather them in.
surely i will redeem them;
they will be as numerous as before.
though i scatter them among the peoples,
yet in distant lands they will remember me.
they and their children will survive,
and they will return.

i will bring them back from EGT
and gather them from ASSR.
i will bring them to GIL and LBN,
and there will not be room enough for them.

they will pass through the sea of trouble;
the surging sea will be subdued
and all the depths of the NLE will dry up.
ASSR's pride will be brought down
and EGT's scepter will pass away.

i will strengthen them in the ONE
and in his name they will walk,"
declares the ONE.

(meaningful interactions with the ONE... the former in seeking for direction and the confirmation on moving on. revealed on a recent retreat last january in baguio city. the latter in seeking answers as to why is there an awareness on the crisis of the land esp. that of political leadership. esp so after visiting one senator and one political party two days ago. the first experience led to clarity while the latter to perplexity...)

surprises, smiles, graces

2006-03-25T22:08:00.000+08:00

once again, just like those many sacred moments of being, the heavens opened. showers of graces trickled down, smiles poured forth, mysteries unfolded.

once again, he touched the core which he alone can get through. it was a surprise, a most welcome inspiration.

the day was hard and stressful. too many things needed to be done. deadlines are in their deadliest. papers piled up. finish the work is the call of the time.

grace of all graces, the major deadline was met. it was done and off to production it kicked off. a diner treat at the fave vegetarian likha-diwa was most welcome. full, satisfied, yet tired and quite lonely, home awaited. only to be met by this inconspicuous unexpected moment.

he is a simple person, serving others untiringly, inspiring them with his witty observations and appreciation of life while bringing them safely home. he noticed life, talked about it, and surprise of all surprises, serves wholeheartedly generous! he did not let me pay for his service. it was for free, it was gladly given, it was a gift from the heart! and i cannot take it for granted. i should not even think of neglecting it.

what an honor, what a privilege, what an undeserved favor. may the One who holds all things to him and himself honor such great and powerful intention. may it remain pure and beautiful in the sight of the One who makes all things new and good!

how can i ever thank you, manong!? for the smile, for the honor of receiving such love, for the inspiration, for the grace unfolding, for the doors of heavens which opened wide enough for me to notice. i am most grateful and joyful! i am one soul greatly honored and deeply touched.

('di ko siya kilala, ngunit kanyang naarok ang aking puso at damdamin. paano mangyayari na ako ay kanyang napansin? maari kaya iyon? isang maliit na 'act of kindness' ngunit habang buhay na hindi makakaligtaan. sino ang pwedeng makalimot? sa oras ng matinding kapaguran at pangangailangan ay dumating ang isang inspirasyon. isang anghel kaya siya? hulog ng langit, iyan ay sigurado. how can it ever happen? angels in disguise of a tricycle driver... help me to notice him, them.)

connecting with culture: my way

2006-03-25T22:05:00.000+08:00

What piece of music will be played at your funeral? Hopefully, you’ll have plenty of time to think about it. But songs can movingly reflect and express the kind of person we are (or were).

According to one survey recently, the most popular piece of ‘contemporary’ music (as opposed to classical or religious) to be played as we face the final curtain is Frank Sinatra’s ‘My Way’.

Ol’ Blue Eyes is certainly still a draw; the advance ticket sales for ‘Sinatra at the Palladium’, which opened this month, were over £3m. And ‘My Way’ itself has all-age appeal as a classic hymn to our uniqueness and individual swagger.

‘Through it all, when there was doubt, I ate it up and spat it out,’ it boasts. ‘I faced it all and I stood tall and did it my way.’

Christians, surely, can learn from Sinatra’s verve. After all, according to Psalm 139, we are ‘fearfully and wonderfully made’; we each have a unique iris and a unique way of seeing the world. Too often, we stand back when we have something to contribute that no one else on earth could do in quite the same way.

Yet we also face a point of departure from the song when Sinatra hits his final crescendo:

‘For what is a man? What has he got?

If not himself – then he has naught.

To say the things he truly feels

And not the words of one who kneels…’

The sentiment contrasts with U2’s recent hit ‘Vertigo’, a mesmerising song written by Bono warning of the temptations and sickening dizziness of climbing the ladder. ‘Your love is teaching me how to kneel,’ he concludes.

That’s not to let us off the challenge to do what we can and to do it well. The ‘parable of the talents’ offers a frank warning to the person who won’t take risks with what they’ve personally been given to work with; Eugene Petersen, in the Message, describes them as a ‘play-it-safe who won’t go out on a limb’.

But it is, once we’ve identified our own strengths, to play to them hard for the sake of the upside-down world of the kingdom. To say (and do) the things we feel - as the words of one who kneels.

And that, I hope, in the end, will have been my way.

Brian Draper

the most popular song to be played at funerals is Frank Sinatra’s ‘My Way’

Christians, surely, can learn from Sinatra’s verve

CLICK HERE - www.licc.org.uk/culture/my-way - FOR MORE INFO AND TO HAVE YOUR SAY

the ninetieth

2006-03-22T20:59:00.000+08:00

metanoia, n.

a spiritual conversion or awakening
fundamental change of character

etymology
Gk. 'change one's mind, repent'

P A G H U H U N O S - D I L I ?

paghuhunos kagaya ng pagpapalit ng balat ng isang sawa
likas na dapat at bahagi ng buhay
kailangan, di maiiwasan
pagbabago

pagdidili-dili, pagbubulay-bulay
pag-iisip-isip, kung anong nararapat
para di magkamali
pagbabago man din

confessions... freedom

2006-03-22T20:45:00.000+08:00

coming out
revelations
confrontations
metanoia

to lay the cards down
to bare the heart out
to seek that which is real
to open up and speak the truth

honesty
is still the best policy
the truth
which will always prevail

to be set free!
once and for all!

the long awaited face and violin

2006-03-22T20:27:00.000+08:00

WHAT SUFFERING is... as experienced by Paul

2006-03-19T17:19:00.000+08:00

... and now i am happy
about my sufferings for you,
for by means of my physical sufferings
i help complete what still remains
of the Son's sufferings on behalf of his body,
which is the church

... and i have been made a servant
of the church by the Father,
who gave me this task to perform
for your good

it is the task of fully proclaiming his message
which is the secret he hid through all past ages
from all mankind,
but has now revealed to his people

for this is the Father's plan:
to make known his secret to his people,
this rich and glorious secret
which he has for all peoples

and the secret is this:
the Son is in you,
which means that you will share
the glory of the Father

so we preach the Son to all men
we warn and teach everyone,
with all possible wisdom,
in order to bring each one
into the Father's presence
as a mature individual
in union with the Son

to get this done
i toil and struggle,
using the mighty strength
the the Son supplies,
which is at work in me.

WHO HE IS... as revealed to paul

2006-03-19T17:00:00.000+08:00

his person and work...

he is the visible likeness of the invisible Being
he is the first-born Son,
superior to all created things

for by him the Father created
everything in heaven and on earth,
the seen and the unseen things,
including spiritual powers,
lords, rulers, and authorities

the Father created the whole universe
through him and for him
he existed before all things,
and in union with him
all things have their proper place

he is the head of his body, the church;
he is the source of the body's life;
he is the first-born Son
who was raised from death,
in order that he alone might have
the first place in all things

for it was by the Father's own decision
that the Son has in himself
the full nature of the God

through the Son, then,
the Father decided to bring
the whole universe back
to himself

the Father made peace
through his Son's death on the cross,
and so brought back to himself all things,
both on earth and in heaven

at one time you were far away from the Father
and made yourselves his enemies
by the evil things you did and thought

but now,
by means of the physical death of his Son,
the Father made you his friends,
in order to bring you,
holy and pure and innocent,
into his presence

you must, of course, continue faithful
on a firm and sure foundation,
and not allow yourselves to be shaken
from the hope you gained
when you heard the love story

it is of this love story that I,
Paul, became a servant -
this love story which has been proclaimed
to everyone in the world!

a journey of faith

2006-03-19T16:10:00.000+08:00

... is not the eradication of poverty and suffering
nor a change of social status from poor to middle class
it is not an accumulation of properties and doodads
nor a hoarding of degrees and titles

but, a place of the truest riches and purest wealth

where one grows to see the beauty of life
that bright side of the world
where butterflies and moths fly
where the grasses and flowers thrive

where people matters the most
where relationships grow and linger
where trust and hope and love pervade
where the heart of the matter is the heart!

where joy and peace find permanent residence
where one finds home in the bossom of love
the love eternal, enduring, perfect
the hope in grace, trust in mercy

where faith is the real wealth
seeing much even in darkness and nothingness
where ordinary men and women
make extraordinary bold steps in life

where seeing the unseen is reality
where knowing the unknown is ordinary
where one discerns that only with
the invisible eye can the essentials be seen

for it is only with the heart
that one can
see rightly
hear clearly
love deeply
trust fully

journey in faith
growing in love
in peace and hope
in trust and belief

for what the heart sees and feels
only the heart understands
and what really matters
as long as being endures

in His time
in His ways
in His call
in His heart!

to Him who holds all things
to whom everything belongs
and find their being
to whom everything will go...

2006-03-14T04:48:00.000+08:00

random life

2006-03-14T04:40:00.000+08:00

Erwin Raphael McManus wrote: "I am convinced the great tragedy is not the sins that we commit, but the life we fail to live."

Andrea Bocelli: "You will not have greatness until you understand that the strongest muscle is the heart. To me that's the soul of the Olympic Games."

Anonymous: "The face can speak of a thousand emotions but it can easily mask what the heart truly feels. Don't be fooled for the happiest face may be masking the most hurting heart."

ang uod

2006-03-14T04:33:00.000+08:00

Isang araw, ako’y ginulat ng isang maliit na maya nang ito’y dumapo sa halaman malapit sa kinatatayuan ko. Tila baga sumisid ang ibon sa kanyang pagdapo. Isang malaking berdeng uod pala ang kanyang pakay. At sa bigat marahil sa kanyang tuka ay ito’y nalaglag sa aking harapan.

“Hmm, ano kaya ang kanyang gagawin?” tanong ko sa sarili. Walang takot na dinampot ng ibon ang uod. Pakiwari ko ay sinabi niya sa aking, “Huwag mong agawin ang aking hapunan!” Kapagdaka, ito ay dumapo sa isang sanga at lumingon na tila nagpapasalamat..

At hinding-hindi ko makakalimutan ang mga titig na yaon!

For a very short while, I felt a recognition of and a connection to that tiny life. I experienced the warm breath of precious life. Para bang nagsasabing “ako’y isang buhay at nilalang na dapat mong maramdaman.” And for a long moment, I gazed, as a sacred window of life opened!

There, is the Creator and there, are the wonderful images and reflections of Him!

O, anong ganda at dakila, anong hiwaga ng biyaya ng buhay!
Lalo na at ito ay tigib ng pag-asa at pananalig!

Ang KC ay ganito marahil sa marami sa atin – isang pagkakataon na masilayang muli ang kagandahan at kadakilaan ng Puong Maykapal at arukin ang Kanyang mga talinhaga sa iba’t-ibang kaparaanan – sa pamamagitan kaya ng kalikasan, o kaya’y ng mga pinagtagni-tagning kwento ng buhay, pakikibahagi, pagsasama-sama, at pakikibaka.

Sa ilan, ito marahil ay panahon ng matimtimang pakikinig kagaya nang pag-upo ni Maria sa paanan ng dakilang Guro. O kaya’y panahon ng masidhing pagtatanong kagaya nang nakagawian ng labin-dalawang alagad. O dili kaya’y pagkakataon para buong pagmamahal na hugasan ng luha, punasan ng buhok at pahiran ng pabango ang mga paa ng Guro. Isang pagtugon sa tawag ng pagpapatawad at pananalig. Isang paghuhunos-dili o pagbabagong-buhay!

But for many of us, this can be a Gethsemane where, like Him, we will need to face life’s final crossroad and confront its ultimate call! That is, the call for obedience (and faithfulness) in all areas of life, however, costly it may be. After all, His was never a cheap grace! His was a love divine!

His was a life surrendered, never his own!
A life to honor the King of kings and the LORD of the universe!
Come! Let us, altogether landmark and celebrate this kind of life in KC!

Isang mapagpala at mapalayang pagbati at pagtanggap sa bagong kabuuan ng mga tinawag – mga kapwa ko kabataan, mga anak ng Hari, mga tagasunod ng Guro, kapwa ko Filipino!

TULOY PO KAYO!

(attempts to welcome the new batch of kc delegates! hmmm, living proof of a journeying father even in the midst of deep insecurities and great uncertainties... amidst all the struggles and abounding fears... inside a crucible under the hottest furnace!)

it's full circle

2006-03-14T04:29:00.000+08:00

two years!
no!
it's three.

write
some more

reflect
contemplate

landmark
articulate

capture
engage

healing conversations

2006-03-14T03:46:00.000+08:00

Sacred moments of coming together can bring healing conversations. That's what happened to gartogcel (supposedly a kuya) and me last weekend. On my way to my brother's house, I passed by their porch and there they are - husband and wife - sitting on the stairs, our fave spot. Since it was a weekend, joining them for a short chit-chat is surely not a crime, so I thought. But, alas! The short chit-chat was turned to a long unexpected healing conversation! Speaking of surprises!

We talked of many miracles, counting and recounting countless grace moments, many of them concealed in crucibles - teh fiery furnace of purifying, purging, the push and pull of the One and the human. There was the provisions of exact needs for vacationa airfares, the exact nine thousands for the whole family, the constant wrestling mode of the wicked human soul on the One's mysterious and never likeable ways, the pushing of what we thought to be the best for us and our capacities, the pride of life, the discontentment and questionings, the strong controlling grip on things, events, and even spirituality, itself... All of man's limitations and mistakes! All of the One's patient coaching and guiding, selfless and enduring love!

Confessions upon confessions, questions upon questions, realizations and reflections, all sacred, all divine, all mysterious, all beautiful. The taming, the molding, all the pains, all the tears. Yet, all the beauty emerging - pure, true, lovely, admirable, praiseworthy, good!

Motiffs of relinguishing, surrender, losing all forms of control, going out of the box!

Acceptance, trusting, loving...
Faith, hope, love!
Peace and joy!
LIFE...

Never-ending quest for His path, His direction, His truth!

How come we never learn? How come He never gives up on us?

reminiscin'

2006-02-26T02:42:00.000+08:00

events unfolding, countless
days leave-taking, so quickly
stories recounting, abundant
oh my, how fast time flies!

three years ago, exactly
when blogspot shajarah started
a kernel of wheat falling to the ground
dying to be birthed, live and grow

twenty years ago, exactly
when freedom and democracy was restored
now they are being taken away again
for the rule of military and men in uniform

state of national emergency declared
in memory of a new birth from a military rule

baguio escapade

2006-02-21T16:59:00.000+08:00

yeah, yeah, it's baguio again. november, january, february... then, a few more visits some time later, maybe.

but this third visit is a much more meaningful one. first, it is one big whole family affair for the first time after our home had become an empty nest. second, it is a surprise special celebration for our father's 60th birthday, which makes it is more meaningful. and thirdly, it is on the time that baguio is at its best (its lowest temperature level in the year and in time for the flower festival - exactly what baguio is really known for around the world).

but, i guess, one huge unuttered impact this experience had been to us, was its deep sense of being a favor and grace granted. it was more than an imagined and wished surprise. it goes on smoothly as if natural and unnoticed, yet, so loud as an undeserved favor. indeed, a gift!

so they say, life is full of surprises. life is also like a gift wrapped in many beautiful colors and shapes. and what a great way to celebrate it but with being grateful, and excited. to receive the gifts with such immensity, with such a zest for life and bliss, for delight and gratitude! celebrating the gift to its fullest while honoring the giver to its utmost!

2006-01-28T18:54:00.000+08:00

TA NGATA?

2006-01-19T06:17:00.000+08:00

ta ngata uman
ta pabago-bago ana isip
arog kana pabago-bagong panahom

ta ngata kaya
ta ana puso nagbabago
nalilingaw, nag-gugurang
ana mga tawo

ta ngata iba na
ana kaisipan saka mga plano
diri nagtutunong
sa kakaisip, kakabago

mala ng pagal
hanggang kuno migaka-agko
katapusan ana kapagalan

ta ngata ta
natatapos ana gab-i
pag nag-abot ana aldow

ta ngata na sira
nagbabago, nabubuhay
nagpapa ingalo, nabubuhay
pa nanggad

ararom na rarupon
ana salog na ararom
arog kana buhay
malang rarom, malang sakit

nang matapilok at mapaso ang dila

2006-01-19T06:14:00.000+08:00

(isang pagbabalik tanaw sa isang kwento ng pag-ibig...)

unashamed love

2006-01-19T05:42:00.000+08:00

You're calling me to lay aside
Worries of my day
To quiet down my busy mind
And find a hiding place
To sing worthy
You're so worthy

Open up my heart and
Let my spirit worship You
Open up my mouth and
Let a song of praise come forth
Worthy, You are worthy!

Have a child-like faith
Have my honest praise
Have my unashamed love
Have a holy life
Have my sacrifice
Have my unashamed love

Worthy, we cry worthy!!!

(the carrier single of james cotterell's album. been so in love with this song ever since it reached my ears, which was just last christmas. its unique melody which is very much like a host of angels' hallelujah chorus gripped my heart intensely. and i keep praying for this kind of love and faith!)

Angels Wish

2006-01-19T05:06:00.001+08:00

(We know things that the angels ‘long to look into’.)

Was God smiling
When He spoke the words
That made the world
And did He cry about the flood
What does God’s voice sound like
When He sings, when He’s angry
These are just a few things
That the angels have on me

Well / Still, I can’t fly
At least not yet
I’ve got no halo on my head
And I can’t even start to picture Heaven’s beauty
But I’ve been shown the Savior’s love
The grace of God has raised me up
To show me things the angels long to look into
And I know things
The angels only wish they knew

I have seen the dark and desperate place
Where sin will take you
I’ve felt loneliness and shame
And I have watched the blinding light of grace
Come breaking through with a sweetness
Only tasted by the forgiven and redeemed

And someday I’ll sit down with my angel friends
Up in Heaven
They’ll tell me about creation
And I’ll tell them a story of grace

(sinulat at kinanta ni Steven Curtis Chapman, isang bagong paborito ko ngayon at mainstay ng aking mp3 player, hehehe... wait until you hear its great melody and unique na interpretation, not to mention its insightful truth. i think it had a powerful impact, too, when i used it as part of my expository preaching of Zechariah 1-6. yeah, it is one to six!)

Crossing the Bridge When There Is One

2006-01-19T04:58:00.000+08:00

Dear Hassan,

So is this it after some time… is this it?!

Is this the bridge worth crossing now? Is this what is meant by a test of time? That something which grows stronger at the test of time?

Is this the miracle of God? Is this what they call ‘leap of faith’? Is this what they call ‘courage’? Is this what they call ‘love’?

How can it be that understanding and reasons are elusive? How can I ever realize that I have loved you without knowing clearly why and how? How can life be this different and hard? Yet, be joyful and exciting as well.

There is neither assurance nor tangibles between us even as I write now. There is not even a hint of what is in your heart and mind. But I pursue this leap of faith, this grasp of courage, and this miracle of love and living!

I pray for wisdom and neither confusion nor fear…

~Hadassah ;-)

Impressions

That you have a clear mandate from the Lord and you know it well. And there are also specific ones. May you be able to clarify and obey them.

That part of the mandate is God’s clear guidance on your future family. May the gracious God grant you the best wife, one who will be your match and soulmate, one whom you will serve the Lord with, one who will be the best mother of your children.

That you have to take courage and continue to take that leap of faith. Take courage to open your heart and receive His miracle of love.

(ika-sampung araw ng unang buwan ng taong ito po ito naisulat... kasama ang buwan sa kanyang paglabas. ito'y isang mayamang pagpapahayag ng saloobin sa naising maging makatotohanan at may katapatan sa sarili lamang.)

watch out!

2006-01-19T04:53:00.000+08:00

for the coming out of the long-awaited 'the face and the violin' of this blogger ;-)
coming soon, i hope really soon!!!

the path of the rainbow...

2006-01-19T04:16:00.000+08:00

Okay, LORD!

I'm ready to face this life that I have now for good. I'm ready now (as I always dream of), to be single for life! Just don't allow to grow in me the heart of an old maid ;-)... what i meant by that, you already know!

Instead, I pray that you would fill me with that great and overflowing joy, overflowing from Your Throne of grace... that humility, too, as well as the servanthood of Jesus... the boldness, too, from the Holy Spirit... coupled with Your wisdom and grace!

So, it's exactly a year now when you took him away from me. With the only desire to obey and honor You, I let go of him despite all the pains. It was never an easy path... well, so narrow, the one less travelled and never familiar. that path of brokenness, groaning, and giving away... to the point of death!

But, it's that same path towards healing and restoration, as well. that same path where the rainbow used to appear right after a great storm. that path towards life and towards Him, who is more and bigger than life itself.

(01 december 2K5, 1845 hrs, at frio mixx ali mall, phils)

2006-01-13T17:34:00.000+08:00

SAIL ON

2006-01-13T17:30:00.000+08:00

leaves falling
eastern wind blowing
seasons changing
the coming and going

love divine
grace moments
WALANG HANGGAN
abide, stay

newness, freshness
shedding off the old skin
pruning, purging
behold, the NEW has come!

changes
move on
rest and linger
TRUST!

2006-01-13T17:26:00.000+08:00

i'll never be the same again

2006-01-13T17:13:00.000+08:00

since this day
the 10th of the first month of this new year
this God-given time and space

since this day
when the staffcon culminated
with these profession of faith

i'll never be the same again

faith
declaration
trust

i'll never be the same again

since this day
when i finally met him
after almost two years

hope
redemption
rejoicing

i'll never be the same again

because of
LOVE!

masiram na pagbalik tan-aw sa nakaagi (what homecoming really means)

2006-01-03T12:07:00.000+08:00

sa wakas, nakauli man nanggad ako... salamat sa alawig na bakasyon kin iisipon, pero sa kamatoran sana la palan kaatlukot. matood lang na nag-iiba ana pananaw pag nasa baloy mo ika. agko kakaibang pagmate, buko sanang pananaw. agko naiibang karanasan, buko sanang kamatean.

dipisil ispilingon ana mga bagay-bagay pag arog kadi ana kamutangan. agko naiibang karanasan, kamatean, saka pananaw. amo adi nagiginibo kana baloy. baloy, usad na lugar na nagtatao sa ibang paglaom, ibang kakusugan, ibang kaogmahan.

(amo di so juan carlos, usad na dahilan kin ngata ako dapat na makauli... iya ana regalo kana Diyos sadto pinsan ko saka sa agon niya. siya ana itinaong kaogmahan sa mga kagurangan, kahubenan, saka mga kaiginan kana pamilya niya... siyempre, gwapo yan ta inaanak ko baya, hehehe...)

there is this place...

2005-12-26T17:44:00.000+08:00

there is this place
where i always tend to go to
both in times of brokenness
and that of refreshing

when times are hard and low
and also those filled with graces
when things are clear and well
also when times are tough

there is this place
where i always tend to go to
when times are uncertain
as well as those moments of joy

when things are unwell
too many intersections
when crossing is always hard
when decisions need to be done

this place is given
this place i go to
this place directs me to Him
this place i call HOME.

there is this place
i call HOME
this place when i am on my knees
in utter dependence on Him alone

this place of goodness
where gratefulness abounds
where He is always there
never quiet, never far...

a passionate letter

2005-12-21T12:37:00.000+08:00

Dear Boss,

Greetings. Thank you for sharing some important details about the csd. They will surely be very helpful for us. Thank you so much.

I will be leaving in a few hours for bcd. As a response to your request, I am writing my intention of going there, which is, to see for myself the potential of the place for the needed change in the way we do things or camp for that matter. I do not believe that this gift that the new campsite has been and is becoming to us, is but an accident. I believe that as we had been praying for change and potential growth for each year's camp, the One is responding in ways beyond ourselves and those that we have asked for. I just do not want to miss seeing for myself what this campsite will be for us as a movement, as a team of staffworkers for the coming KC, and as an ordinary follower of Isah. There are and will be crucial decisions that we will be doing the coming days and we do not want to miss anything that the One can do in and through us with this new gift to us. It is different to see this gift with eyes that look beyond what is seen and felt. It is different to see this gift with eyes that look both at the risk and the potentials of growth and change! It is different to see this gift with eyes that look forward to faith and grace-filled encounter with the One.

That we do not want to miss! For that, I will come, I will see, I will hear, I will feel, I will taste, I will smell, what the One has prepared for us! and for that, i risked and will continue to risk for the sake of the One who called me. After all, He never failed us and He will never fail us, no matter what! even if we fail so many times... and despite all our weaknesses.

Sincerely,
~ Shajarah

(this came about after a stressful encounter and argument with my boss whom i thought to be on my side, whom i expected to be my 'defender' and one of my strong support this time of dire need for upliftment and strength. after all, magdi-direct lang naman ako ng isang national leadership training ng mga filipinong estudyante sa loob ng isang buwan sa susunod sa summer, sa isang malayong bundok ng visayas. whew! when the unexpected comes, expect nothing but the coming out of what's best in you and for others. servanthood test drive ba ito? running to the ultimate source and the bottomline of everything, when all else failed! hehehe... what an experience! what an encounter! what a change! i love changes pa naman!)

haggai reflections

2005-12-16T01:12:00.000+08:00

general information...

he is a nabi (messenger)
his name means, 'my feast'
his oracles are the most precisely dated ones in the entire Book
his book is the second smallest in the Old Book (Obadiah being the smallest), and consists of but thirty-eighth verses only

some personal thoughts about his oracles...

his oracles came clearly from the One who spoke and all of them were fulfilled. there was a clear authority and integrity of his Source, that Source of all he has spoken of. "I am the One who has spoken..."

finding myself always in the lack of the essentials... or of everything... 'as you have been gathering your harvest and keeping them in bags full of holes...' am i gathering my stuff in pockets with holes? where is my motive of doing things coming from? where is it going to? what is the full measure and reasons of all these? why am i doing what i'm doing?

am i being defiled by my own self-centeredness and own reasons and measurements of life and living? am i being misled by my own reflections?

why are things not enough? my clothes do not keep me warm, my wages are slipping over the holes of my bags, my food and water are not enough... 'all your hard work will be for nothing!'

what is the Temple that i missed and still missing? that once glorious Temple? what's the main point? the bulls eye? am i terribly missing the mark or simply hitting the wrong mark, the outside mark?

return to the King... so that, 'from now on, things will get better... Today you have completed the foundation for my Temple, so listen to what your future will be like. although you have not yet harvested any grain, grapes, figs, pomegranates, or olives, i will richly bless you in the days ahead.'

'but tell my servant Zerubbabel of J that i am going to shake the heavens and the earth and wipe out kings and their kingdoms. i will overturn war chariots, and then cavalry troops will start slaughtering each other. but tell my servant Zerubbabel that I, the LORD All-Powerful, have chosen him, and he will rule in my name.' what a final declaration of the One chosen!

book study for december

worldviews

2005-12-06T02:51:00.000+08:00

I HOPE GOD THINKS LIKE THAT

There is a dog I sometimes take for a walk
and turn loose in a field,

when I can't give her that freedom
I feel in debt.

I hope God thinks like that and

is keeping track of all
the bliss He
owes
me.

(worldview 1: from alfathi, a classmate in islamic studies)

so this is a worldview, their worldview... which continue to break my heart. i am deeply crushed each time i would read this. and i remember one class discussion we had wherein i finally decided to speak my heart out. after listening to a series of my classmates and professor's thoughts on God's unfairness, i finally broke my silence. i simply lost my resolve to remain a silent observer as an obvious outsider. and guess what, after breaking my silence with that burning thought in my heart, i never expected that everyone will fall silent... such deafening silence!!! esp that of our professor's. normally, whenever i speak, i try to see their context and reply with an affirmation of the Book in their context, as they have too many worldviews that are really Book-supporting and related. as obviously, their own books are believed to be derived from the Book. but, not this time... how can God owe us? how can He owe us a lot? the Book says, God owes no one anything... not even to that one man who went through so much pain and suffering. this man cannot in any way find God in debt of him. and his name is Job. all he can say is, 'blessed be His name!'

i pray that His creation will continue to see, feel, hear, taste, smell, and experience His great love and mercy... His abounding patience and grace, His unfailing kindness and goodness, His unending faithfulness.

GOOD THING, MY GOD THINKS THIS WAY

'All people have disobeyed God,
and that's why He treats them as prisoners.

But He does this,
so that He can have mercy on all of them.

Who can measure the wealth and wisdom
and knowledge of God?

Who can understand His decisions
or explain what He does?

Has anyone known
the thoughts of the Lord
or given Him advice?

Has anyone loaned something
to the Lord that must be repaid?

Everything comes from the Lord.

All things were made because of Him
and will return to Him.

Praise the Lord forever!

Amen.'

inspiring thoughts for today

2005-12-06T00:35:00.000+08:00

"We are not saved for nothing, for it is the fullness of God's grace in our lives that would stir up divine discontent in others."
(a nice quote i saw at the gencross egroup...)

"There are three stages in every great work of God. First it is impossible, then it is difficult, then it is done."
(by James Hudson Taylor)

"... a deep longing to be heard, like someone close to dying, a lonely heart's painful sighing." ;-)
(from the famed KD)

"That day, when you sent me out so boldly to change the world, don't you think there wouldn't be any cost?"
(by Martin Luther, 1521 in Worms Germany)

"Watch out, wait, and be utterly amazed!"
(Habakkuk)

"We must be the change we wish to see in the world."
(Mahatma Gandhi)

"The smallest good deed is better than the grandest intention."
(anonymous, from a big frame in bcd)

pleasant surprises

2005-11-28T23:15:00.000+08:00

it is only here
here and now
that i am lavished
with so much

so much love
too many blessings
prayers unuttered
all were answered

lolo dave gave
some real dimes
for my new cellphone
a great polyphonic

a simple replacement
of one that was taken
a neighbor coveted
for mine only three-week old

which was also another gift
a seventy five bucks
christmas gift of sofia
and her group in CA

another pleasant surprise
a USB flash drive
another prayer answered
prayer that was never uttered

she thought of giving me on
as an early christmas gift
she thought just at the right time
when my heart was secretly asking our Dad

what a perfect timing
His timing, as usual
always perfect
never a coincidence

finally, there is this
one heart wish
a real one for a poor girl
one i can never afford at this time

not so much a need though
but just a request for a treat
a treat in one great love of my life
a company filled with music and life

yet, He lavished it to me
in moment i never expected
one that is a real treat
in the middle of a crisis

a crisis that speaks of incapacity
a state of vulnerability
one that leads to ultimate surrender
no other way but utter dependence

KD and his dear wife
gave this real treat
another christmas gift at the offing
an mp3 player, what a treat!

a deep sense of lavish love surging
from His heart to His people's
so much love, so much favor
unworthy, undeserving, i am humbled

but never in my ways
never without so much agony
so much curving of my will and heart
so as to capture His and no other

long days, weeks and months
even years in the offing
so long time of waiting
long and agonizing nights

enduring hope
surrendered will
captured heart
none other than His

to be His forever...

the inevitables...

2005-11-27T04:39:00.000+08:00

too many goodbyes
too many letting go
too many pains
too many scars

relinguishing again and again
loosing all forms of control
why would this motiff need to be
so constant and true in my life

are they really inevitables
as precious as gasping for breath
every millisecond of unending
timeline and life span

my unfinished story...

wishing for a future

2005-11-27T04:02:00.000+08:00

band
team
and
performance

the family

2005-11-27T03:55:00.000+08:00

what do you do?

2005-11-27T02:27:00.000+08:00

what do you do when you terribly do miss someone or something? ;-)
what do you do when all forms of justification ceases to make sense?
what do you do when everything fails to satisfy such deep longing...
such deep longing and yearning which are larger than life, beyond yourself?

i often hear a dear old friend and good ate
who openly expresses her lingering sense of unhappiness
her yearning for that something bigger than herself
her longing for something she can never understand

where would these things come from?
why would He allow this constant visitation?
who would dare confront its reality?
how would one care to hope and cope?

hard questions
costly errors
harsh realities
deep scars

if only these would remain a clear reminder
if only these would keep yelling my humanity
if only these would lead me to a deep acceptance
if only these would tell me who i really am

then, so be it
let it be that
my only life
be an offering

an offering in the making
a sacrifice in the offing
have Your way in me
be in unto me...

according to Your word
according to Your standard
according to Your holiness
according to Your justice
according to Your love

i am secure
i am alright
as it is well
with my sould
indeed!

yearning, as a constant reminder
of ultimate surrender
of utter dependence
there is no other way

longing, in deep remembrance
of the many weaknesses
of the countless failures
this is simply humanity

acceptance
my humanity
all those mistakes
all those scars

deep in my heart
cut along my face
hidden in my soul
lingering, deeply etched

forever

hush
my soul
hush
my heart

pour out
peace
relinguish
love

all graces
all wisdom
all joys
all hope

be still
listen
in His presence
linger

wait...
keep watch
be silent
He is near

to others
portions are given
well-cut
paths well-trodden

yet, for some
cups are full
with sorrow
gifts withheld

to others are given
to some are taken away
only so that in all its beauty
all bests are known

for your sake
for my sake
for His name's sake
for His own glory

how about this one?

2005-11-27T01:20:00.000+08:00

for a first violin
for the first lessons
in music
in life

what a privilege
what an honor
such a great gift
luxurious, costly!

introducing... my new legolas!

2005-11-27T01:03:00.000+08:00

Huwag Na Wag Mong Sasabihin

2005-11-22T18:01:00.000+08:00

Ni Kitchie Nadal

May gusto ka bang sabihin
Ba’t di mapakali, ni hindi makatingin
Sana’y ‘wag mo na itong palipasin
At subukang lutasin
Sana’y sinabi mo na

Refrain:
Iba’ng nararapat sa akin
Na tunay kong mamahalin

Chorus:
Oh, huwag na wag mong sasabihin
Na hindi mo nadama itong
Pag-ibig kong handang
Ibigay kahit pa kalayaan mo

Ano man ang iyong akala
Na ako’y isang bituin na walang sasambahin
‘Di ko man ito ipakita
Abot-langit ang daing
Sana’y sinabi mo na

At sa gabi, sinong duduyan sayo
At sa umaga, ang hangin ang hahaplos sayo

favorite collection

2005-11-22T17:41:00.000+08:00

Sacred Journey
(Written by Marry McCall, David Batteau & Darrell Brown; First Call Album )
This song is dedicated to Frederick Buechner as thanks for the encouragement he has brought to many of us as we stumble down the path

Wide awake at three a. m.
When I hear the whistle blow
Watchin’ all the cars go by
Where does everybody go

Every road, every stream
Every prayer, every dream
You are there my Lord
Heavens mystery
How you are here with me
On this sacred journey

Chorus
Open the gates to your heart
(on this sacred journey)
Let the light into the dark
(on this sacred journey)
He’ll meet you right where you are

Spillin’ thoughts across the page
Morning sun is sneakin’ in
Say a little prayer for me
As another day begins

Strength to strength, life goes on
Room to room, dark till dawn
You are there my Lord
Heavens mystery
How you are here with me
On this sacred journey

Evidence of Love
(Written by Lowell Alexander & Bonnie Keen)
”Whoever is wise, let him heed these things and consider the great love of the Lord.” – Psalms 107.4)

It is written in the colors
Of a thousand autumn twilights
Painted in the eyes of a child
Spoken as forgiveness
By an honest open hand
It’s the friend who will walk the extra mile
It’s the giving when there is not enough
There is everywhere the evidence of love

Open your eyes and look upon
The handiwork of God
Open your soul and feel
The breath of glory all around
For everywhere there’s evidence of love

It’s living in the rich earth
Waving in the wind
It’s music that moves us to believe
And dying in a small town
Knowing where true love begins
It’s hope beyond what we can see

It’s the mercy when tears are not enough
There is everywhere the evidence of love

Chorus
Open your eyes and look upon
The handiwork of God
Open your soul and feel
The breath of glory all around
For everywhere there’s evidence of love

A simple crucifix hanging on the wall
Everywhere there’s evidence of love

more ravens... in the making ;-)

2005-11-18T17:55:00.000+08:00

finally!
me sweldo na kami
kahit partial ng partial
iba pa rin
kasi meron talaga

maliban pa yan
sa malusog na pangangatawan
at di maubos-ubos
na 'fats' sa kung saan-saang
bahagi, o 'di ba?

at syempre pa
di pwedeng ipagkaila
ang katakot-takot
na sense of sufficiency
of every need

dahil sa mga taong
nagmamahal,
kumakalinga,
sumusuporta
sa maraming kaparaanan!

salamat sa Diyos
sa kanilang kabutihang-loob
at sa maraming bagay
na nagpapalakas
ng kalooban

many times nga
eh feeling ko
di ako nauubusan ng pera
dahil sa mga bigay dito
at bigay doon...

simulan kaya natin
kahit mahigpit ang biling
ito ay confidential
talaga naman
eh, di mapigilan ang puso

nagdiriwang,
nagpapasalamat,
kailangang kumilala at
tumanaw ng utang na loob?
o simpleng pagkilala

sa kabutihan ng Diyos
sa pamamagitan nila
kaya wag ipagsabi
please...
tayong dalawa lang dapat
ang nakakaalam

sikreto
malalim na lihim
mahigpit na ipinagbabawal
ikwento sa kahit na kanino
pakiusap lamang

siya, eto na sila...
ginoong lolo dave
isang maginoong mama
mula sa wales
ni princess diana

kapitbahay daw sila
ni catherine zeta jones
kaya naman matinding giver
very generous at maawain
salamat po ng marami

sa inyong buhay
sa inyong bahay
sa inyong pamilya
na walang sawang i-shi-nare
sa amin

at ngayon
pati cell phone at load ko
pati na sweldo namin for several weeks
ay inyong ipinagkaloob
pinag-ipunan at ni-raise for us

di limang isang daan
o kaya'y isang libo
kundi't maraming libo
libu-libong nakakagulat
nakakapalambot ng puso

nakakalaglag luha
nakakagulat ng todo
you should have seen
my eyes, my face
my great surprise
my heart in great tears

iba ang sorpresa ng Diyos
totoo at malalim
kakaibang talaga
beyond all our expectations
we can never fathom or understand

lagi tayong below His ways
below His expectations
kasi tao lamang po
at higit na naiintindihan
ng dakilang Maykapal

andyan din si ate libay
na nagbigay ng isang libong
pagmamahal at pagkain
para sa mga gutom na Anislagers
ngunit matatabang dalaga pa rin

salamat ng marami
isang dakilang nanay
kahit kayo ay malayo
kami ay sobrang malapit
sa inyong pusong dakila

andyan din sina ate pearl
at talaga naman pati si ate elsie
na nagbigay ng pera na naman
just enough para sa mga butas na bulsa
bulsa para sa mga pamasahe

pamasahe sa pang araw-araw
na pagbisita sa mga bata
paroo't parito
mga trabaho at pinagkakaabalahan
ng mga istafworker

unfinished... si nika, at millie, hannah, and many more...

ravens

2005-11-13T21:23:00.000+08:00

been thinking a lot
about taking some time
to capture the sacredness
of this journey in crisis

why would it be necessary
why are there so many needs
why are there wants as well
why, oh, why, indeed

but one thing is clearer now
one thing keeps coming back
crisis brings in a perspective
that only it could bring

such a fresh perspective
on so many things in life
those things that truly matter
those things that are unseen

the young prince, then, is true
that what is essential is
indeed, invisible
invisible to the naked eyes

such invisible thing
as the thought of a deep gratitude
such a deep appreciation
for the timely ravens from heaven

those tiny and obscure ravens
just like that of the old
those that brought provisions
to a man once called elijah

those tiny and obscure ravens
which brought forth provisions
blessings upon blessings
to the many hungry souls

those tiny and obscure ravens
who, with their obedience
has brought in so clearly
the merciful heart of heaven

ravens from above
you just don't know how much
you have made heavens here on earth
in the hearts of those in dire need

needs that were precious
needs that made them vulnerable
needs that were so humbling
making them closer to the Maker

ravens upon ravens
oh, too many of them!
oh, how precious they are
oh, how grateful we are!

if only i could name them
if only He would call them by name
if only He would reward them
one by one, on our behalf!

amazing, oh how amazing
as the Maker released those ravens
just so in time, in His time
just so in time, for His time

(happy birthday rhoda! welkam to the world of the thirtyish, hehehe... thanks ate's libay, pearlie, ces, julie... kuya dave, and many more... like the manila leaders council, the many students... for being our dear ravens for this time! mabuhay kayo...)

baguio confession

2005-11-11T18:26:00.000+08:00

it was another first
baguio city adventure
of another kind
another level

it was my very first
to gaze upon the famed
city of pines
and its beautiful people

unfinished...

re-freshing

2005-11-11T02:23:00.000+08:00

(this is the exact image of my recent baguio experience together with the NCR staff team where i currently belong as a staffworker. i have experienced re-freshing in varied forms, colors, and shapes. i have been re-freshed physically, emotionally, vocationally, intellectually, spiritually, psychologically... and the list can go on... and on... salamat sa Diyos!)

light of the world

2005-11-11T02:05:00.000+08:00

Light of the world
You stepped down into darkness
Opened my eyes let me see

Beauty that made
This heart adore You
Hope of a life spent with You

Chorus:
Here I am to worship
Here I am to bow down
Here I am to say that
You're my God
You're altogether lovely
Altogether worthy
Altogether wonderful to me

King of all days
Oh, so highly exalted
Glorious in heaven above
Humbly You came
To the earth You created
All for love's sake
Became poor

Bridge:
I never know how much it costs
To see my sin upon the Cross
(repeat)

(i first learned this from the young christian students of ifes central asia - kazakhstan last july 2003... thanks to shane and the kids. btw, this is a famous worship song now in our country - seems like everybody's favorite. hmmm... but i wonder who takes the credit here ;-) have to check the composer-lyricist-arranger and producer... anyone who knows?)

the power of TWO

2005-11-11T01:37:00.000+08:00

the heart of the matter is the 'heart'

2005-11-02T19:04:00.000+08:00

amidst wonderment
amidst confusions
amidst chaos and all
uncertainties

one thing remains
one thing matters
one thing will linger
one thing stays forever

wonderment

2005-11-02T17:12:00.000+08:00

why, oh why?
so gartogcel asked
why leave? why resign?
how sure are you?

how sure am i?
that this is the time to go
that the signal has been finally set off
to move on and sail away

'i only want to rest'
that's my initial feeling
and for that answer
gartogcel is content

finally, he was content
and bid away saying
'good! good! very good!'
i wonder then, oh, well!

`coz deep within my heart's recesses
lies some deep uncovered feelings
that of saying my final goodbye
that the end has finally come

for me to be here in this place
that a new place is now being readied
as i tarried to obey
for the next instructions

somehow i also feel
that i needed not just recharging
but refocusing and re-hearing
a new identity, a new dream

a fresh vision, a fresh call
am i still needed here?
is this still my right place under the sun?
am i still obeying or just comfortably lurking?

it's not that i needed meaning
nor that i feel unneeded
it's just that i need clear reasons
why do i do what i do?

it's never enough that i go against the flow
for any sake
or that i go with the flow
for status quo

there simply must be a reason
reason enough to keep me going
reason afresh to recharge me
but never nothingness nor senselessness

can it be that i am tired
so as to loose that call
can it be that i am workaholic
so as to loose that ultimate focus

why do i do what i do?
is there a new cause, a fresh prodding
something that will revive
the sleepy and tired spirit in me

this spirit need to soar high and low again
i want to sing new songs
dream new dreams
weave stories upon stories

just where is the fire?
was it quenched
was it drained?
was it gone?

i cannot live this way
or else i simply will die
die out and die low
i want to live again

to live again to ideals
to empowerment
to life, to love
to Him, for Him

if even that is seemingly lost
what is there to live for
what is there to live out
what is there left for me?

disturbances

2005-11-02T15:05:00.000+08:00

they are the unwelcome... unwanted... undesirable spicies of living.
at times, it is not just healthy to have them, but more so, really good and necessary.
to face them, to confront them head on, with an unwavering heart. indeed, why not?

my friends at global village seven years ago, used to urge me to be spontaneous and enjoy life's many surprises. neil would always tease me to get rid of my planning-freak lifestyle then. he would always just pop up around with the gang and drag me and the rest of the prim and proper planning office girls to either the highest of the heights or the lowest of the low. the former can either be in the names of the 'tops' or that famed 'mr. a's'... the latter can be any seaside that is open until the wee hours of the morning. sometimes, we tried just joy riding around the two island cities of the south connected by two great bridges. sometimes, it is fun just moping under one of those bridges at 12 midnight. and sometimes, we just content ourselves with bar hopings, from one hotel here to another there, and the many mushrooming latest craze in town. what i would like the most would be those times at the bo's or that one at 'pitcher plant' and that one somewhere near the capitol where anyone can just hang around to sing, drink, and be merry.

these were some disturbances to me as, well, i'm never a party animal. they simply aren't my turf. i am but a content home buddy. i grew up a minimalist. i grew up full with simple lifestyle. but never simplistic. i can't stand fast, complex, and complicated situations and lifestyle. i easily get tired and confused with many choices. so, the simpler and minimal the scenarios are, the better and happier!

one recent disturbance is when gartogcel (one of the bosses in our management team), in his normal demeanor and attitude of 'pakikialam', just pop up my small space (short for 'in front of a pc') in the office today and threw some innocent but disturbing questions. well, in this normal mood of mine, i told him that he really has a way of disturbing people, that it is his greatest gift, hehehe...

it was but one simple question. why am I leaving the movement?
from that comes many small connected frames of thoughts - how sure am i that this is it? that this is my time to go and resign? how sure am i that this is my call at this time? that i am not just running away from something or someone? that i am not just escaping from difficulties and challenges? that i am not just doing what i want to do, maybe, whimsically and vocationally?

indeed, why? how sure am i?

reflection 101: called to obey

2005-11-01T01:12:00.000+08:00

So they are aware… in fact, they are hurting… they are crying!
Pleading to God for mercy, for forgiveness, for healing, for restoration… of justice and righteousness in the land. Among and for the Filipinos and their children’s children.

This was the scenario of the first praise and prayer morning of the six-day leadership-discipleship camp here in metro manila. More than 135 college students and young professionals from all over metro manila, cavite, laguna, Batangas, and Mindoro were kneeling down and crying out to God for mercy and healing for our land and people. For not more than 30 minutes, not one eye was dry, not one mouth was shut up, not one heart was crushed. Everyone was praying, body-soul-spirit, in utter brokenness before the throne of grace. Not one heart was unaffected. Not one person was uninvolved and unconcerned.

I was proven wrong. I so thought that the youth of this land simply do not care for they are either unaffected or busy doing their own thing. I thought that they are protected by their own concerns and created worldly cares. I thought that they are covered by their easy-go-lucky posture and loose pluralistic worldviews these days. But, I was proven wrong.

Our youth are affected. They are aware of what’s happening around them. And they are hurting. They are concern and they want change. They want to take part in the process and make a difference. They are, just like the rest of the world, tired of the status quo, the injustice they are suffering in all forms, colors, and shapes. They are crying and begging God for mercy, healing and restoration.

If there is one huge concern that they are crying for, it is the crisis of leadership. And I am filled with hope and joy seeing that they want to be movers of hope and change. And that is to start change within them. If our problem is a crisis in the good leadership and governance of the country when our leaders would loose face and integrity, our hope now lies in the hands of these young men and women, who are not afraid to allow change to begin from among and within themselves.

There is hope. We declare hope. For as long as we have the life of hopeful change from among the ideals of the youth, we will never fall. We will never loose faith. We will never be put to shame. We can declare that we shall see the sun rise again for the Filipino people, and their children’s children. We declare the day when justice and righteousness will shine like a noonday sun again in our land.

Gat. Jose Rizal is after all still calling… that the youth of this land will remain our hope. For they are aware, in fact, they are hurting and crying for change… which is within their hands. Change that is happening as it begins among and within themselves.

As they pray, the answer is coming… their hearts are changed… they become the answers to their own prayers! That is the power of prayer! Prayer changes hearts and people. After all, the heart of the matter, in fact, all these things that matter to us, is simply the ‘heart’ of the man! One changed heart towards God’s holiness, is one changed nation. One hopeful future for the land.

And that was only the first morning. So imagine the prayers still poured out during meal times, the sessions on rekindling the love for the country, the missions nights, and the rest of the other morning prayer times.

And that was only this years LCDC… How about the other five more I had witnessed the past six years of my staff life? And the other five more when I was still a student? This land has and will always have a future, as long as the youth of this land are aware, concern, and desire to be the hope and future of this land. As long as the change or transformation of the heart starts from among and within themselves. So long as God does the overhauling of the heart of the matter which is simply our hearts.

~Hadassah Leung

missing the 'moment' again

2005-10-30T15:47:00.000+08:00

writing is a gift. i said so because i can never do without its birth pangs. everytime i would attempt to write, there seems to be something in me that is lost and gone forever. maybe, a certain sacredness. maybe, its conception. its being from within and through me...

on the other hand, i can never write on my own. this means that while i would attempt writing for writing's sake, i would never come up with anything. there is simply nothing to squeeze from within. instead, there is always that need to pull something out of my inside. something which i am never in control of. something which i attribute to my soul and spirit. something which is connected to a source. such a mysterious source. the great Source of all sources.

finally, there is a certain time for writing. there is a certain mood required. i wouldn't know why and how... but it seems that these moods are never my making. they come in the unholiest of the hours, the most unexpected of time and circumstances, in never imagined places. yet, they are critical time, places, and circumstances.

i learned in science that time is of two kinds. one is called the 'chronos' and the other is the 'kairos'. the former is linear, a one after the other, a chronological setting up of time. the latter is something that can be captured at a given unexpected and unpredicted moment. something that expresses a perfect moment of bursting and ripeness. something that is simply perfect for and on that moment. it is not dependent on those moments before or after though can be connected to them. it is what many calls the 'moment in time'... that moment.

my kairos (es) have been hard times. and i feel that i have been disobeying many times. the bursting, birthing or what others call as the 'moment in time' come at lazy times like during midnight when everyone's head is laid to rest or at dawn when i am in the middle of my 'good' sleep. so how can obedience come freely? how easy would it be to obey in these cases?

just early this morning, at around four in the morning, i woke up from a dream where a clear instruction was given to my mind. a clear instruction about something to write. two major points and paragraphs were laid into my brain's memory card. and this is not the first time it happened. two other separate early morning thoughts were also poured to me the past two years, in a dream, too. and in all of these, i would decline to rise up and capture them in writing as i would plead with God to just let me recall them later in the morning when i wake up. just when my eyes and mind are home from drifting in the nowhere. just when i would be sober.

but as usual, they never do come back. these thoughts never come again. what is left are but small hints of them but never even a peek to its entirety. and again, i would regret not obeying, not taking time to give birth to those thoughts, being unwilling to sacrifice for the sake of those messages... those little revelations which are never mine... not at all! as they come mainly for different people and communities. for others. they are words never intended for myself.

as usual, i feel bad again, today. because i did not obey, for the third time. just when am i gonna serve the gift?

may the great, merciful and compassionate Giver of all gifts have mercy to a poor soul like me! may the Giver be patient with me. will i ever have another chance?

for the third time, i plead that they would come back. but they never did. or is it not yet? for i am never a writer. simply, in the making... a lousy one in the making.

and i missed it again!

('KAIROS Refers to a period of crisis and opportunity, the best timeto do something, the moment when circumstances are most suitable, the psychologically "ripe" moment for action.' ~from ISACC)

panaginip na naman

2005-10-30T15:15:00.000+08:00

totoo... sa pangalawang pagkakataon sa taong ito at nakaraan, ako'y nanaginip kaninang madaling araw ng tungkol sa rumaragasang tubig, isang baha na katakut-takot... isang malaki at mapagpinsalang baha. maraming tao ang tinangay, maitim at malalim ang tubig, at ako'y naroon sa kalagitnaan ng lahat ng ito. nasa kalagitnaan habang abala sa mga dapat kong gawin gaya ng paghahanda sa isang pagtuturo o training...

gaya nang naunang panaginip, nakita ko ding madaming tao ang binawian ng buhay, mga bahay na nasira at natabunan ng tubig at mga sasakyang inanod sa kung saan ang hantungan ng mahabang rumaragasang tubig.

ano kaya ito? sa buhay ko?

spaces

2005-10-19T04:04:00.000+08:00

breather...
vacancy...
preparing to receive again
availability of heart and soul

like the cascading waterfalls
sometimes in droves
sometimes in smaller drops
but never ending, simply yielding

provisions
sometimes withheld
sometimes it pours
yet, never-ending assurance

spaces are beautiful
they take your heart to its deeper seat
they take your soul to a higher plunge
of trusting and living in faith

yielding
surrender
life
no other way

(isang pag-iisip na nalikha matapos panoorin ang isang false waterfalls sa lugar na pinagdausan ng aming panalangin at retreat sa quezon city. marahil ay kathang dala ng palaisipang 'bakit kami'y pinagkaitan ng biyaya sa ngayon?' o 'bakit hindi pinagkakaloob ang lahat ng kagustuhan ng tao?' marahil ay kathang dala ng kasagutan sa mga dalangin sa panahong yaon. marahil ay kathang bilin ng Ispirito ng Dios, matapos ang dalawang araw na pakikipagniig at pakikinig.)

dreams

2005-10-15T23:53:00.000+08:00

i have heard of many dreamers before... many books wrote about them - like two josephs the dreamer and many more... movies are made for and about them like that one casted by brendan fraser and also one called the dreamweaver and many more...

i also heard of my paternal grandmother's dreams and those of my own mama and papa's dreams. many of them were fulfilled... they happened to people they know and do not know. they happened in different time and places.

i also have my moments of rich dreams. some are good and beautiful while some are not. some were already fulfilled and some remained clear memories in my mind and heart.

these few months ago have been rich dreaming time for me. and for the first time, i want to capture them. it may mean losing their sacredness, as they come out of the sacred recesses of my heart and mind, yet, i want to attempt capturing them with words and the power of articulation.

it's been a few weks already that i have been dreaming of couples - a couple whom i know so well and one who are popular movie stars - who are having hard time in their marital relationship. i have found myself listening intently to their troubles and giving some clear counsels and processing towards forgiveness and reconciliation. and those attempts were never successful.

i wonder why?